Style Invitational contest Week 1295: Really now? A matter of degree.


Plus ‘Trumpers’ Fog’ and other winning movie anagrams


(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers
August 30 at 11:26 AM

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning anagrams of movie titles)

*Sign you’re dating a loser: He pulls up in a clunker car.*
*Sign you’re /really / dating a loser: He pulls up in a clunker car that
is being towed.* (Kenny Burrow)

*Sign you are getting old: You forget to zip.
Sign you are /really / getting old: You forget to unzip. *(Chris Doyle;
Alan Rubin)

*Sign you might be in trouble: Your mother uses your middle name when
she calls for you.*
S*ign you might /really / be in trouble: The newspaper uses your middle
name when it writes about you. *(Russell Beland)

Here’s a contest we did one time, 17 years ago. There were lots of good
entries back in Week 401, including the ones above, but heck, 17 years —
even the Empress is optimistic that some more material has cropped up
since Russell Beland suggested this contest to her predecessor, the Czar
.
*This week: Tell us an indication to some problem, followed by an even
more dire sign. *

Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1295*
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our new Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins, from the cute
Danish chain Flying Tiger, a notepad

that looks like a chocolate bar with a corner nibbled away, and also a
rubbery elephant trunk that you fit over your finger and wiggle around
for whatever reason. Found in Spain by Inge Ashley.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
or
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 10; *results
published Sept. 30 (online Sept. 27). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Tom Witte; Jesse Frankovich wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational * The Empress's weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*MOTION MIXTURES: THE MOVIE ANAGRAMS OF WEEK 1291*

In *Week 1291 *we asked you to rearrange the
letters of a movie title, then describe the new movie. If you get a kick
out of these anagrams, join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at** *on.fb.me/invdev,* and the Losers
and other Devs will anagram your name.

4th place:

*An American in Paris → MANIACS! PAIN IN REAR!: * An artist from Omaha
finds that the City of Light isn’t all it was cracked up to be.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)


A notepad that's not really a candy bar, plus an elephant trunk for your
finger: We're all about practicality in our prizes. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post)
3rd place:

*Forrest Gump → TRUMPERS’ FOG:* A mentally challenged man’s bizarre
actions and personality cast a spell over millions of previously
sensible people. (Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.)

2nd place

and Who Gives a Crap toilet paper
:

*Oedipus Rex → DO I RUE SEX! :P *: A man suffers the ultimate
morning-after remorse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*All the President's Men → THE ILL-MANNERED PESTS:* Swarms of
uncontrollable vermin invade the White House! (Chuck Helwig,
Centreville, Va.)

Honorable mentions → MORE BLAH ONES NOT IN

*Conan the Barbarian → ON CAN: THE BARBARIAN: *The title character
unleashes a barrage of late-night tweets from his favorite room. (Jon
Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Les Miserables → LESS MISERABLE: *Only some of the cast die and nobody
asks Russell Crowe to sing. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*Les Miserables → AIMLESS REBELS: *Disaffected Parisians can’t seem to
muster interest in a revolution, muttering out tunes like “Do You See
the People Shrug?” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party → RACIST
CADS YELL OF ‘THE OTHER AMERICA,’ TRY TO HYPE THEIR RACISM:* The
not-so-secret history of the Republican Party. (Matt Monitto, Bristol,
Conn.)

*Cinderella → NICER LADLE: *A girl forced to cook and clean for her
stepfamily isn’t quite thrilled by her fairy godmother’s gift. (Duncan
Stevens)

*Cinderella → I’LL NEED CAR:* I appreciate the gown and slippers, Fairy
G, but I don’t see how I can get out of the ball before midnight. (Eric
Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Cinderella → I’LL END CARE: *Paul Ryan’s fairy godmother grants him one
wish. (Duncan Stevens)

*10 → 01:* Age takes its toll on a former hottie. (Jeff Contompasis,
from the cruise ship Norwegian Dawn, Atlantic Ocean)

*Gone With the Wind* → *WHITE-OWNED THING:* Spike Lee’s brutally honest
remake. (Kevin Mettinger, Warrenton, Va.)

