Style Invitational Week 1257: The year in redo (Part 1) — our
retrospective contest


Enter any of our contests from last November-May. Plus winning false
fashion facts.





The Million Middle Managers March, Gary Crockett's winner in Week 1225.
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

Entertainment
December 7 at 10:58 AM

//

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning fictoids about fashion
and clothes)

/Winner of Week 1225, novel protest marches and slogans: / *The Million
Middle Managers March: * *If It Were Up to Me, I’d Say Yes *(Gary Crockett)

/Winner of Week 1215, “X is so Y. . .” jokes: / *My chiropractor is so
unscrupulous, he charges Paul Ryan the same price as people who have
backbones.* (Jeff Shirley)

Have you ever wished you could just hit rewind on the whole year? More
to the point, “ever” as in these past 12 months? The Empress is here for
you, at least Invitationally, with our annual retrospective contest —
this year spread across two weeks: This week we invite you to revisit
Invite contests dating from last December through May — a time when some
of us had trouble feeling the funny. This period covers some of our most
popular perennial contests: obit poems , foal
“breeding,” “joint legislation,”
neologisms, jokes, headlines. And some zingy
one-off contests as well.

*Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1203
through Week 1229,* except for Weeks 1205 and 1206, last year’s do-over
contests. You may enter multiple contests as long as you don’t submit
more than 25 entries in all. For contests asking you to use that week’s
paper, use papers and online articles dated Dec. 7-18. For the obit
poems, Week 1208, continue to write about people who died in 2016. You
may resubmit non-inking entries from earlier contests.

You'd have to eat just one: This week's second prize. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post )

*How to find all these contests:* Oh, this is where the Empress really
owes the Loser Community. Go to the Losers’ own website, *nrars.org, *
click on *“Master Contest List,”* and scroll allll
the way down to 1203 and beyond. Read the contest descriptions, choose
one (or two, or 25), then click on the “E” icon for the online version
of the week’s contest, or the “WP” for the print version. And check the
results of that week’s contest (usually four weeks down the chart) to
make sure your idea didn’t already get ink. /Please/ give the week
number of the contest you’re using. *See this week’s Style
Conversational column at wapo.st/conv1257 for
other ways* (maybe better ones for you) to see all the contests.

Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1257*
(all lowercase) — *NOT the entry
forms for* *those old contests. *

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a *Holiday Snack
Pack* consisting of one bag each of Ohio Cow Poop and Cincinnati Pig
Poop, which are really chocolate-covered peanuts obtained by Loser
Duncan Stevens; /and,/ in a six-inch coffin-shaped box, “one deadly
tortilla chip,” flavored with fiery Carolina Reaper pepper. Loser Edward
Gordon actually spent $6 plus shipping to buy this single tortilla chip
on Amazon and send it to the Empress. She hopes he wins it back.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 18; results
published Jan. 7 (online Jan. 4). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Jon Gearhart wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group
on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Check it out at wapo.st/conv1257
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*APPAREL OF LAUGHS: THE FASHION FICTOIDS OF WEEK 1253 *
**In *Week 1253, *in The Washington Post’s
ongoing campaign to deliver lies to its readers, we asked for bogus
trivia about fashion and, more broadly, anything you wear.

4th place:

Naugahyde is /not/ made from the hide of naugas. It is from the linings
of their digestive tracts. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

3rd place:

The suit of armor was never intended to actually be worn, but was rather
designed to serve as spooky hallway decorations in haunted castles.
(Daniel Galef, Montclair, N.J.)

