Style Invitational Week 1341: Portmanteautapping E to R
Combine two words to make a new one. Plus winning riddles with
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning riddles with anagrams
in the punchlines)
*Parmesand: *What ends up sprinkled all over the meatball sub you get at
the beach. /(Bob Staake)/
*Frigidiot:* That shirtless guy at a January football game./(Jimmy
*Estrogeniality: *The attribute that compels women to go to the restroom
in pairs. /(Joy Vizi) /
Among the innumerable neologism contests put up by the Empress and,
before her, the Czar have been those for portmanteau words — words that
combine two existing words. Reading back through the Comprehensive Style
Invitational Archives, maintained as the ever-growing magnum dopus of
Loser Elden Carnahan at NRARS.org, the E discovered that many years ago,
she ran a contest for portmanteau words beginning with A through D, and
another one for S through Z . . . and then forgot the rest of the
alphabet. *This week: Coin a portmanteau word beginning with E through
R, in which the words overlap by at least two letters, * ** *and
describe it, *as in the examples above; the non-Bob ones are from Week
476 (2002), our first portmanteau contest. As always, you’re welcome to
make your entry funnier with a funny sentence showing how the word could
Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1341
* (all lowercase).
Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,
* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an oval decal
like the “26.2” one that marathoners like to put on their cars (or
perhaps across one of their ruined knees) — but this one brags *“0.0.”
*Donated by Loser Barbara Turner.
*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our “Whole Fools”
Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”
or “Certificate of (de) Merit.”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 29; *results
published Aug. 18 in print, Aug. 15 online. See general contest rules
and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The
headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich
wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational
Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.
**The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column
discusses the week’s new contest and results. Check out this week’s at
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*MOT-FOOLERY: ANAGRAM RIDDLES FROM WEEK 1337*
In *Week 1337 *we asked for jokes in a Q/A
format that included an anagram of a relevant word or name in the
punchline. Many of you cited President Trump’s reliance on *Vladimir
(Can’t figure out an anagram or two? I’ll explain the less obvious ones
in this week’s Style Conversational column at wapo.st/conv1341.)
Brag about your unmarathon — “marathno”? — with this week's second prize.
Q. How did the senator explain his cowardly vote to his constituents?
A.*“I flee your pain.” * /(Brett Dimaio, Cumberland, Md.) /
Q. What condition seems to be epidemic on overcrowded Metro cars?
A.*Irritable elbow syndrome. * /(Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.) /
2nd place and the Alexander the Great action figure
Q. What is Bill de Blasio sick of being called by Big Apple haters?
A.*Mayor of Yer Icky Town. * /(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)/
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
Q. With what inscription would the White House like to replace Emma
Lazarus's poem*("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free . . .")* on the Statue of Liberty?
A.*Never send me your rapist, free-rider, s-hole, drug army. Out!
Goodbye! I hate you.* /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) /
Next of ink: Honorable mentions
Q. Which campaign slogan did the former veep definitely not plagiarize?
A. *“I need job.” * /(Frank Mann, Washington)/
Q. Under pressure from the left, who changed his position about his
support for the Hyde Amendment?
A. *Joe I-Bend.* /(Mark Raffman)/
Q. In what movie does Marty McFly time-travel to stop Brexit?
A: *“Back to the EU Turf.”* /(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) /
Q. What’s the new novel about the Hogwarts test-cheating scandal?
A. *“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Notes.”* /(Lawrence McGuire,
Q. What appropriately shaped D.C. structure commemorates the city’s
A. *The Swingathon Monument. * /(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)/
Q. What was constructed to commemorate D.C.’s blizzards of 2009-2010?
A. *The Snowhating Monument. * /(Ken Liss, Brookline, Mass., a First
Q. Who said he had no idea what happened to the cherry tree?
A: *George Sawnothing.* /(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)/
Q. How does the North Korean dictator refer to the American president
and first lady?
A.*Dotard ’n’ Plum. * /(Mark Raffman)/
Q. I hear that our president is going to open a hotel in Haiti that’s
the opposite of his one in D.C. What’s he going to call it?
