Style Invitational Week 1289: Fake gnus — animal fictoids
Plus winning wrong-but-creative answers to trivia questions
In the Southern Hemisphere, a falling cat always lands on its back.
(Not.) (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
by Pat Myers July 19 Email the author
(Click here to skip down <#report>to the winningly wrong answers to
*In the Southern Hemisphere, a falling cat always lands on its back.*
*Bats urinate only while perched upside down. The noxious odor coats
their * *bodies with a scent that repels predators. *(Patrick Mattimore)
*Director Chuck Jones based the Porky Pig character on a real stuttering
pig his parents once owned.* (Brendan Beary)
This week’s results got the Empress in the mood for another call for
totally bogus trivia. *This week: Tell us a fictoid — a humorously false
“fact” — about the nonhuman animal kingdom, *as in the examples above;
all of them were inking entries in our first, general fictoid contest,
in 2007. (Amazingly, a full 11 years later, each of them is still
untrue, as far as we know.)
Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1289*
Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,
* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a triple-pack of
*Useless but Nifty Paired Animal-Appendage Finger Ornaments* —
tentacles, cat paws, and human hands — donated by Loser Ann Martin. Plus
one *Elephant Trunk Finger Ornament,* from Inge Ashley.
*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 30; *results
published Aug. 19 (online Aug. 16). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
“To Err Is Humor” is by Jesse Frankovich; Kevin Dopart wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational * The Empress's weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*TO ERR IS HUMOR: THE WRONG ANSWERS OF WEEK 1285*
In *Week 1285* the Empress asked for a
typical trivia question accompanied by a humorously wrong answer.
*Q: Centuries before it became traditional, Archduke Maximilian of
Austria became the first recorded person to give what to his bride-to-be?*
/Correct:/ A diamond engagement ring.
/Bad guess:/ Chlamydia? (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
Second-place liar about animals gets all these appendages plus a
finger-elephant-trunk. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
*Q: What color are Smurfs?*
/Correct: / Blue.
/Wrong: / Red, after they’ve been steamed.
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)
2nd place and the horrible golf tees shaped like women's bodies:
*Q. Which North American mammal nests in other mammals’ bedding?*
/Correct:/ The short-tailed weasel.
/So wrong:/ Scott Pruitt. (Well, actually . . .)
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
*Q. Where does the expression "Hasta la vista, baby" come from? *
/Correct: /The movie "Terminator 2."
/Wrong guess: / The Spanish proficiency test for ICE agents?
(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)
The alt-wrong: Honorable mentions
*Q: The NFL recently announced that what action will incur a penalty?*
/Correct:/ Hitting with the helmet.
/Guess: /Offending Donald Trump?
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
*Q: Au is the symbol for what chemical element? *
/Incorrect: / Cutekittium.
(Dan Helming, Maplewood, N.J.)
*Q: And which element is Pb?*
/Guess:/ Peanut butter?
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
*Q: What fabled angry little troll would take away your firstborn child
if you couldn’t guess his name? *
/So wrong!: /Jeff Sessions? (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
*Q: Cheddar cheese originated in which country?*
/Guess: /Kraftghanistan? (Tom Witte)
*Q: What is the only Division I college team to take its nickname from a
/Correct:/ The Austin Peay Governors.
/Incorrect:/ The Syracuse Orange.
(Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)
*Q: What state was named for one Thomas West? *
/Nope: /West Virginia?
/Correct:/ Delaware: West was Baron de la Warr.
(Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)
*Q: In response to current events, this business recently changed its
name, removing any reference to its founder.* /
Correct:/ Trump SoHo Hotel.
/Wrong:/ Edward Coli Lettuce Farms.
(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)
*Q. During a Passover Seder, what is traditionally said regarding
strangers who are poor and have no place to go?*
/Correct:/ “Let all who are hungry come and eat!”
/NOT correct:/ “WOMP, WOMP.”
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)
*Q: Per a recent fad, what “spy” is placed inside a house, reporting
back to Santa on who has been naughty and nice?*
/Correct:/ The Elf on the Shelf.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
*Q. Who famously said, “I never met a man I didn’t like”? *
/Correct:/ Will Rogers.
/Incorrect: /Hannibal Lecter.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
*Q: The band Imagine Dragons claims its name is an anagram. Which one
did the group most likely have in mind?*
/Most likely:/ Raging Mad Noise.
/Least likely:/ Gonad Migraines. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
*Q. The Bill of Rights is composed of how many amendments? *
/So wrong: /One: the Second. — D.J.T.
(William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)
*Q. What does the acronym NASA stand for?* /
Correct: /The National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
/Incorrect:/ Not, Apparently, a Space Agency (Dan Helming)
*Q. What renowned theater figure said, “There are no small parts, only
small actors”? * /
Correct:/ Konstantin Stanislavski.
/Oh, no:/ Peter Dinklage.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
*Q: Who was the lead of the pop group Spanky and Our Gang? *
** /Correct:/ Elaine McFarlane.
/Wrong: /Stormy Daniels.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
*Q. Where is Mount Rushmore?*
/Correct:/ //South Dakota.
/Guess: / New York City?
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
*Q. On what date did the South surrender?*
/Correct:/ April 9, 1865.
/Alternative answer: /It did?
(Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
*Q: In “Of Mice and Men,” what California man wants only to pet bunnies? *
/Not at all correct: / Hugh Hefner? (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
*Q. An ancient-alien theorist is a person who believes what? * /
Correct: /That extraterrestrials helped humankind to develop civilization.
/Alternative answer:/ Anything. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
*Q: What was Richard M. Nixon’s middle name?*
(Dinah Rokach, Silver Spring, Md.)
*Q: Who composed the Minute Waltz?*
/Correct: /Frédéric Chopin.
/Guess:/ George Minute? (Art Grinath)
*Q: What is the heaviest naturally occurring substance found on Earth? *
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
*Q: What 10th-century Buddhist text established the line of succession
of Dalai Lamas?*
/Correct:/ The Book of Kadam.
/Guess: /“Children of a Lhasa God”? (Chris Doyle)
*Q: What is the slogan of Melania Trump’s public-service campaign?*
/Correct:/ “Be best.”
/So wrong:/ “Be best.”
(Lisbeth McCarty, Norman, Okla., a First Offender)
*Still running — both deadlined Monday night, July 23:
Song parodies about the news (wapo.st/invite1287);
*Disclaimers and product warnings (wapo.st/invite1288
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