2nd place

/and the custom-knit “Style Ink” ski hat
:
/
The ceremonial sword that is part of the Air Force officer’s dress
uniform was modeled on the plastic one used to spear martini olives.
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

In a show of support for their tax reform bill, Republican congressmen
have been wearing *wool pullovers.* (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

Just sew-sew: Honorable mentions

Under pressure from feminist groups, American Apparel has rebranded its
*white tank top *as the “Spouse Discusser.” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Last year, the leading seller of edible gym socks went bankrupt. (Frank
Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

When working women asked for “honest pay” in the 1960s, male executives
made an anagrammatic compromise and gave them “pantyhose.” (Jesse
Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

“Muumuu” comes from the Hawaiian word for “Your Mama’s swimsuit.” (Jesse
Frankovich)

Leonard Velcro narrowly survived an assassination attempt by shoelace
hit men. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Since the debut of Facebook in 2004, the size of most thinking caps has
steadily decreased. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

In response to popular outcry, Paris fashion models are now required to
weigh at least four times as much as the outfits they wear on the
runway. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Before the invention of plastic, buttons were made from fruitcake. (Kyle
Hendrickson, Frederick, Md.)

The first tuxedo was worn by Adm. Richard Byrd, who commissioned the
design in 1928 after his voyage to Antarctica. (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)

“Haute couture” is French for “WTF.” (Jesse Frankovich)

If not kept at the proper humidity, snakeskin boots will continue to
molt every two years. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

In 1878 the King of Morocco mandated that a tassel be added to the fez
after foreign dignitaries asked him why all the men wore wastebaskets on
their heads. (David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

When Men’s Wearhouse bought Jos. A Bank in 2014, it got three other
businesses
at
no additional cost. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md., a First Offender)

Paper hospital gowns were introduced after patients complained that
fabric gowns were too warm, comfortable and modest. (Dudley Thompson,
Cary, N.C.)

The highest-quality faux fur comes from free-range fauxes raised without
hormones or antibiotics. (Drew Bennett)

Michael Jackson broke his left ankle while wearing just one sequined
shoe during a dance number, prompting him to choose another signature
look. (John Shea, Philadelphia)

Tinfoil hats will not protect you against alien brain control unless you
wear them with the shiny side facing outward. (Robert Schechter, Dix
Hills, N.Y.)

The sporran, the leather purse that men wear in front of their kilts,
doubled as crotch protection for Scottish warriors. That is why it’s
positioned in the center rather than the side —nobody wants to come out
of a fight “out of kilter.” (Bill Spencer, Cockeysville, Md.)

A ten-gallon hat actually holds only about 1.5 liters of crude oil.
(Daniel Galef)

The Gap paid model Lauren Hutton
a
licensing fee for inspiring the store’s name. (Karen Duffy, Geneseo,
N.Y., a First Offender)

According to a nationwide survey, 97.2 percent of veterans who don their
uniforms for Veterans Day pop at least half the buttons off. (Edward
Gordon, Austin)

Although many shoes have tongues, they actually taste with their laces.
(Steve McClemons, Arlington, Va.)

As a child, Christian Louboutin worked stomping grapes in his family’s
Bordeaux winery, causing the soles of his feet to be turned permanently
red
.
(Mark Raffman)

TWA’s all-first-class Concorde in the 1970s had Birkin barf bags. (Roy
Ashley)

Savile Row tailors confirm that Tory MPs always specify “dress right”
for bespoke
trousers. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

Spanx founder Sara Blakely began her career as a floor manager at a
Jimmy Dean sausage plant. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

The band of Roy Moore’s cowboy hat is specially constructed to emit the
aroma of strawberry ChapStick. (John Hutchins)

The first codpieces were actually made of flounder. (Rob Huffman,
Fredericksburg, Va.)

The jerkin was repopularized in the 21st century by Louis CK. (William
Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

Voted the scariest Halloween costume in 2017 was “Sexy Steve Bannon.”
(Jesse Frankovich)

The feather boa quickly became more popular than its predecessor, the
gizzard boa. (Jesse Frankovich)



Nancy Sinatra’s boots were
actually made for horseback riding. (Daniel Galef)

Hermès abruptly pulled its top-selling Isadora Duncan signature scarf
from the market in September 1927
. (Chris Doyle)

It is illegal to wear Wellington boots in Waterloo, Belgium. (Roy Ashley)

What was originally called the “foreskin sweater” began to sell much
better when it was renamed the turtleneck. (Drew Bennett)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 11: our caption contest for
Bob Staake cartoons. See wapo.st/invite1256 . *

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