Style Invitational Week 1249: Ask Backwards 36 — we answer, you question

Plus winning stupid complaints to The Post

The IQ test showdown -- or shoedown. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

October 12

Follow @PatMyersTWP //

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning rants at The Post and
other papers)

A. Melania’s left shoe.
Q. Whom in the White House — or what — has Trump /not/ challenged to an
IQ test?

A. Oops, that was a typo.
Q. Secretary Tillerson, did you really write “[redacted]” in the stall
of the White House men’s room?
A Slim Jim smoothie
Melania’s left shoe
A fidget spinner, an infinity scarf and Cher
280 characters
I don’t think they have that at Whole Foods
Oops, that was a typo
Wynken, Blynken and Stynken
Mike Pence’s favorite pastime
Fluffy or something
The comma before the storm
* *Fargo, North Dakota
* *Nose hair extensions
* *There’s still no app for THAT *

Yes, it’s the 36th time — at least — that The Style Invitational has run
this contest in its almost 25-year history, though the last time was 13
months ago.

*This week: Choose any of the 15 items above and follow it with a
question that it could humorously answer,* as in the examples above.
Submit entries at this website: **
(all lowercase).

This Loser-commissioned T-shirt printed in Maori and English is this
week's second prize.

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our new Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a unique
prize (except for one other, still in the possession of its creator):
*an enormous custom-made T-shirt* that says, in Maori, /“Kaua e uapare
mai. I tuku Poti ahau ki a Hillary!”/ As well as its English
translation, “Don’t blame me! I voted for . . . .” Donated by Loser Ed
Sobansky, who had it made before he and his wife visited New Zealand
earlier this year; “it helped me not to have to answer the constant
question from the Kiwis: ‘What’s up with this Trump fella, anyway?’ ”
(If you end up in second place but did not vote for Hillary, or just
don’t want the shirt, you may have a mug or bag instead.)

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 23; results
published Nov. 12 (online Nov. 9). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Check it out at .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

In *Week 1245* we invited you to complain
“in a humorously missing-the-point way” about something in The Post or
another publication.

Some of you made the mistake of pointing out actual
inaccuracies, like the “$81” that was supposed to be “$81,000,” or the
fact that The Car Pages is actually A Car Page, or that the Weekend
section has listings for the whole week. Or you noted valid irritants,
like ad stickers covering parts of the front page. We can’t stand those
either, so no ink for you.

4th place:

Once again, The Post’s TV critic thoughtlessly ruins the viewing
experience. I was eagerly awaiting the PBS documentary on the Vietnam
War until Hank Stuever blabbed, “It ended 30 years later in failure.”
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

3rd place:

I am appalled by the sexist photo you published that focused
lasciviously on men’s muscular buttocks. Of course, it was by a female
photographer — a man would never have taken a picture of NFL players
bent forward in a huddle. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

2nd place

and the Romney campaign magnets plus the “I Believe The Post” magnet

I have experienced your unbalanced coverage firsthand: Two of my
obnoxious neighbors — one had a dog that once pooped on my lawn; the
other never returned my pruning shears — died in the past year. And each
received a glowing obituary — yet not once was I contacted to provide my
side of the story. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

My well-intentioned but not-so-bright friend wrote some time ago to
alert you that some of the people pictured in your death notices did not
look dead. It’s silly, I know. But going forward, you can eliminate this
problem simply by superimposing X’s over their eyes. (David Garratt,
Silver City, N.M.)

Rants’ tomb: Honorable mentions

If The Post claims to care about the truth when it comes to science,
then tell me why the *Sept. 10 “Doonesbury”*
the crescent moon pointing the wrong way in the Northern Hemisphere!
Cancel my subscription immediately. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

I don’t understand why you have a category of advertisement called
*“Legal Notices.”* Is there also a page of “Illegal Notices” that I need
to look for? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Enough already with all the *fake news about President Trump!* Now for
the truth — please tell us how things have been going for President
Clinton all year! (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

Why have the media not applied more pressure to Treasury Secretary Steve
Mnuchin? It is patently wrong that *U.S. money* honors a president who
forcibly relocated nonwhite Americans into deplorable conditions. The
FDR dime must go! (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Yet again, The Washington Post has entirely ignored the state sales tax
battle in Olympia /and/ the trash pickup controversy on the Seattle
waterfront! *#LiveUpToTheName *(Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick, Md.)

