Style Invitational Week 1338: Picture this

Another Bob Staake cartoon caption contest. Plus our Mueller report

(Cartoons by Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers

Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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June 27

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning phrases made from
combining words in the Mueller report)

Yet again, as we have twice or more each year since 1994, we offer a set
of inscrutable cartoons by Bigger Shot Than Ever Bob Staake, and ask you
to scrut them. *This week: Supply a caption for one or more of the
cartoons above. * As always, a number of people will come up with the
same general idea, so the funniest descriptions or dialogue is going to
get the ink.

Submit entries at *
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy.

Our second prize this week is intended to address the lamentable gender
imbalance in Invite ink: Over the years, entries by XYish individuals
have outscored XXies 2 to 1. Sometimes the Empress is accused of
discriminating against women, which is nuts because (a) she doesn’t see
entrants’ names when she’s judging and (b) WHAT? So perhaps it is
because the Invitational’s prizes don’t attract the little ladies, which
is why this week we offer a booklet called *“Weber’s Girls’ Guide to
Grilling.”* The cover features a photo of an attractive young woman
picking up a piece of grilled meat with tongs all by herself, while a
lovely friend in a stretch tank top and holding a glass of wine aahs in
fascination. The inside pages feature cute daisy pictures along with
descriptions of gas grills followed by “See, it’s not that complicated,
is it?” This relic from the grill company, donated by Loser Daphne
Steinberg, dates all the way back to . . . 2005. Have at it, girlies!

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de)Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 8; *results
published July 28 in print, July 25 online. See general contest rules
and guidelines at . The
headline “Wit Hunt” is by Jesse Frankovich; Bill Dorner wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at / ./ “Like”
the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /;
/ follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

**The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses the week’s new contest and
results. Check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


In* Week 1334
*we provided you some links to the full
(minus redactions) Mueller report investigating Russian interference in
the 2016 election and whether certain American someones had a hand in
it. And we asked you to link any two words from anywhere in the report.
We didn’t hear from as many Losers as usual this week; Marli Melton
added a note that “I got so fascinated & horrified by the report itself
that I had a hard time getting around to any entries.”

4th place:

*Hoax Hicks: *The president’s former Miscommunications Director. (Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Yes, little ladies, even you can learn to cook meat. This week's second
3rd place:

*Decision-balancing: *I prefer not to use the term “procrastination.”
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

2nd place and thetrio of googly-eyed windup chattering teeth

*Coal comfort: *Thoughts and prayers for black-lung victims. — A.

(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*Trump-tweet: *To make a wrong story short. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

Muellarity ensues: Honorable mentions

*Ally-oops: *Foreign Service slang for the president’s blunders at NATO
meetings. (Chris Doyle)

*Alabama baby:* A zygote.

(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*All-hands Love:* Safe sex. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

*Attachment expert:* Staple genius. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Brown collar:* An exceptionally enthusiastic sycophant. (Duncan
Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Catherine Okay: *The Russian empress’s less accomplished daughter.
(Duncan Stevens)

*Constitutional options:* All those articles and amendments. — D.J.T.
(Kevin Dopart)

*Dated dirt:* Gossip that’s past its tell-by time (on Twitter, 12 hours)
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

*Exploratory fabrication:* “Dad, what if we said we just talked about
Russian orphans again?” (Frank Osen)

*Factual report:* FAKE NEWS FROM THE FAILING MEDIA (Roy Ashley, Washington)

*Giuliani assertion*: A pronouncement made with toe firmly in cheek.
(Kevin Dopart)

*Hannity probe:* The Fox host investigates all the ways President Trump
is the greatest. (Frank Mann, Washington)

*Investigative intercourse:* Tryst but verify. (Kevin Dopart)

*KGB lunch:* “Have your peephole call my peephole.” (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)

*Mnuchin-land:* A mythical country paved with gold bricks and landscaped
with hedge funds. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*Moniker leaks: * What’s happening in the brain area that stores the
names of everyone I know. (Marli Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.)

*More-on:* Someone who doesn’t disrobe at a nudist colony. (Chris Doyle)

*Oligarch-crazy:* Totally into totalitarians; MAGAGA. (Kevin Dopart)

*Poke-eon:* How much time my kid has spent on that app. (Sam Mertens,

*Possible fire:* Though there’s definitely a dumpster. (Jesse Rifkin,
Arlington, Va.)

*Questionable translation:* He said Xi said. (Beverley Sharp)

*Redaction figure:* A plastic William Barr doll. Comes with a black
Sharpie that actually redacts! (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)

*Scott obstruction:* Malady of the low-flow toilets. (Dave Prevar)

*Ship covers:* Tarps that keep a naval vessel out of sight when the
president’s out of his mind. (Steve Smith)

*Sit, Deliver: *In this film, a math teacher returns to East L.A. 50
years later. (Duncan Stevens)

*Sociopath Santa:* Who got our 8-year-old son a drum set? (Luke Baker,
Columbia, Md.)

*Stone Hannity: *Maddow bucket list item. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

*Tennessee Twitter: *A postcard. (Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.)

*Tool-holder:* The driver’s seat of a BMW. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Troll-house:* Cookies you should avoid unless you’re a WORTHLESS
PHILISTINE with NO TASTE who should be SHOT. (Duncan Stevens)

*Unclear warfare: *“The president just told us we’re bombing Nambia!
Wait, hang on.” (Duncan Stevens)

*Unlikely infomercial:* Ronco Spray-On Armpit Hair. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Post Magnitsky: *Newspaper’s puny prize for putting on capitalist
refrigeratorsky. (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.)

*Express dumping: *What the Empress seems to do with most of my
brilliant entries. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)

*Deliberately failing to follow the rules in the hopes that the Empress
will give you ink for being cute. (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, July 1: our contest for jokes
with anagrams in the punchline. See
. *

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