Style Invitational Week 1245: Call us reprehensible ...

Rant about The Post! (Or another paper.) Plus winning ways to fill
in a partial crossword.

“We’re in a war on terrorism and you print a convenient map of the
Washington area ... Why not just put up a “Welcome Terrorists!” sign?”
Time for more idiotic rants. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

September 14

Follow @PatMyersTWP //

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning words and clues for a
partially finished crossword)

*We’re in a war on terrorism and you print a convenient map of the
Washington area right there on Page A14. Why not just put up a “Welcome
Terrorists!” sign?* (Dave Zarrow, 2003)

*The typeface of your front-page masthead is horribly incomprehensible.
It looks like “CtheWa8hingtonPo8t.” You should consider Comic Sans,
which is a very readable font. *(Drew Knoblauch, 2011)

*Does The Post so hate America that you wish to deliver our national
secrets into the hands of our enemies? I refer of course to The Post’s
publication of page after page of “Classified” information, blatantly
labeled as such in type so large that even the most dimwitted spy can
hardly fail to miss it! * (J.J. Gertler, 1998, back in the
pre-Craigslist days)

It happens surprisingly seldom — once every few /years,/ on average —
but occasionally someone writes a letter to the editor complaining about
this column. A week ago a reader wrote in
protest one of Chris Doyle’s examples for the Week 1242 “then/now” joke
contest : “Then: ‘The Kids Are Alright.’ Now:
The kids are alt-right,” charging that “changing the name of the Who’s
well-known song . . . is reprehensible.”

If your entry is too good to earn an honorable-mention Loser Magnet, you
could end up with these.

*This week: Complain in a humorously missing-the-point way about
something that has appeared in The Washington Post (in print or online)
recently, or in another publication, *as in the examples above from
earlier contests we’ve done along this line. If you’re citing a
particular article, misreading a headline, etc., please give the Empress
enough information (date, page number or online link) that she can see
what you’re getting at.

Submit entries at this website: **
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we officially announce the new
design that we’ve been giving to recidivist winners. Second place
receives a stack of oval Mitt Romney 2012 “Believe in America” campaign
magnets, donated by Loser Dan Helming, as well as a bonus “I Believe The
Washington Post” magnet, issued by the Washington/Baltimore News Guild
(the E has one of these on her car; let’s hope the Guild doesn’t find
out about the Invite’s bogus-trivia contests).

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 25; results
published Oct. 15 (online Oct. 12). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Duncan Stevens; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

(Grid by Evan Birnholz/
In *Week 1241 * we presented a crossword
grid by Washington Post constructor Evan Birnholz in which Evan had
rubbed out one or more letters from every word in the puzzle. Then we
asked you to fill in any of the Across or Down words as you liked
(regardless of crossing words) and write a clue for it. (The entries
below show the words that originally appeared in the grid.)

4th place:

*38 Down* (AREA CODE; _RE_CO__) *A RED CONE:* All of the highway repairs
funded in the Department of Transportation 2018 budget (Duncan Stevens,
Vienna, Va.)

3rd place:

*59 Across* (NOISEMAKER; _OIS__A_E_): *LOIS IS A TEN:* Graffiti found in
a phone booth outside the Daily Planet (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

2nd place and the solar-powered hand-waving baby Buddha:

*36 Down* (ORC; O__) *OXY: *Clever moron (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge,

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*42 Across* (ROCOCO; R__OC_): *RELOCO: *A job transfer to D.C. (Barry
Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Drosswords: honorable mentions

*2D* (NATE) *GATE:* How to end a scandal (Jesse Frankovich)

*3D* (ARSE)*IQUE:* Not one-of-a-kind (Jesse Frankovich)

*4D* (CLUNG)*CLUDE:* Verb with two meanings: “Let’s try this again,
Jared. On this form you must clude everyone you’ve cluded with.” (Frank

*11D* (SWELL) *SPELT:* Grain that makes the best alphabet-soup pasta
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*12D* (LADIES ROOM) *LIDS FOR MOB: *The MAGA hat concession at the rally
(Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)

*13D* (INNER PEACE) *UNDERPENCE:* Largely ineffective garment intended
to prevent leaks. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

*15A* (PARLIAMENT) *GARLIC MINT:* Candy on the pillow at the Hotel
Transylvania (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*17A* (IT’S UP TO YOU) *“I TRUST PYON . . .”:* Naive last words before
one is nuked by North Korea (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

*19A* (TEEN)*THEM:* Who the bad guys are (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)

*20A *(BEER)*BERN: *Soreness felt after elective procedure in 2016
(Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)

*24A *(MAILER) *MAIDES:* Presidential staffers who have to clean up
after the daily messes (John O’Byrne, Dublin)

. . . or *MAI HAI: *Cocktail made with rum, fruit juice and cannabis
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

*26D:* (HANOI) *HANOI:* A place Vietnam vets aren’t fonda. (Jon
Gearhart, Des Moines)

*28D* (COME ON DOWN) *MAMMOFROWN:* Facial contortion occurring during
yearly smash-o-gram (Lynne Ann Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)

. . . or *DUMP ON LAWN:* Command my neighbor must be giving his dog in
front of my house. (Ed Scarbrough, Germantown, Md.)

. .  or *COME ON DOWN:* Satanic invitation (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery,

. . .or *TAMPON TOWN:* Kotexarkana (Chris Doyle)

.*29A* (ORATORS) *PRAYOFF:* A Lent Madness event. (Kevin Dopart,

*31A* (SPA) *EPD:* The newly conceived Environmental Protection and
Destruction Agency (Dan Helming, Maplewood, N.J.)

*33A *(AROUND) *A HOUND:* “I Get ___,” rejected track from the Beach
Boys album “Pet Sounds” (Duncan Stevens)

*35A *(AUTHORED)*BUTT OR ID:* Either of two ways to get into a nightclub
(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

*37A* (NO MSG) *VOMIT:* It comes up when you’re feeling down (Beverley

... or *VOMET: * Object that hurls across outer space. (William Kennard,
Arlington, Va.)

*38D *(AREA CODE) *PREZCON 1:* The alert level for CNN and Mitch
McConnell (Tom Panther, Sparks, Va.)

*39A* (BROAD) *BILED:* how alt-righters prefer their breakfast eggs
(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

*40A* (ONE SHARE) *ONE SHARK: *Lowest rating for lawyers (Steve Glomb,

. . . or *ONE SHARK:* For the Fonz, the difference between fame and
infamy (Ivars Kuskevics)

. . . or *ONE STARK:* Final population of Westeros (Noam Izenberg,
Columbia, Md.)

*42A* (ROCOCO) *REJOCK,* to reach age 40 and try to relive high school
glory. Followed closely by REHAB (Lynne Ann Larkin)

*44A *(OVERSAW) *OVENSAP:* that stuff that boils over the dish while
baking (Tom Panther)

*49A* (OILS)*KILT:* What little Davy Crockett did to that bar (Allan
Zackowitz, Brookeville, Md., a First Offender)

*50D *(SHALE) *AA ALE:* Not-even-close beer (Kevin Dopart)

*60D* (MAH, as in mah-jongg) *RAH:* Response to “Okay, EPA employees,
let’s hear it for Mr. Pruitt!” (Duncan Stevens)

*64A *(GETS THE NOD) *GILD THE LID:* White House bathroom remodeling
order (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

. . . or *GETS THE NOD: *Is hired at the bobblehead factory (John Hutchins)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Sept. 18: our contest for
creative product reviews. See
. *