Style Invitational Week 1307: One for one, for all — a neologism contest

Replace one letter in a word with another — plus the winning

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers

Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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November 21

(Click here to skip down <#report> to this week’s winning digraph

*Blabbergasted*: Stuck with a talkative bus seat neighbor./(Rob Huffman,
Fredericksburg, Va.) /

*Snarknado:* A celebrity roast. /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) /

*Bransit:* What older adults do after breakfast. “After a big bowl of
granola, I head to the porcelain library for my daily bransit.”/(Dave
Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.) /

Four weeks ago, the Empress asked the Greater Loser Community to come up
with new terms in which a digraph — a two-letter single-sound block —
was replaced with another digraph. But she neglected to specify that
/both/ letters in that pair be changed, although that was the real
intention of the contest.

In today’s Week 1303 results, all the neologisms have a two-letter
change, but it wouldn’t be fair — to contestants or readers — to ignore
those clever words that replaced “sh” with “sn,” or “tr” with “br.” So
we’ll ask for that specifically. *This week: * *Replace /one/ letter in
an existing word, name or multi-word phrase with /one/ different letter
(in the same place in the word) and define or describe the result,* as
in the Week 1303 entries above that would have been among this week’s
honorable mentions. (Heck, I’ll even award them Loser magnets.) If you
entered Week 1303 with such a word, feel free to use it again for Week 1307.

*So after all these Invite neologism contests,* how do you know if your
word hasn’t already gotten ink for someone else? Now, thanks to 566-time
Loser Elden Carnahan, you can quickly search through the text of all
1,306 previous Style Invitational contests in one big low-tech document.
See it at * *; you
can also reach it on the Losers’ website, .

Submit entries at **

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives *the Christmas
Carol Kazoo,*

a three-inch-square box that evidently contains one very little kazoo,
plus song cards that are sure to make “Jingle Bells” even more annoying
(”Jingle Beeps”?). Donated by Christina Courtney.

*AND* for third- and fourth-place Losers, back by Loserly demand: We’re
on our last few “I Got a B in Punmanship”
Grossery Bags, so we return to our
classic*“Whole Fools” *logo — designed by Bob Staake based on an
ink-winning idea by Tom Witte — on a wholefoodsy natural-tone cloth bag
(new style this time). The Loser Mug
Gotta Play to Lose”) remains the other option.

*Honorable mentions get* one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve
Seen Better”
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 3; *results
published Dec. 23 (online Thursday, Dec. 20). See general contest rules
and guidelines at . The
headline “Di- Laughing” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Kevin
Dopart; Tom Witte wrote this week’s honorable-mentions subhead. Join the
Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at
. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at ; follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational * The Empress's weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter
this week's contest, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


**In *Week 1303, * the Empress asked the
Losers to create new words by replacing a two-letter block called a
digraph with another digraph. Within nanoseconds after the contest was
posted, much confusion and debate erupted over what qualified as a
digraph, causing the E to accept pretty much any two consecutive
letters, except blocks that retained one of the original letters (see
this week’s new contest).

4th place:

*Tweedo: *A brand of coarse woolen swimwear with the unfortunate
tendency to shrink when wet. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Jeff Bezos will love it, no? We're back to our previous Grossery Bag
design for 3rd- and 4th-place winners. (Idea by Tom Witte; design by Bob
3rd place:

*Schoolhouse Roth!:* A fun and educational TV show about early
retirement planning. (Frances Hirai-Clark, Columbia, Md.)

2nd place

/and theSquirrel Pot Pie apron
Roadkill meat sticks

/ *Ohmageddon: *It’s, like, totally the end of the world. (Melissa
Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*George W. Burp:* Runner-up, Most Uncouth President contest. (Tom
Gleason, Lawrence, Kan., a First Offender)

Nahlogisms: Honorable mentions

*Trimflam:* “I swear, a friend of my sister’s lost 25 pounds a week just
by vaping dried tapeworms.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Fritter*: Social media platform where you waste your entire day. (Frank
Mann, Washington)

*Snitter:* Antisocial media. (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

*Twitzkrieg:* “Early this morning he launched yet another Twitzkrieg of
outrageous insults.” (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*The Rolling Stoics:* They can’t get no satisfaction, but they’re okay
with that. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Whine flu: *The sniffles. “My husband was bedridden for three days with
the whine flu.” (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*Bluetorch:* What the GOP got burned with in the midterms. (Margaret
Welch, Oakton, Va.)

*Bragmire:* “While opening his present, Glen realized he’d gotten
himself into a real bragmire by claiming to be an experienced
rattlesnake-handler.” (Frank Osen)

*Choke on the Water: *The story of the 2016 Cleveland Indians. (Matt
Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

*Coasmella*: Nickname for the Gilroy Garlic Festival. (May Jampathom,
Oakhurst, N.J.)

*Commander in grief: *One more role he’s incapable of filling. (Chris Doyle)

*Department of the Ulterior: *If you can’t drain the swamp, make it
official. (Gary Crockett)

*Donald Truth: *We wish. (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

*Easter Bully:* Steals candy, blames Hillary. (Jeff Swallen, Richmond, Va.)

*“. . . and the parse you rode in on!” *How to finish telling off a
pedant. (Gary Crockett)

*Dropsticks*: Me eating in a Chinese restaurant. (Chris Doyle)

*Grampoo: *Bubbe’s blue rinse. (Jeff Contompasis)

*Flocrastinate: *To “hold it” while you play just one more round of
Words With Friends. (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Fraustrophobia: *Fear of one’s mother-in-law. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Freudonym: *A code name psychiatrists use in their notes. “Angry Orange
suffers from delusions of grandeur . . .” (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

*Gastroentomologist: *The doctor to visit if you have butterflies in
your stomach. (Michael Rosen, New York)

*To Insanity and Beyond! *The catchphrase of Buzz Lightyear’s brother
Donald. (Gary Crockett)

*Kiltie porn: *Upskirt pics from the Scottish Highland Games. (Chris Doyle)

*Gefillo fish:* Worst. Baklava. Ever. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

*Get to weird base*: Engage with orifices you didn’t know existed.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Global walling:* A brilliant plan to keep all that illegal warm air
from sneaking into our country. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

*Goulack:* Hungarian vegan stew. (Jeff Contompasis)

*Mooreography:* A sequence of moves used with teenage girls. (Kevin Dopart)

*Phartup:* A bad venture capital project: “Gerald’s worst phartup was
the self-driving baby stroller.” (Frank Osen)

*Prose but no cigar:* What to give the reader in your carpool. (Greg
Dobbins, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

*Reagan Optional Airport: *How longtime Washington residents view the
current name of DCA. (John Kupiec, Fairfax)

*Second-string halfbath:* A creek and a bucket. (Frances Hirai-Clark)

*Shove compartment:* A better name for that thing in your car that’s
jampacked with everything but gloves. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Stainless stool: *An advancement that would make washing cloth diapers
a breeze. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Stychology: *Subtle attempts to persuade your teenager to clean his
room. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Valley of the Dorks:* The California region that opted for “Silicon”
instead. (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

*Vlad School: *Preferred alma mater of new State Department appointees.
(Chris Doyle)

*The Stove Invitational:* Each week the Autocrat selects a dish, and
readers submit terrible recipes for that dish. (Gary Crockett)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 3: our contest for song
parodies set to holiday tunes. See *