Style Invitational Week 1318: Love the tiny tail stain* — an anagram

Plus our biennial ‘joint legislation’ winners combining Congress
members’ names

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers

Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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February 7

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “joint legislation”)

*Original:* We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are
created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit
of Happiness. /(Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence, 1776) /

*Anagrams to:* What is evident is that women are not treated that
equitably. The late framers structured this for penile people. Guys
create and enact the laws. The gals are there behind their hubby,
alienated. Oh, refill, hon? /(Kevin Dopart, Week 1051, 2013)/

*Original:* The Washington Post Style Invitational

*Anagrams to:* I have total nitwits pen nasty loo things /(Chris Doyle,
Week 1051)/

The Loser Community has proved itself amazingly adept at rearranging
letters into clever anagrams. (In fact, if you join theStyle
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook, the
Devs will anagram your name inside out.) Recently we had a contest for
anagrams of movie titles; this week we hark back to our broader contests
of 2013 and 2004. *This week: Create an anagram — a phrase or sentence
with the letters rearranged — of any text (except merely someone’s name)
of any length, *as in the examples above. You must use every letter in
your original exactly once; you may add any punctuation or
capitalization you like. For short phrases, you might want to rearrange
Scrabble tiles, but it’s not cheating to use such free computer programs
as *Anagram Artist

*by one-time Loser Mike Keith. And before you send in your entry,
/please /use the quickie*Anagram Checker *
which will instantly tell you if you’ve left out a letter or added an
extra one.

/*It’s an anagram of “The Style Invitational.” But you got that, right? /

Submit entries at *
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a pair of big fat
foamy brown bedroom slippers adorned with jolly-faced poop emoji, a
prize that was inexplicably declined by the Week 1270 runner-up.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 18; *results
published March 10 (online Thursday, March 7). See general contest rules
and guidelines at . The
headline “Droll Call” was submitted by both Kevin Dopart and Bill
Dorner; William Kennard wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the
Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at
. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at ; follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

**The Style *Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of
results. This week's features a tribute to the peerless Mae Scanlan, who
died this week, plus tips on writing long-form anagrams from our star
'grammers. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


** *Week 1314* was our biennial “joint
legislation” contest to combine the names of new members of Congress as
“co-sponsors.” Some of the entries below will require you to say them
out loud, perhaps repeatedly. But believe me, they don’t compare with
such Mrs. Incredible stretches as *Omar-Harder-Lee-Lamb *(Mary Had
Little Lamb) or*Pappas-Scott-Braun-Meuser-Case* (Papa’s Got Brand New
Suitcase). Yes, this contest was a bear to judge.

4th place:

The*Hyde-Smith-Underwood *Bill to guarantee the right to unmarked
burials in national parks. (Steve Honley, Washington)

Mae Scanlan’s limerick from Week 887, 2010. Read more about Mae, who
died Feb. 5, in this week's Style Conversational at

3rd place:

The *Sherrill-Watkins-Scott* resolution that younger siblings should get
to play with the older kids’ toys. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) [share
all what kin’s got]

2nd place

/and the Jesus Bandages

The *Finkenauer-Pappas-Wild-Golden-Case* Act offers immunity to Eric and
Don Jr. for corroborating the Steele dossier. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

If you finish No. 2 this week, you win these poop emoji slippers. (Pat
Myers/The Washington Post)

The *Morelle-Gooden-Wright-Hill *Congressional Ethics Reform Act (died
in committee). (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Nays: Honorable mentions

The *Hyde-Smith-Smith-Rose-Rose-Levin-Levin-Garcia-Garcia*
Anti-Doublespeak Paperwork and Ink Reduction Act (Frank Mann, Washington)

*Wright-Steube-Baird-Underwood* Act designating nudist-friendly areas in
national forests. (Virginia Hume Onufer, Chevy Chase, Md., a First
Offender) [Rights to be bared under wood]

The*Omar-Kim-Allred* Act, a GOP-sponsored bill to summarily accuse all
Democrats of being Communists. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.) [Oh,
mark ’em all red]

