Style Invitational Week 1256: Picture this — a caption contest

Plus: Har drugs — winning names for new ‘medications’

Plus: Har drugs — winning names for new ‘medications’

(By Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

November 30

Follow @PatMyersTWP //

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning new names for medications)

Regular members of the Loser Community, you know the drill. New readers,
meet the drill. Drill, meet the new readers. *This week: Provide a funny
caption for any of the cartoons above,* created as always by Our Own
(once a week, anyway) Bob Staake. It can be either a description or a
quote of the character(s) in the picture. You may submit up to a total
of 25 entries among the four pictures; begin /each/ entry “Picture A:”
(or whichever letter), followed by the entry /on the same line /as that
heading. (This will let the Empress sort the captions by picture, making
her /much/ more likely to be in a good mood when judging. You don’t want
her to be sulky when she’s reading your hilarious humor, do you?)

Submit entries at this website: **
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives abrand-new ball
cap and koozie,
or drink can
holder, promoting an industrial ceiling fan company called Big Ass Fans.
So you’ll have your New Year’s Eve party wear all ready to go. Donated
by Big Loser Dave Prevar.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 11; results
published Dec. 31 (online Dec. 28). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
“Har Drugs” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Jesse Frankovich;
Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at ; follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

A cap for a caption: The fan company's logo swag. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post)

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Check it out at .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

**In *Week 1252 *we asked you to name a new
medication or treatment and describe its use.

The vast majority of the
entries were wordplays on brand names of existing drugs; many of you
touted that new bladder treatment, Niagra.

4th place:

*Prozacne:* The good news is, you’ll be happier . . . (Rob Huffman,
Fredericksburg, Va.)

3rd place:

*Middle digitalis:* Generic stress reliever; branded version marketed as
Epineph-u. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

2nd place

and the Shells Playing Poker sculpture

*Melodramamine: *Relieves over-emotion sickness. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*Mar-a-Lax:* A tool softener. (William Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)

Pharma C’s: Honorable mentions

*Head and Armpits and Crotches shampoo:* Because who has hair on their
shoulders? (Larry Flynn, Greenbelt, Md.)

*OKpectate: *For just regular people. (Bruce Carlson, Alexandria, Va.)

*Kaopuketate:* For when it’s coming out of both ends. (Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)

*Meta-metamucil: *Alleviates constipation brought on by the fear of
constipation. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Nogaine: *Placebo for sports injuries. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

*Thotzenprerz: *A generic drug used to treat gunshot wounds. (Jeff
Siperly, Hyattsville, Md., a First Offender)

*Chillaxin:* Be cool. Be regular. (Frank Mann, Washington)

*Been-a-Drill:* Brings your heart rate down after a false alarm.
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*Pepto-Dismal:* It’s brown. (Danielle Nowlin)

*Celebrexit:* Say “cheerio!” to pain (note: side effects include
withdrawal). (Rivka Liss-Levinson, Washington)

*Diagra: *For when you want to go out with a bang. (Jon Gearhart, Des

*Dramaquine:* Provides deep sleep for even your most theatrical carpool
companion, so you’ll never again have to hear, “Fasten your seat belts —
it’s going to be a bumpy night!” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Escortisone: *Relieves certain forms of swelling. (Kevin Dopart)

*Flipitor:* How to relieve your congressional headache in 2018.
(Danielle Nowlin)

*Foxycodone: *It makes you more attractive, but only if your partner
takes it. (Contains alcohol.) (Frank Mann)

*Halls of Montezuma: *Cough drops that also treat traveler’s diarrhea.
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*Lambien:* Sleep aid for those too young to count sheep. (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*N.Y.quil: * Blocks out city noise, because “hey, I’m sleepin’ here!”
(Steve McClemons, Arlington, Va.)

*Tiagra: *What Dilbert takes to make his necktie do that. (Bill Dorner,

*Vitamin B4:* Treats the aftereffects of time travel. (Dudley Thompson)

*Blind Truss:* Puts control of the family jewels outside of one’s hands.
(Kevin Dopart)

*Cannabris: *Smoke this before you have to go to watch a circumcision
and then eat from a platter of cold cuts. (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

*Deep Ends: *Extra-large, extra-absorbent. (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

*Disrobetussin:* “Mr. Cosby, what did you say this medicine is called?”
(Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

*All-Leave:* Post-holiday pill to restore sanity. (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.; Roy Ashley, Washington)

*Allbutteroll:* For instant weight gain. (Rob Cohen, Potomac)

*Auntacid:* Helps neutralize effects of unsolicited family advice.
(Beverley Sharp)

*Etceterin: *For all the things your other meds don’t cure. (Rob Cohen;
Steve McClemons)

*Klepto-Bismol:* Something you just have to take. (David Friedman, Los

*Amigo Acid: *Taking a trip’s so much nicer with a friend. (Harold
Mantle, Walnut Creek, Calif.)

*Probionics:* Gives you abs of steel — really! (Beverley Sharp)

*Regina salve:* Don’t pass on this Hail Mary solution for hopeless
rashes. (Kevin Dopart)

*Zipperex:* Ointment in the fly. (Dudley Thompson)

*Warfarin:* For use if polling numbers do not recover by the final weeks
of reelection bid. (Bret Koplow, Bethesda, Md., a First Offender)

*Stylenol PM:* Extra-strength formula for slogging through thousands of
lame contest entries. — The Empress (Jesse Frankovich)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 4: our contest for new
terms that include the letter block S-A-N-T, in any order. See .*