Style Invitational Week 1301: Tell us a Fib

As in Fibonacci — mini-poems of 20 syllables in 6 lines. Plus the
winning “typo” headlines.

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers

Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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October 11

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “typo” headlines)

*I like*
*To drink beer!”
* *He said with a slurp.*
*“It’s party time, bro judges! [Burp.]”*

Here’s a poetry contest we’ve done only one other time, and that was
back in 2006, right after it was introduced by blogger Gregory Pincus.
It’s called the Fib,
for Fibonacci sequence, a numerical series in which, after the first
two, each number is the sum of the two before it. It’s reflected all
over nature, such as in nautilus shells, spiraling tree branches, and
Week 659 of The Style Invitational. The Fib counts by syllables, and
we’ll do this week’s contest as we did back then, except that we won’t
insist on subjects from today’s headlines (though we know we’ll get them
anyway). *This week: Write a humorous poem of 20 syllables divided among
six lines like this: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. And at least two — any two — of
the lines must rhyme. * As in the Fib above by Bob Staake Himself.

Submit entries at the website * *
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a giant ceramic
mug — or maybe it’d be better as a vase — from the Rattlesnake Museum in
Albuquerque, donated (as was an earlier one we gave out, as well as,
yay!, a future one) by Invite fan but not a Loser Mary Ellen Stroupe.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 22; *results
published Nov. 11 (online Nov. 8). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Nan Reiner; David Peckarsky, Roger
Dalrymple and Roy Ashley all submitted the honorable-mentions subhead.
Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at . “Like” Style Invitational Ink
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follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at
This week's column looks back on some of the from-the-headline names in
our 2006 Fibs contest; do /you/ remember Kaavya Viswanathan?

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*ScOops! Headline ‘typos’ from Week 1297*

In*Week 1297* we asked you to change a real
headline with a “typo,” then write a bank head, or subtitle, to explain
the resulting story.

4th place:

*Autumn activities abundant in area urea*
Pumpkin spice use detected by new drug tests
(J. Larry Schott, West Plains, Mo.)

If the snake's expression doesn't wake you up, the vat of coffee will.
(Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
3rd place:

**Target tries to entice seasonal workers porkers* *
Call goes out early for store Santas
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

2nd place

and the pathetic tractor glitter globe
*Still ticking tickling, with a message
*New Elmo toy teaches kids to obtain consent before touching
(John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

Honorable-mention entry by David Young, Falmouth, Mass.

*Crude Crud stockpiles fall for a fifth week*
Experts fear end of yard sales if shortage worsens
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Typo negatives: Honorable mentions

*Senate approves $8.4 billion legislative package to combat opioid
crisis crisps*
Grim new meaning for ‘Bet you can’t eat just one’
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*For the first time, the Met Mets will perform opera on Sundays*
After lousy season, players hope for more success with different kind of
(Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Amazon’s Alexa is coming for your microwave, wall clock and more amore*
Will offer bedside coaching during lovemaking (John O’Byrne, Dublin)

*School district’s plan to arm harm employees rejected *
Staffers won’t have to eat cafeteria fish sticks after all
(Eileen Doll, Gwynn Oak, Md.)

*Still boldly oldly going*
Costly Harvard study determines that centenarians are more likely to die
than the young
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Still boldly coldly going*
Local family celebrates refrigerator’s 50-year mark, promises to ‘clean
it out someday’
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

*Still boldly going goring: *
Former pacifist Ferdinand prepares for 12th bullfight (John Hutchins)

*There’s no such thing as a good wedding welding poem*
A verse on flux/unduly sucks. (Jeff Contompasis)

*3 charged with huge luge fraud on investors*
Was just an old sled with ‘Rosebud’ painted on it
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

*Apple’s priciest iPhone model yodel will cost $1,100*
The crazy hot market for upscale ringtones (Jeff Swallen, Richmond, Va.,
a First Offender)

*Congress shields airlines from scrutiny over fees feels *
TSA pat-downs were only the beginning (Francesca Kelly, Highland Park, Ill.)

*… over fees pees
… over fees feces
*Drops requirement for working toilets on planes
(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.; Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*… over fees feet*
Guy sitting next to you can still take off shoes
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond)

*Better Butter without dudes*
All-female remake of “Last Tango” hits theaters
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.; Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Choosing the right shampoo to maintain the most vibrant color colon *
Our crack team of reporters reviews 6 cleansing products
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*Forty-four siblings and end counting*
Duggars finally give up on keeping track
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*Heavierworkload forkload * *looks * *likely for Capitals’ Holtby *
Coach orders goalie to bulk up for season opener (Chris Doyle)

*Terps Bounce Right Back With Big Ten Den Blowout *
U-Md. finally wins a game by trouncing Cub Scout pack
(Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.)

*Republicans set dates rates to draw new districts*
Reportedly a flat $1 billion for a “very gerry” (Barry Koch, Catlett,
Va.; Rick Haynes)

*Michelle Obama Book Boo Tour Selling Out Arenas*
Haters Gonna Hate: Thousands of Birthers Buy Tickets to Jeer at Former
First Lady (Dave Airozo)

*A fresh beginning for early nearly music *
Paleo Grunting & Rock-Banging Ensemble begins new concert series (Dave
Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

*Holding Folding pattern*
Nats, Redskins, Wizards fans tire of annual end-of-season fade (Howard
Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

*After Massachusetts gas explosions, weary sweary residents ask, what
Question was actually more like ‘WTF?’ (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

*Bulgarian Vulgarian President Signs Decree *
Uses Extra-Large Crayons to Scrawl Curse Words on Document (Frank Osen)

*United ends the day with a deflating tie tire*
Soccer team just wants to get home to a hot bath and Netflix, must wait
for AAA
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)

*Think you know D.C. D.T.? *
Bill advanced for Smithsonian Museum of Trump (Elden Carnahan)

*The merits of building bridges brides*
More men opt for DIY robots as mates; “She’ll never sag or nag” (Tom Witte)

*What’s old is new ew *
Stormy Daniels recounts her famous ‘dinner’ date (Tom Witte)

*LSU beats Auburn on last-second FG FU *
Vulgarity during audible paralyzes shocked defense (Chris Damm, Charles
Town, W.Va.)

*Patriots acquire Gordon Gorgon in trade with Cleveland*
Belichick hopes for better protection for Brady (Chris Doyle)

*SpaceX changes plans for first moon moan flight *
All-sex-all-the-time mission increasingly viewed as impractical (Duncan

*Apple Watch’s potential side snide effects*
Status symbol brings out worst in braggy owners (Jeff Contompasis;
Howard Walderman)

*54% back single-payer prayer health care, poll finds*
Don’t waste God’s time with redundant requests, say proponents (Gary

*Trump may prefer a trade tirade war to a deal with China*
Would have chance to pull out whole new set of epithets
(Ken Gallant, Sequim, Wash.)

*Bama Mama makes it look easy*
Yours is setting new scoring records every week (Jesse Frankovich)

*Still running — deadline Monday evening, Oct. 15: “13” a movie by
changing the plot to where something humorously terrible happens. See . *