Style Invitational Week 1331: Paste imperfect — more fun with the paper


Plus the winning bank headlines of Week 1327


(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers


Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
Email //


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May 9

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning bank headlines)

*“It is discouraging to see a GHOST HAUNTING THE cluttered house with
clothes on the bed or toiletries all over the bathroom vanities.”// *
/(From a / /recent Post article

/ /on selling your home)/

*Publish a LoveNote in The Washington Post on Tuesday, February 14, and
let them know you’re *[thin]*king of them.* /(Marty McCullen, Week 647)/

*Voters are serious about wanting to make sure that their legislators*
[are focused on the right priorities] *SHOW UP WAVING MONEY IN THEIR
FACES.* ** /(Peter Metrinko, Week 647) /

As you might guess from this week’s results, the Empress loves contests
that send you searching through this newspaper, or even other people’s
newspapers. Here’s one we did only one time before, back in 2006.

Do you ever type something, start to change it, then get distracted and
move text to the wrong place, or accidentally delete words? Here’s your
chance to do it for Unfabulous Prizes! *This week:* *Choose a headline
or sentence *from The Post or another publication, print or online,
dated May 9-20, 2019. *Then change that headline or other text by:*

*A. Deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it *(put brackets
around the deleted text);

*B. Adding up to 40 consecutive characters /from the same article or ad/
*(write the additions in capital letters);

or *C. Both A and B, /as long as the added text goes at the end of your
headline or sentence. / *

As in the examples above. Please include the date and page number from
the paper or, if you have it, the URL of the Web page.

Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1331
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy.

Second place receives a lovely item crafted expressly as a Style
Invitational prize by Fan but Not a Loser Janine Borofka of Frederick,
Md.: It’s a *miniature basket crocheted entirely from tightly twisted
Washington Post delivery bags *of assorted colors. Big enough to hold
one large apple, it would also make a very nice Loser Mug cozy. It even
has little handles.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions might get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
or
“IDiot Card,”
or
possibly a new “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de)Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, May 20; *results
published June 9 in print, June 6 online. See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
“Forge a Head” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Jesse Frankovich;
Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style
Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev
. “Like” the Ink of the Day at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

**The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of
results. Especially if you plan to enter this week’s contest, check it
out at wapo.st/styleconv .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*FORGE A HEAD: BANK HEADLINES FROM WEEK 1327*

**In *Week 1327, *we once again asked
readers to choose a headline from an article or ad in The Post or
another publication that week and reinterpret it with a bank head, or
subtitle.

4th place:

/Headline: / *Bikers support bullying victims *
/Bank head:** /‘Those wimps deserve it,’ they claim** /(William
Collinge, Gettysburg, Pa.)/


Washington Post bags can be used for more than picking up dog poop, as
demonstrated by their use as yarn for this handcrafted basket, this
week's 2nd prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
3rd place:

/** / *Second inmate who escaped jail is found* /
/ Oog of Mongolia left ancient cave-prison more than 4,000 years ago //
/(Frank Mann, Washington) /

2nd place

/and the Atlanta ‘Barves’ T-shirt
:/

*Hoda Kotb welcomes baby number two!*
‘I know it’s weird but I love changing poopy diapers,’ TV host says
/(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) /

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*Easy ways to keep your home green without breaking the bank *
1. Don't paint it another color /(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) /

The bank-and-file: Honorable mentions

*On Capitol Hill, some Trump officials are testifying for an audience of
one *
‘Typical ratings for us,’ says C-Span /(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) /

*Full moon yoga for Fitness Friday!*
Instructor blames mishap on old workout leggings /(Frank Osen, Pasadena,
Calif.) /

*Taliban announce spring offensive *
Sunshine, flowers deemed blasphemous /(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)/

*Why it’s so hard to keep conspiracy theorists off YouTube *
It’s because YouTube is controlled by an Islamist/Soros/Hillary cabal
determined to infiltrate our society /(Neal Starkman, Seattle) /

*Missing man found safe and well *
Discovered money from one, water from the other/(Jesse Frankovich) /

*N. Korea rejects Pompeo, asks for more ‘mature’ U.S. envoy*
Officials irritated by secretary playing video games on phone at
negotiating table /(Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.) /

*Thieves target used cooking grease*
Restaurant owners lipid over slick crime, want perpetrators to fry
/(David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)/ *Grease heists can generate
‘$10,000 in a night’ *
24-hour guards ordered for Don Jr.’s comb/(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase,
Md.) /