The*Lamb-Scott-Gooden-Green* Act to clean out leftovers in the
refrigerator before they become really gross. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

The *Levin-Omar-Levin (LOL) *Proclamation recognizes that Israel and
Palestine shall never again take up arms against one another. (Chris
Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)

The *Pappas-Torres Small-Pence *bill to ban the sale of “slim-fit”
trousers to men over 50. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)

The *Gooden-Cunningham *Declaration praising the Third Little Pig for
cleverly choosing building materials. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

The *Pressley-Pence-Wright *Declaration to Place a Proper French Crease
in/les pantalons./ (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)

The *Guest-Rouda* [ruda]*-Lee-Rose-Tlaib* [t’leeb] Act to Remind People
to Just Sit Politely for a Few More Minutes (Jennie Reiff, Crystal Lake,
Ill.) [guest rudely rose to leave]

The *Lamb-Garcia* Act to prohibit bizarre ice cream flavors. (Robyn
Carlson, Keyser, W.Va)

The *Hyde-Smith-Wright* Act to improve the Witness Protection Program
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

The *Allred-Hill-McSally-Miller-Morelle-Mucarsel-Powell-Phillips-Sherrill-Torres
Small* proclamation telling Trump to go 2 L. (Bill Verkuilen, Brooklyn
Park, Minn.)

The *Golden-Neguse* Act to fund all federal operations. Forever.
(Jeffrey Steinberg, Bethesda, Md.)

The*Pappas-Hill-Harder* resolution confirming that fathers had to climb
higher distances, both ways, to school in their day. (Pamela Love,
Columbia, Md.)

The *Miller-Steube-Green *Declaration of the proper way to serve beer on
St. Patrick’s Day. (Joanne Free)

The *Hill-Steube-Baird *Act to authorize even more strip mining. (Jeff
Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

The*Wild-Lee-Horn-Neguse* Act designating exactly what’s good for the
gander. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

The *Roy-Luria *Shopping Mall Teen Safety Act (Jesse Frankovich, Grand
Ledge, Mich.)

The *Harder-Hern* Act to make people speak up. (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)

The *Spano-Kim-Harder* Act to appoint Stormy Daniels as Chief of
Presidential Oversight. (Mark Raffman)

The *Hayes-Wright-Tlaib* [t'leeb] resolution thanking Gen. Mattis for
his service and apologizing for the PTSD he's going to experience. (John
McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) [he's right to leave]

The *Taylor-Torres Small-Johnson* Act mandating that standards for
mohels should be stricter than just "He's probably pretty good with
scissors." (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.; Noah Friedlander, Chicago,
a First Offender)

The *Spano-Van Drew-Johnson *Declaration celebrating the years
1865-1869. (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)

The *Levin-Finkenauer* Act to limit the number of whistle-blowing
ex-Trump associates allowed to appear on MSNBC. (Jon Ketzner,
Cumberland, Md.) [eleven-fink-an-hour]

The *Allred-Wright-Hern* Act to reduce backups at stoplights. (John
Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) [all-red right turn]

The *Stauber-Wild-Lee *Act to regulate shower safety at the Bates Motel.
(Mark Raffman)

The *Levin-Horsford-Haaland* Act, a relief bill authorizing almost one
dozen professionals to assist Amsterdam's sex worker shortage. (Jon
Ketzner) [eleven whores for Holland]

The *Pence-Scott-Golden-Sinema* Resolution calling for the vice
president to hand over his rumored "25th Amendment stash" of Russian
hotel tapes. (Kevin Dopart)

The *Harder-Cox* Resolution that everyone has to stop giggling, we have
a serious resolution here. No, really guys, stop. Stop. (Ben Shouse,
Silver Spring, Md.)

And Last: The *Steil-Crow *Declaration: Ha! I got ink! (J. Larry Schott,
West Plains, Mo.)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Feb. 11: our Punku contest —
haiku with puns. See *