Style Invitational Week 1281: We only have (googly) eyes for you

A photo contest: Make something funny by pasting eyes on it

by Pat Myers May 24 Email the author


(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning neologisms from Week 1277)

For many years, the Empress has had a lovely neighbor around the corner
whom we’ll call Dave, since his name is Dave. And when they see each
other around the ’hood, Dave will often say, “You know, I see that thing
of yours in the newspaper, that contest — and man, I just don’t get it.”

Dave, here is your contest. It is the most gettable of contests.

You know those googly eyes you can stick onto things? Get yourself a
pack at the dollar store, or just draw some, and . . . *This week: Send
us a photo of something that you have made funny by pasting googly eyes
on it; funny titles and captions are optional. *This is, we know, not a
new idea; five years ago, for example, BuzzFeed published“40 Pictures
That Prove That Everything Is Better With Googly Eyes,”

and there’s even an online generator where you can put virtual googly
eyes on the photo of your choice /(do not use this)./ But fortunately
for us all, there still are some things out there that/do not have any
googly eyes on them. /

Here's one way to be a standup comic: with a dry-erase text balloon on a
headband. (Mark Holt)

How we’ll do this:

— *Get googly eyes.* They’re very cheap at dollar stores, craft stores,
etc., usually coming dozens to a bag in various sizes for a buck or two.
Or if you can’t find them, just draw some on a piece of paper.

— Put googly eyes on something or someone and take a photo. *It must be
an original photo;* we don’t want to get into copyright problems. For
this reason, also don’t paste eyes on a photo that someone else took,
unless the photo is part of a sign, on packaging, etc. *Don’t just
Photoshop eyes onto a photo. *

— Obviously, this isn’t one of our cerebral, more-clever-than-funny
contests; we’re hoping for gut laughs. But you know we can’t resist
witty wordplay and clever jokes. So a *funny title or caption
*accompanying your googly-eyed toaster might pop it above someone else’s
googly-eyed toaster.

— Upload your photo at the website **
(all lowercase). *For this week,
please submit just one photo per entry form. You may still, however,
send as many as 25 entries. * If you have a title and/or a caption, put
those in the first field of the form, where the text of entries usually
goes; then scroll down to the upload part near the bottom. If you have
trouble getting Mr. Form to accept your photo, don’t get all panicky;
you may email it as an attachment to the Empress at (put “Week 1281 photo” in the subject line).
Don’t forget to include your first and last name and your postal address
in the email.

Get yourself a bag of eyes at a craft store, or just draw some.

— You’ll get an extra week to get the googly eyes, persuade your toaster
to pose for you, etc. So the *deadline is Monday night, June 11;*
results published June 24 (online June 21).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a set of three
handy, or perhaps heady, headbands, each supporting a comics-style text
bubble made of dry-erase board — one for comments, one for thoughts, one
for action noises — on a spring several inches above your head. Think of
all the talking you won’t have to do at parties, and not only because
everyone there will avoid you like a subpoena. Donated by Loser J. Larry

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). **. See general contest rules and guidelines at . The headline “Beeologisms”
was submitted separately by Tom Witte, Kevin Dopart and Jesse
Frankovich; Tom also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the
lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at ; follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


**In *Week 1277* we presented 15 sets of 7
letters each, and asked you to create a new term from the letters of any
of the sets. The twist, in a shout-out to the New York Times Spelling
Bee game, was that you could use any of the letters more than once, or
not at all.

4th place

/From ROXTANE:/ *Ranx: *Shapewear and deodorant in one! (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)

3rd place

/From ROXTANE:/ *Oxanne:* No, really, you shouldn’t turn on /any/
lights. (Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)

2nd place

and the red crab beanie
/From FINCOUT: / *FU-ton:* A couch so uncomfortable, it appears to be
designed out of spite. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

/From PTACKRO:/ *Krapatoa: * A presidential Twitter eruption. (Jeff
Hazle, San Antonio)

PTACKRO -->Crap pack:
Honorable mentions

/From WMALTER:/ *“Maaaaaaaate!”: *What excitable announcers yell during
a chess match. (Duncan Stevens)

— *Lawmart:* At this big-box store, you WILL have 12 items or less in
the express lane, or ELSE! (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

— *Were-ewe:* A sheep in wolf’s clothing. (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)

— *WMATA ETA:* A known unknown. (Pete Morelewicz, Fredericksburg, Va.)

— *Tartar Melter:* Cool Mint & Drano mouthwash, recommended by four out
of five surviving dentists. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

— *Erratata: *A third nipple. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

/From PHANETY:/ *Yentanet: *You got questions? We got advice. You don’t?
We got it anyway. (Sue Taubenkibel, Washington, a First Offender)

— *Hyenatape:* Sitcom jargon for the laugh track. (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)

— *Ant-panty: * A thong. (Kathleen DeBold)

— *Ante-panty:* A fig leaf. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

/From CHELOAN:/ *Hello-hole: *New Yorker’s term for Midwest town where
strangers dare to smile at you on the street. (Duncan Stevens)

/From CYMENGR:/ *Gene me: * “Let’s do some baby-making.” (Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)

— *McGermy:* The ball pit at the PlayPlace. (Bill Dorner)

— *Mergency: * A shotgun wedding. (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

/From FINESTY:/ *Styfine: *“No allowance till you clean your room!
(Kathleen DeBold; Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

— *Yesfest:* A Trump Cabinet meeting. (Janelle Gibb, Rockville)

— *Sinfinity: * A very long day at the confessional. (Rob Cohen,
Potomac, Md.)

/From FOUTHGL:/ — *Hugglut: * A visit to Grandma’s. (Sue Lin Chong,

/From LABGENT: / *Alt-Age: * The radical wing of AARP. (Terry Smith,
McLean, Va., a First Offender)

— *Gall gene:* The biology that permits you to hire Bill Clinton’s
lawyer to defend you against an investigation you claim is masterminded
by people who are out to get you because they secretly support Hillary.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

— *Balge: *One reason we don’t like Speedos. (Michael Rolfe, Cape Town,
South Africa)

/From RONTCUD:/ *Courtoon:* A comic strip featuring the president’s
current lawyer, a person named Kasowitz Dowd diGenova Toensing Cobb
Giuliani. (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)

/From UBATRIE:/ *Bratterie:* A chic but honest day care center.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

— *Rub-tuba: * That moment during a massage when you relax a bit too
much and accidentally let one out. (Matt Monitto)

— *Teeter-teeter:* Playground activity with weight-mismatched kids.
(Duncan Stevens)

/From ROXTANE:/ *Exxonerate: * To absolve of blame even when wrongdoing
is obvious. "Campaign donations are one way of being exxonerated after
an oil spill." (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines; Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

/From KETICYR: / *Erectricity:* When there’s more than just a little
spark between you. (Jon Gearhart)

*Still running — deadline Tuesday night, May 29: our “air quotes”
contest. . *