Style Invitational Week 1288: Your results may vary—write a funny
disclaimer/warning


Plus: How are dust bunnies like the World Cup? Our compare/contrast
winners.


(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
by Pat Myers July 12 Email the author

//

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winners of our contest to
compare/contrast any two items on the list we gave)

*“Do not let this bottle serve you as an inspiration to call your ex in
a pathetic attempt to get back together. Some very fine grapes have died
in the making of this wine. Show some respect.” *

That disclaimer, shared all over the Internet and who knows where else,
appears (in a photo, at least) on a bottle of “Soggy Bottom Boys
Sauvignon Blanc 2012.”

That particular vintage — or even the label — doesn’t seem to exist,
alas. But that doesn’t make it any less useful as an inspiration for a
contest, this one suggested by 65-time Loser Bill Spencer: *Write a
funny disclaimer or warning for some product or service, * as in the
example above that Bill showed us. Be sure not to say untrue bad things
(at least that anyone could think was real) about a particular real
person or organization; we don’t want to libel anyone.

Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1288*
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, courtesy of
Loser Nan Reiner of South Florida, a *SnoBall Battle Pack:* “Create your
own snow for all year round snowball fights.” Not only are the balls
(which you make from a bag of powder) not cold; one of the ingredients
is “Parfum (strawberry).” In Florida, you take what you can get, I
suppose. And of course you’re wondering: Is there a warning on the
package? Yup, nine lines of it, including DO NOT EAT. And it’s supposed
to be a snowball.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
or
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 23; *results
published Aug. 12 (online Aug. 9). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*THOUGHTS AND PAIRS: REPORT FROM WEEK 1284*

** Week 1284 was our perennial contest in
which the Empress put up a list of random nouns (solicited from the
Facebook group Style Invitational Devotees )
and asked you to explain how any two were similar, different or
otherwise connected. “A deck of 51 cards” led to a slew of entries about
Florida Man, Kim Jong Un or the Current Occupant “being short of a full
deck,” and to Alex Ovechkin’s smile missing something as well. And then
there were the valiant if convoluted efforts to make some connection,
like: “Oscar Wilde: Penned ‘The Importance of Being Earnest.’ Roach
Motel: Penned roaches, but also they import ants, if being earnest.”

4th place:

How is*Florida Man* like *a pound of scrapple?* Both are usually cooked
before breakfast. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)


Snowballs in July, donated by Florida Woman. (VAT19.COM)
3rd place:

A *Roach Motel* is like *a North Korean beach vacation: *Neither one has
ever gotten a bad review from a guest. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

2nd place and the coffee mug with a ceramic snake head inside
:

How the *World Cup* is different from *dust bunnies:* In the World Cup
you see Lionel Messi, and dust bunnies you see lyin’ all messy.
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

The difference between*the print version of The Washington Post
*and*Florida Man: *I'm happy to find one of them lying on my doorstep at
5 a.m. (Jerome Uher, Alexandria, Va.)

Wishful linking: Honorable mentions

*Dust bunnies* are often found under a bed. *Florida Man *is often found
under arrest. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

The difference between an *emotional-support peacock *and *Justify’s
tail:* When the peacock’s tail is raised, it reveals one of nature’s
most beautiful sights. With the other, it’s a bit less inspiring. (Peter
Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)

A *North Korean beach vacation: *Better not grab that poster! *Justify’s
tail: *Better not grab that posterior! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Alex Ovechkin’s smile* and an *emotional-support peacock:* They have
approximately the same number of teeth. (Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.)

A *deck of 51 cards* and*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John *each contain a least
a few deuces. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

For both the *World Cup *and a *North Korean beach vacation*, one of the
main activities is taking a dive. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

The difference between the *World Cup* and *the new Duchess of Sussex
*[the former Meghan Markle]: The World Cup has floppers, while the
duchess is still a young woman. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

How are the *World Cup* and the new*Duchess of Sussex* the same? Neither
has anything to do with America anymore. (Nick Semanko, Washington)

*Dust bunnies* vs. a *North Korean beach vacation: *One’s bound to be
found under your bed, with the other, you’re found bound and underfed.
(Frank Osen)

The difference between*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and *Justify’s tail:*
One is found /above/ a horse’s arse. (David Smith, Stockton, Calif.,
traveling in Japan)

The difference between *dust bunnies *and *Justify’s tail *is that my
dust bunnies are more than three years old. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

*Cold, hard facts:* Shocks. An *emotional-support peacock: *Struts.
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

Both the *new Duchess of Sussex *and the *print version of The Post
*involve a splash of color on a whole lot of gray. (Duncan Stevens)

The new*Duchess of Sussex *and the*print Post:* You won’t find either at
Mike Pence’s lunch table. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

The *print Post* vs.*a pound of scrapple:* One uses a lot of ink, the
other a lot of oink. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

*Cold, hard facts:* Dismal reality. *A Roach Motel:* Dismal realty.
(Beverley Sharp)

Neither the *Roach Motel* or *cold, hard facts *seem to have much
checking out going on. (Edward Gordon, Austin)

A *Roach Motel *vs. the *print Post: *The Post gets the job done faster.
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

The*print Post *vs. a *Roach Motel: *You might actually find a Roach
Motel in a D.C. millennial’s kitchen. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

A *pound of scrapple *vs. *armpit hair: *You’ll never catch a European
with a pound of Scrapple. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City, Md.)

A *pound of scrapple *vs. an *emotional-support peacock:* If you’re
really hungry, I suppose you could eat the peacock. (Stephen Dudzik,
Olney, Md.)

*A pound of Scrapple* vs. *Florida Man: *The pound of scrapple has more
gray matter. (Tom Witte)

*Edible glitter:* Messy.
*The World Cup: *Messi.
*Florida Man:* Methy. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John *vs. an *emotional-support peacock:* One is
the UTMOST KOREAN PLACE I CAN POOP! The other is an anagram of that.
(Jesse Frankovich)

A *coffee mug with a ceramic snake head inside* vs.*Kim Jong Un’s
Porta-John: *One has a scary head sitting inside the mug; the other has
a scary mug sitting inside the head. (Cathy Lamaze, Silver Spring, Md.)

Unlike *Justify’s tail,* a *coffee mug with a ceramic snake head inside
*is going to belong to a Loser. (John Hutchins)

*Dust bunnies* and *cold, hard facts *are both easily swept under the
rug in the White House. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.; Stephen Dudzik; Frank
Osen)

*Cold, hard facts* and *Florida Man:* Both are certifiable. (Jesse
Frankovich)

*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and *armpit hair:* No one has to pretend that
armpit hair smells wonderful. (Duncan Stevens)

*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and a *deck of 51 cards:* You wouldn’t want
to play Go Fish with either one. (Frank Osen)

The *print Post *and *cold, hard facts*: Both are things the president
doesn’t subscribe to. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Kim Jong Un’s Porta-John* and the *print Post:* One is full of crap and
one belongs to a great leader. — D.J.T., Washington (Cindi Rae Caron,
Pawleys Island, S.C.) **

*Still running — deadline Monday, July 23: Our contest for song parodies
about the news. See wapo.st/invite1287. *