A. *Trump Latrine Nation .*
/(Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)/
Q. When it turns out to be too boring to call it “March Madness,” what
would be a better name for a humdrum NCAA tournament?
A. *Bleak Blast.* /(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) /
Q. Which longtime jurist was just banned from an Alabama mall?
A. *Judge Roy Romeo.* /(Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)/
Q. Who hid state secrets inside a beer bottle in his backyard?
A. *Lager Hiss.* /(Harold Mantle, Walnut Creek, Calif.) /
Q. After Bob got his hand stuck in the garbage disposal, what was left?
A.*An arm and a gel.* /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) /
Q. If the fossil fuel industry had its druthers, in what building would
A. *The U.S. Coalpit. * /(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) /
Q. What company has introduced a line of see-through athletic wear?
A. *Nuder Armour. * /(Chris Doyle) /
Q. What wine famously burst into flames in the 1970s?
A. *Pinto noir.* /(Kevin Dopart, Washington) /
Q. In what dystopian movie does a government agency ban all research
into climate change?
A. *“Planet of the EPAs.” * /(Mark Raffman)/
Q. What road trip movie features a pair of fugitives debating whether to
flee or not to flee?
A. *Hamlet and Louise. * /(Eric Nelkin) /
Q. What’s the name of that new micro-pickup truck?
A. *The Sliverado.// * /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) /
Q. Which military sitcom suffered from constant overacting?
A. *“H*A*M*S.”* /(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) /
Q. How did the proctologist make his patients promise to use their
A. *The Pledge of Anal Ice Gel. * /(Nicole Caruso Garcia, Trumbull
Conn., a First Offender) /
Q. What did Jeff Sessions do when he resigned from the Trump
A. *He rescued himself. *(Jesse /Frankovich) /
Q. What did Sheriff Woody say when Mr. Potato Head joined a coup to oust
A.*Et tu, tuber?* /(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) /
Q, The candidate wants to attract more young voters by changing his
name? To what?
A. *Bernie Radness. * /(Matt Tietze, Rockville, Md., a First Offender) /
Q. What iconic Wyoming locale does the administration want to open up
for oil drilling?
A. *Ye-Ton-o’-Wells* *National Park * /(Mark Raffman) /
Q. What did the printer ask the customer placing an order?
A. *“You want serif with that?” *(/Jesse Frankovich)/
Q. What did the Romans call the Dacian revolt against their empire in
the year 157?
A. *The CLVII War.// * /(Jeff Contompasis) /
Q. What directions are at the top of every Russian presidential ballot?
A. *Put in Vladimir.* /(Christopher Thorpe, Millbrae, Calif.) /
Q. It’s this summer’s biggest hit, but what do some people call Lil Nas
A. *Download rot. * /(Bill
Dorner, Indianapolis) /
Q. Which famed large-“nosed” drummer went on to appear in porn films?
A. *Groin Starr.* /(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) /
Q. Who sang “If I Had a Hummer” and “Blowin’ Up in the Wind”?
A. *Peter, Paul and Army. * /(Chris Doyle) /
Q. Who started an online forum to rate U.S. Marine bases?
A. *Gomer Yelp.* /(Chris Doyle) /
Q. Who was that rotten committee who denied Samuel L. Jackson an Oscar
A. *Snakes on a panel!* /(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) /
Q. Who was the hero of the Tales of the Swedish Nights?
A. *Ali ABBA. * /(Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.) /
Q. What is the trade union for male porn workers?
A. *The Screen Scrota Guild.* /(Kevin Dopart) /
Q. In a poll of Style Invitational contestants, who tied for favorite
A.*Teddy and Franklin D. Loservote.* /(Chris Doyle) /
Q, Who’s that funny anagram dude in the Style Invitational?
A. *Jon Great-har!* /(Jon Gearhart)/
/*And Last: * /Q. In what (assuredly fictional) contest do witty
raconteurs find that they are irresistible to the opposite sex?
A. *The Style I-Attain-Lovin’* /(Mark Raffman)/
*Still running: TWO contests due Monday night, July 22:
Week 1339: Song parodies on the themes of Modern Woes (see
*Week 1340: Change a famous name slightly and describe the new person
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