*Gone With the Wind → DONE WITH THE WING:* Savoring the last piece of
fried chicken at Tara, Scarlett vows never to go hungry again. (Chris
Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*Gone With the Wind → NOTHING WITH WEED:* A Southern plantation clings
to tradition by planting tobacco instead of marijuana. (Robert
Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

*Gone With the Wind → I WON THE DEW THING: *A day in the life of
Kentucky’s 2017 Grand Champion Soda Pop Chugger. (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott
City, Md., a First Offender)

*Gone With the Wind → TONIGHT WE WHINED: *But tomorrow IS another day!
The irrepressible Scarlett remains ever hopeful . . . (Beverley Sharp)

*Animal Crackers → CRANIAL * *SMACKER: *Marx Brothers remake starring
the Three Stooges. (Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.)

*Beauty and the Beast → THE NAUSEATED TABBY:* Animated musical featuring
that hit song: “Rug gets messed! Rug gets messed! Some things cats
cannot digest! . . . ” (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*Bridesmaids → BRIDE SADISM:* A woman chooses hideous and expensive
dresses for her wedding attendants and expects a destination
bachelorette party. (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)

*Honey, I Shrunk the Kids → HIDE THE HORNY SKUNKS I:* Fox News covers up
sexual harassment. First in a series. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Hook → OH, OK. *Turns out the renowned pirate is just a regular guy.
(Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.)

*It’s a Wonderful Life → IT’S AWFUL, OLE FRIEND: *Clarence the angel
offers George Bailey “thoughts and prayers,” then lets George continue
on his suicidal path. (Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.)

*Debbie Does Dallas → DEBBIE DOLES SALAD:* Debbie sells vegetables by
day, but shares freely from her secret garden by night. (Jon Gearhart)

*Deliverance → LEARNED VICE: *A backwoods Appalachian teaches his sons
the ways of life on the river — and how to treat them city folks.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

*Forrest Gump → FOREST GRUMP:* In this dystopian fantasy, the man put in
charge of America’s forests and parks tries to shrink and despoil them.
(Kyle Hendrickson, Urbana, Md.)

*Field of Dreams → MERE DAFFODILS:* A celebrated Iowa farm disappoints a
busload of out-of-state tourists. (Chris Doyle)

*Saw→ AWS:* Sadistic assailants force their victims to watch cat videos
until they go insane. (Steve Honley, Washington)

*The Fault in Our Stars → THE RUINOUS LAST FART:* While plotting with
Cassius, Brutus abruptly excuses himself to change his undertoga. (Chris
Doyle)

*The Godfather → THE FROG DEATH:* “Nice lily pad you got here. It would
be a shame if something happened to it.” (Eric Nelkin)

*The Godfather → THE DOG FATHER:* “I knew it was you, Fido.” (Larry
Neal, McLean, Va.)

*The Godfather → THE HOG FARTED:* A Mafioso wakes up with a live animal
in his bed. (Ann Martin)

*All the President’s Men → ALL THE DERN INEPT MESS: *They thought no
staff could outdo Nixon’s . . . (Chris Doyle)

*All the President’s Men → TEND THE SMALLER PENIS:* A gang of shifty
White House staffers conspire to keep their jobs by jointly flattering
their boss. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*A Bug’s Life → ‘AS-IF’ BULGE:* The ladies don’t buy it when a scrawny
guy tries to make clever use of a banana. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Captain Blood → CAT: PAIN, BLOOD:* A brief documentary for the would-be
pet owner. (David Peckarsky, Tucson)

*Braveheart → AH, VERTEBRA: *William Wallace winds up being beheaded
once again. (Mark Calandra, Sudbury, Mass.)

*Slumdog Millionaire → SELL DOOM, MR. GIULIANI!:* The president’s lawyer
tries to convince him that a Mueller interview is a perjury trap: “You
won’t even get to phone a friend.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Snow White → WOW, THE SIN!* Nubile lass cohabits with seven weird men.
(Ann Martin)

*Mr. Smith Goes to Washington → MR. MOST EGO HITS WASHINGTON:* The
smartest, bestest man wins the Presidential election, but the news media
try to destroy him with fake scandal after fake scandal. Expected
running time 8 years; actual running time TBD. (Jon Gearhart)

*The Bridges of Madison County → THE STUDY OF BORING COMEDIANS:* The
Empress slogs through yet another dull batch of entries. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Singin’ in the Rain → A-GRINNIN’ IN THE SI:* What a glorious feeling,
I’m happy again! (Jesse Frankovich)

*Clueless → CLUELESS: *What was the contest again? (Luke Baker,
Columbia, Md.)

*Still running — deadline Tuesday night, Sept. 4: Our contest to
“discover” new words in a word search grid. See wapo.st/invite1294.
*