Style Invitational Week 1337: Lidder us this — riddles with anagrams

Plus ‘no-it-all’ and other winning homophones

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers

Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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June 20

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning neologisms that are
homophones of real words)

*Q. What famed institution in Hamelin, Germany, teaches the skills of
the Pied Piper? *
*A.* *The High School of Music and Rats. * **

*Q. What’s the name of the dullest metal band ever?
A. Motley Ecru. *

This week’s contest was the sudden brainchild of Child Brain Gene
Weingarten, who just a few days ago sent two urgent emails to the
Empress with the examples above. And opposed to some of our recent
contests, the concept is simple: *Write a Q-A joke (or A followed by Q,
if you’re into “Jeopardy!”) in which the punchline contains an anagram
of one or more relevant words or names, * as in those examples by Gene —
who, in case you didn’t know, originated The Style Invitational and
lorded over it with no byline for a decade until the E, then also
anonymous, deposed him in Week 536 so he could go win Pulitzer Prizes
and stuff. You may anagram multiple words, and your anagram may consist
of multiple words. *Note: *For the joke to work, the reader is going to
have to recognize which original word(s) you’ve anagrammed; we’re not
going to explain the entry to death. **

Submit entries at *
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a prize that was
donated to the Invite so long ago that it’s almost as old as its
subject: It’s an*Alexander the Great action figure,* complete with
helmet and sword, and brand-new as long as you’ll use that term for
something that Russell Beland, then the Invite’s highest-scoring Loser,
gave us around 15 years ago. Complete with lots of factoids on the back
of the molded packaging (“In battle, he always led from the front;
rumored to be under 5 feet tall”),

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de)Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 1; *results
published July 21 in print, July 18 online. See general contest rules
and guidelines at . The
headline for this week’s results is by Mark Raffman; Jeff Contompasis
wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational
Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

**The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of
results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


**In *Week 1333 *we asked you to create a
homophone — a sound-alike — of an existing word or name. The Empress was
fairly generous on what counted as “alike,” but still wasn’t going with,
say, “Germ Annie” for Germany.

4th place:

*Mnuchiae:* Trivial expenses, like a $15,000 flight from New York to
Peckarsky, Tucson)

For an anagram contest, should we call this week’s 2nd prize Alexander
Rag Teeth?
3rd place:

*Sain’t: *Sinner. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

2nd place and the 2-homophone "Dali Llama" T-shirt

*SerPhDom:* Trying to eke out a living as an adjunct professor. (Pete
Morelewicz, Fredericksburg, Va.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*Diss, cuss: *The current state of our national discourse. (Mark
Richardson, Takoma Park, Md.)

Sound-eh-likes: Honorable mentions

*Altarcation:* What ensues when “the bride says “I do” and the groom
says: “Uhhh . . . ” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Barbiequeue:* A lineup of potential contestants for “The Bachelor” (Eva
Monastersky, Mountain View, Calif., a First Offender)

*Independunce Day: *“And I’ll have fireworks behind me as I give my
speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial!” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Reprodeuce:* To have twins. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*No-it-all:* A 2-year-old. (Pete Morelewicz)

*Indescribabble:* Covfefe. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Barr code:* “I will support and defend the President of the United
States against all enemies, real and imagined.” (Jesse Frankovich, Grand
Ledge, Mich.)

*Barrney:* “I love you, you love me, I will lie as your AG . . .”
(Duncan Stevens)

*Adoltery: *To give your paramour your landline number. (Barbara Turner,
Takoma Park, Md.)

*Anglofile:* A portfolio of Trump appointees. (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)

*Asfault: *A pothole. (Bob Kruger)

*Bern out:* Part with your last $27.
(Bob Clifford,
Brookeville, Md.)

*Buyble:* The holy book of the “Prosperity Gospel”: “Blessed are the
moneymakers.” (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*Buygones:* Those you’ve gotten rid of with hush money. You hope.
(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

*Catasstrophe:* Let’s say that Fluffy was not quite cooperative in
having his temperature taken. (Dan Gibson-Reinemer, Alamoso, Colo.)

