Style Invitational Week 1274: Heading for a foal — our famed horse
name contest

‘Breed’ any 2 names on our list and name the foal; plus 5 x 5 poems
for our 25th birthday

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Email the author

April 5 Email the author


(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning 5x5 poems)

*Walk in the Sun x Last Bad Habit = Walk in the Sin*

*Mr. President x Clever Mind = Never Mind*

*Choo Choo x Wisely = Train of Thought*

*Gold Town x Telekinesis = Mine Over Matter*

Once again, it’s Post Time: It’s the 24th annual Style Invitational
foal-naming contest, which if history is a guide will be our most
popular of the year. The Empress usually ends up looking at about 4,000
entries, some from people who’ve been entering this contest (and only
this contest) every year since 1995.

At the bottom of this page is a list of 100 of the 360 horses nominated
for this year’s Triple Crown races, the Kentucky Derby, Preakness and
Belmont; your job is to *“breed” any two names and name the “foal” to
reflect both names,* as in the examples above. (It matters not to us
that all 100 horses are male, and at least one is a gelding.) As in
actual thoroughbred racing, *a name may not exceed 18 characters
including spaces, *but one or more of the characters may be punctuation
marks or numerals. You may run words together to stay within the length
limit, but the name should be easy to read. *Make sure you (A) spell the
original horse names correctly in your entry, and (B) use the “Name A x
Name B = Foal Name” format as shown in the examples,* so that the
thousands of entries will be properly sorted and the Empress will have a
chance of preserving some small fraction of her sanity. As always, you
may send as many as 25 entries.

Submit entries at the website **
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the *Farting
Bubble Blaster,* a large
squirt gun you arm with a canister of cherry-scented bubble fluid:
“Sounds like farts — smells much better.” Plus battery-powered
“FFRRRPT!” sounds. Not included but evidently for sale: bubble fluid
that actually smells like farts. Donated by Loser Nan Reiner.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
“IDiot Card.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, April 16; *results
published on Kentucky Derby weekend: May 6 in print, May 3 online. See
general contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline “The Muse at 5” is by Chris
Doyle; Chris and Jesse Frankovich both suggested the honorable-mentions
subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook
at .

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column —
published late Thursday afternoon, April 5 — discusses the new contest
and results. Especially if you plan to enter, visit

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

In *Week 1270* we celebrated the Invite’s
25th anniversary with a “5x5” poetry contest for any of three forms: 5
lines of 5 syllables each; 5 lines of 5 words; or 5 lines of iambic
pentameter (ba-DUM five times over). We let hyphenated compounds count
as either one or two words.

4th place:

/5 lines x 5 words:
/Dotard tweets his morning whine:
“Tillerson has crossed the line.
Calling me a moron? Fine.
But saying Putin poisoned Skripal?
That’s it for me, pal.”
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

3rd place:

/5 lines of iambic pentameter:/
Shall I compare thee to a lump of clay?
Thou are more agile (well, perhaps a bit);
Thou sleepest all the night and half the day;
When thieves break in, thou carest not a whit.
I love thee, dog, so I put up with it.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

2nd place and the poop emoji pillow and slippers;

/5 lines x 5 syllables/
Some anagram fun:
“I’ve beaten the draft,”
Said Donald. “It’s done.”
The elder Trump laughed,
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

Like socks need shoes, like gangsters seek out banks,
As forks want knives, or sick folk need a nostrum,
A weakling dreams of watching troops in ranks,
Parading while he preens atop a rostrum,
But should that happen here? We’ve said, “No tanks.”
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Nein to fives: Honorable mentions

/The Upside of Unsuccessful Negotiations With North Korea/ *
* *If tête-à-têtes* fail
And Doomsday draws nigh
With nuclear hail,
We’re free to eat pie
And throw out the kale.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

*Trump deals* fearlessly
With the NRA
To guarantee that
We’ll #neveragain
Until the next time.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Overpaid teachers *
Who get summers off,
Such loathsome creatures,
Just pigs at the trough . . .
Taught you to read this.
(Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md., an elementary school teacher)

*What would* Jesus say?
Mike Pence must wonder,
Saying his prayers
The end of each day:
“At least Trump’s not gay”?
(Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*5 WORDS x 5*

** *Initially happy* to score me,
Endeavoring now to ignore me,
He paid me a sum
To stay quiet, the bum.
Beyond merely angry, I’m Stormy!
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*At the NBA’s* big game,
Fergie, without fear or shame,
Heaped derision on her name.
Her jazzed-up, breathy fare
A bomb, bursting in air.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*The Washington Redskins *name’s offensive,
Rude, repugnant and rancor-intensive,
Reminding us of something disgraceful.
Get a moniker less distasteful:
Call them the Mid-Atlantic Redskins.
(Connie Dobbins Akers, Radford, Va., a First Offender)