The White House chief of staff does not own this town! So why does The
Post print on Page B3, five times a week, *“John Kelly’s Washington”?*
Besides, dude, get a new photo! (Mike Creveling, La Plata, Md.)

Tell your owner that we’re on to his subliminal shenanigans. The bottom
of the front page of Monday’s A-section directed us to an article on
Page 11 — *a prime number. As in Amazon Prime.* And what did I also find
on that page? An ad for a kitchen remodeling company. What do you put in
kitchens? That’s right, food. Which you can buy from, oh, perhaps . . .
Whole Foods? Coincidence? I think not. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

Hey, Gregg J. Fernandes, Washington Post vice president for customer
care and logistics: My daughter Olivia, who’s a big fan of KidsPost, was
sick today.*But when I called you to come watch her,* you didn’t show up
or even arrange for someone to do it! That’s not “care” and it’s not
even “logistics!” (Mark Raffman)

Judging by the putrid quality of your publication, I can only assume the
name “The Washington Post” was chosen as an*anagram of “That news
thing’s poo*” — not to mention an anagram of *“What pigs! Not Honest!” *
(Jesse Frankovich)

Why did you print*the crossword puzzle right below the Sept. 21
KidsPost?* Our 9-year-old figured out the clue “Big glitch” was for
“snafu,” then looked it up in the dictionary and learned a disgusting
word. Shame on you! (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Since it’s not very useful to dwell on whether you needed an
umbrella/yesterday,/ your paper sensibly focuses on what weather to
expect in the /future. /Yet in the same section, you print only
*yesterday’s lottery numbers!* Why the inconsistency? (Kevin Dopart)

Yet again the liberal elite Post shows an insulting failure to
understand us regular Americans. That op-ed headline*“Just when you
think Republicans can’t get more irresponsible . . . ”?* I assure you
that I have NEVER thought that Republicans couldn’t get more
irresponsible. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

I’m sick and tired of trying to decode those *secret messages *that The
Post prints in tiny type at the top of its pages, like “EZ RE K” at the
top of my Sept. 24 Weather page. Is that a subliminal advertisement for
a tow truck company? And who is “EZ SU?” I’d sure like to meet her!
(Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.) [We’ll leak this top-secret code in
this week’s Style Conversational column.]

Browsing the online classifieds today, I was appalled to discover a link
for The Post’s*“Place a death notice”* service. I can’t believe the
paper would take money to publish mortal threats! Can’t people make do
with a “Place a stern warning” service instead? (Frank Osen)

I am both appalled and terrified that *The Post published my Social
Security number* in its Sunday print edition. Sure, you broke up the
digits and placed them randomly throughout the page numbers. But it took
me less than a minute to hunt down all nine — and surely a sophisticated
hacker could do it even faster. (Hildy Zampella)

Must your *lingerie advertisements *be so graphic? I don’t mind having to
take cold showers in the summer, but chilly weather is approaching. — M.
Pence, Washington (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

So according to your ad, The Post is giving a $5 discount off Taste of
DC —*“the largest culinary festival in the mid Atlantic.”* Like that’s
going to help much toward paying for a cruise to the middle of the
ocean. (Dave Prevar)

The Post wrote on and on about*the Redskins’ game-winning touchdown
*against the Rams — but /not one word/ my grandson’s near touchdown
reception in Saturday’s flag football game at the community center. Even
though the quarterback made a terrible pass, Tyler made a valiant effort
to catch it, and the defensive back was all over him. Did the refs call
interference? No! Were they paid off? This clearly calls for a media
investigation. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

The Washington Post has a *“Vice President for Audience Development &
Insights”?* Perhaps that VP is not yet aware of my many insightful Style
Invitational entries that have gone unrecognized by the Empress! And I
must note that my mom said that if she doesn’t see my name in the
results soon, she’s going to cancel her subscription.** (Ivars Kuskevics)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 16: our contest for
Colbert-style “midnight confessions.” See