*Catastrofee:* You neglected to read the fine print when booking your
“all-inclusive” vacation. (Maggie Haring, Leesburg, Va.)

*Cemetarry:* To wait. Forever. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Chatowe: *Mortgaged Manor. (Brett Dimaio, Cumberland, Md., a First

*Crewedly: *How the losing boat was sailed in the regatta, (Marli
Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.)

*Cursery: *Short on substance, long on name-calling. (Jeff Loren, Seattle)

*Dairy air: *How you know if someone is lactose-intolerant. (Steve
McClemons, Arlington, Va.)

*Dear crossing: *A hazard in spousal discourse. (Bill FitzPatrick,
Rochester, N.Y.)

*Dietribe: *What fashion models have to listen to after gaining two
pounds. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*Dineosaurs:* Those who still eat at Howard Johnson’s. (Tommy Thompson,
Richmond, a First Offender)

*Doo diligence: *Always picking up after the pup. (Warren Tanabe,
Annapolis, Md.)

*Exersize:* The weight you get up to before deciding to do something
about it. (Barbara Turner)

*Fidouchiary:* My brother-in-law, the “financial planner.” (Lee Graham,
Derwood, Md.)

*Furn-itchure:* “You’ve got bedbugs!” (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)

*Ghastley: *What it feels like to be rickrolled.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Ghoulash:* That undead casserole at the back of the refrigerator.
(Frank Osen)

*Gnulyweds:* Beauty and the Beast. (Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.)

*Goldilox: *The perfect, not too salty or unsalty, but just right,
topping for your bagel. (Dan Helming, Trenton, N.J.)

*Gold meddlist: *A champion kibitzer. (Jeff Contompasis)

*Hideaweigh:* Spanx. (Pete Morelewicz)

*Holzhour:* For quite a while,7:30 every weeknight
on Channel 7. (Gregory
Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

*Home moaner:* Recipient of a $4,000 bill to fix the AC. (Duncan Stevens)

*Kinderguardin’:* Where tykes practice their ABCs, their 1-2-3s and
their active-shooter responses. In other words, kindergarten. (Melissa
Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

*Massagynist: *Someone who thinks he can rub a woman’s shoulders without
her consent. (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

*Mixed Marshall arts:* Eminem
albums. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Nightmayor:* Dream in which a younger, smarter, better-looking
candidate and his husband come to occupy the White House. — D.J.T. (Mark
Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Ownanism:* Retail therapy. (Duncan Stevens)

*Phart: *A phone call where something smells funny, like as an “IRS
agent” asking for your bank account number. (Ben Aronin, Washington)

*Philisteen:* A young person who listens to crude, junky music, unlike
the vastly superior music from when I was their age. (Jonathan Jensen,

*Pistil-whip:* Administer a very mild punishment. (Steve Fahey, Olney, Md.)

*Plaiditude: *A hoary maxim about Scots, like “Kilt is what happened to
the last person who called it a skirt.” (Becky Fisher, Madison, Wis.)

*Pursenal space:* Don’t /ever/ go into a woman’s handbag without asking.
(Hildy Zampella)

*Rapid aye movement:* What Trump demands from his aides. (Chris Doyle)

*RKOlogy: *The search for ancient movie reels. (Steve Fahey)

*Rudementary:* Prone to casting juvenile insults, like calling people
“loser” or “little.” (Bob Kruger)

*Secs:* A quickie (George Smith, Frederick, Md.)

*Sinopsis: * What I tell the priest at confession so as not to take all
day. (Jonathan Jensen)

*Slight of hand:* The President’s glove size. (Gary Crockett)

*Talegater:* Someone who’s always responding to your anecdote with a
better one of her own. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

*Worsetoshear:* Why they regret breeding longhaired sheep in England’s
Midlands. (Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.)

*LOL-lessness: *What’s wrong with my non-inking Invite entries. (Jesse

*Stalinvitational:* A humor contest in which the losers simply
disappear. (Jim Holt, Washington)

*Still running — deadline Monday, June 24: Our contest for
double-entendres. See . *

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