*Czech snowboarder *bombs the gates,
Wins gold in skiing
Next time, donning figure skates?
Here’s hoping that Ester Ledecka
Pulls off an Olympic trifecka. (Duncan Stevens)

*Pruitt wants *a soundproof chamber,
Carson wants a dining set,
Shulkin wants free family travel,
Mnuchin wants a private jet . . .
Are we draining swampland yet? (Nan Reiner)


*Trump’s lawyer swore *she’d leave there on a gurney
When he took Stormy Daniels’s deposition,
This wouldn’t be some civil kid-glove tourney:
“Ma’am, you’re a porn star by your own admission.”
She said, “Yeah, so? You’re Donald Trump’s attorney.” (Frank Osen)

*The sad New York mortician, *with a curse,
Complained his auto’s knocks “do not sound good.”
The car technician looked beneath the hood:
And said, “Alas, the news could not be worse:
To get to Broadway, sir, you must re-hearse.”
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*“Good morning,* Special Counsel’s Office. How
May we be of assistance to you now?”
“Ms. Daniels? Two o’clock. We’ll see you — ciao!”
“Rex Tillerson? Hi, welcome to the fold.”
“Who’s this? Mr. McCabe, could you please hold? . . . ” (Nan Reiner)

I readily confess that I’m a glutton;
For me, a morning snack’s a leg of mutton.
Oh, bloody hell! There goes another button.
Although they say that thin is sexier,
I’ll never die from anorexia. (Brian Allgar, Paris)

If you were talented as Tennyson
And drank ambrosia by the liter, son,
You couldn’t match the farce and menace in
The tale of fictive Peggy Peterson

And fake, fake President, David Dennison. (Frank Osen)

/And Last: /
*One score and five* momentous years ago
’Twas not forefathers but a Czar who so
Inveigled us to write his jokes for free
And rack our brains for humor with no fee.
To celebrate this? Better you than me. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
[This poem had originally begun “Two score” until reader Francis
O’Donnell wrote in to point it out. We’re glad /someone’s /keeping score.]

//Still running — deadline Monday night, April 9: Our contest to tell us
who (or what) would be better for various federal jobs. See
* *.

*DON’T MISS AN INVITE!* Sign up here
to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style
Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete
with links to the columns.



These 100 horses listed below were drawn from a list of this year’s 360
Triple Crown nominees published by Churchill Downs; “breed” any two and
name the foal for Week 1274, above. Submit entries at
* .*

*But first:* Do the Empress — and yourself — a favor and . . .

● *Don’t “breed” two names and use a third name from the list for the
“foal.”* People do this every year and never get ink because it’s just
too easy to do. And just two horses at a time, please. (We’re just
romantic that way.)

● *Don’t number your list of entries.* Numbers at the beginning of a
line will give fits to our name-sorting system. You’ll have to count to
25 on your 25 fingers.

● *Type each entry on a single line.* This is essential. If you have the
parents’ name on one line and the foal on another, little Junior is
going to get lost from Mom and Dad when we do The Big Sort. Remember,
use *this format: Horse A x Horse B = Foal Name*

● *Observe the 18-character limit,* including spaces and punctuation
marks. In other Invite contests, the Empress has occasionally given ink
to an entry that didn’t technically fit the rules, if it was especially
clever or funny. But there’s no give on the letter limit on horse names
— it’s part of the challenge.


*Alpha to Omega*

*Ark in the Dark*



*Ax Man*

*B On Time*

*Bail Out*

*Beautiful Shot*


*Big Brown Bear*

*Blame the Rider*

*Bolt d’Oro*


*Bugle Notes*

*Call a Cop*


*Catholic Boy*


*Choo Choo*

*Clever Mind*




*Deputy Czar*

*Dream Friend*


*Enjoy the Journey*



*Exclamation Point*


*Family Kitten*

*Firenze Fire*


*For Him*

*Gold Town*

*Good Magic*

*Gotta Go*


*Heck Yeah*

*Hollywood Star*



*Last Bad Habit*


*Lone Sailor*


*Magnum Moon*





*Most Amusing*

*Mr. President*

*Mt. Rushmore*

*My Boy Jack*

*My Dream*


*Noble Indy*

*Numero Thirteen*

*Old Time Revival*

*One More Tom*


*Personal Time*

*Pony Up*

*Private Eye*

*Promises Fulfilled*




*Retirement Fund*


*Runaway Ghost*


*Seven Trumpets*

*Silver Hammer*


*Snapper Sinclair* **



*Sporting Chance*

*Still Having Fun*

*Strike Power*

*Talent Scout*





*The Money Dance*

*Times Square*

*Tiz Our Turn*

*Tough Times*

*Tres Equis*


*Walk in the Sun*


*World of Trouble*

*Yee Haw*

*Zing Zang*

Source:Churchill Downs