*Davis ends hitless streak in a big way *
First baseman finally punches heckler /(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.) /

*For the Impossible Whopper, consider the possibilities *
**‘Biggest crowd ever,’ ‘total exoneration’ spring to mind /(Chris
Doyle, Denton, Tex.) /

*As support grows, Buttigieg officially joins race*
‘Okay, you can put me down as Caucasian,’ candidate affirms /(Mark
Raffman, Reston, Va.) /

*Henderson County job fair*
‘Eh, I’ve had better ones,’ says zoning dept. worker /(Frank Osen)/

*Stone demands Mueller report, dismissal of indictment*
Also demands ice cream with sprinkles at bedtime /(Robyn Carlson,
Keyser, W.Va.) /

*Explore Our New Model// * /(real estate ad)/ /
/Fashion Show Invitation Angers #MeToo Activists /(Kevin Dopart,
Washington) /

*Eight-foot alligator removed from Fort Myers home*
Stunned wildlife officials gape at animal’s four extra limbs /(Jesse
Frankovich) /

*Liberal Democrats hope small-dollar donations can sway more voters*
‘Just bribing them with $5 at the polls might work best,’ strategists
say /(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.; Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)/

*How to do a dumbbell roll-out*
The inside story of Herman Cain’s nomination to Fed /(Frank Osen)/

*Columbus does it again, puts Tampa Bay on brink *
Spirit of genocidal white European returns to menace native
Floridians/(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) /

*Redress measure passes in GU vote *
Success of ‘You’re not wearing that, are you’ referendum stuns Hoya
students /(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.; Craig Dykstra, Centreville,
Va.)/

*These Books Spark Joy*
After electric shock, ‘View’ host Behar swears off Kindles /(Jesse
Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)/

*Cherry Blossom 10 Miler wasn’t actually 10 miles*
Also, blossoms were poison ivy /(Dave Zarrow, Reston) /

*A Home That Worked for the Whole Family*
‘We loved it,’ says Suzanne Whole/(Chris Doyle) /

*Company pulls electric bicycles*
When batteries fail, seller offers a tow with tiny truck /(Frank Mann;
Mark Raffman) /

*Enjoy the outdoors all year!*
Bank tries to put best face on foreclosures/(Mark Raffman)/

*Irving scores 37 as Boston goes up 2-0*
His first 35 points are called back for interference /(Jon Gearhart, Des
Moines) /

*Minnesota United loses seesaw battle, 4-3 *
‘Maybe we should have played soccer instead,’ coach says /(Dave Airozo,
Silver Spring, Md.) /

*Why your next new iPhone should be used*
Never taking it out of the box decreases satisfaction, surveys show
/(Frank Mann; Danielle Nowlin) /

*Woods back on top of world *
Global warming sparks tree growth in Arctic /(Larry Carnahan, Peabody,
Mass.)/

*Ford expects $1 billion from change at plant*
Test drivers lost LOTS of coins in car seats, says CEO/(Rick Haynes,
Boynton Beach, Fla.) /

*Evans says he will stop outside consulting, legal work*
Council member to switch to trusted insiders, illegal activities /(Sam
Mertens) /

*Our system hasn’t buckled *
Which may be why our system’s pants are falling down /(Gary Crockett) /

*At Arena Stage, Ayad Akhtar’s ‘Junk’ deserves a AAA rating*
Playwright’s form-fitting suit leaves little to imagination /(Brendan
Beary) /

*Beware of IRS scams *
Think twice if government help-line agent touts Cayman Island
timeshare/(Marli Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.)/

*France turns to task of restoring an icon of Paris*
Crowdsourced funding to repair Brigitte Bardot’s worsening face,
reputation /(Kevin Dopart) /

*Guy enters NBA draft * //[player Kyle Guy]
May be selected in round by team /(Gary Crockett) /

*Total control in one spot where it truly matters*
Older folks who hit the keg should also hit the Kegels/(Barry Koch,
Catlett, Va.) /

*How to value a pot stock*
You simmered that chicken neck for hours, but is it better than canned?
/(Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.) /

/And Last:/ *In imperial China, the power of empresses*
Unbridled authority set precedent for today’s tyrannical rule, fickle
judgments/(Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.) /

*Still running — deadline Monday night, May 13: Our “grandfoals”
wordplay contest. See wapo.st/invite1330 .*

*DON’T MISS AN INVITE! * Sign up here
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