Style Invitational Week 1243: We bid you, No T-R-U-M-P

Coin a new word (or redefine an old one) that has none of those
letters; plus top movie mash-ups

Vaseball: A neologism that got ink back in Week 278 and conveniently
lacks a T, R, U, M and P. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

August 31

Follow @PatMyersTWP //

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning movie mash-ups)

*Bananab: A fruit that can be peeled from either end. *(Brendan Beary,
Week 602)

*Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.*
(Russell Beland, Week 278)

*Ikebanal: A flower arrangement in a smiley-face motif. *(Howard
Walderman, Week 781)

*Willy-nilly: Impotent. *(Beth Benson, Week 266)

For the meatiest news bites, a set of molar-shaped magnets — this week’s
second prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )

The Style Invitational has been Your Reliable Source for Zinging the
Commander in Chief since it was a li’l baby contest in 1993 (e.g., Week
21 first runner-up, by Paul Sabourin: “Bill Clinton has gained so much
weight that I-495 has been renamed the Sansabeltway”).

But in the past couple of years, the pool of Invite entries has been
overrun with jokes — often bitterly screedy ones — about candidate,
president-elect and finally President Ahem.

Inveterate Loser Mark Raffman suggests this momentary relief for *this
week’s contest: Coin a new term, or choose an existing one, whose
letters do not include a T, R, U, M or P, and write a humorous
definition, *as in the examples above that got ink in various old Invite
contests. *Also, you cannot use “Trump” or “president” in your
definition. *(Does that mean you can’t /hint/ at the subject? It does
not.) Mark wins the contest-suggestion prize for local Losers: The
Empress will take him out for an ice cream cone.

Submit entries at this website: **
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we officially announce the new
design that we’ve been giving to recidivist winners. Second place
receives a *set of six magnets in the shape of human teeth. *If you’re
so hungry you feel like eating the whole refrigerator, then put these on
the door — although that would be dumber than dumb, because the teeth
face the wrong direction. Donated by Not a Loser Maureen Yacobucci.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 11; results
published Oct. 1 (online Sept. 28). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results and the honorable-mentions subhead are both by
Dave Prevar. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/ ./ “Like” Style Invitational
Ink of the Day on Facebook at ;
follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of
results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

**In Week 1239 we asked you to combine the
titles of two movies and describe the resulting mash-up:

4th place:

*Eight Men Out of Africa. *U.S. immigration officials set new entry
quotas for 2018. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

3rd place:

*10 Things I Hate About What You Did Last Summer:* Hillary tells it all
(Part 1). (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

2nd place

and the ball cap with pig snout::

*Dirty Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:* So that’s why they call
her Moaning Myrtle. (James Kruger, Rockville, Md.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*A Few Good X-Men: *Despite the president’s wishes, the military pushes
to recruit more transgender troops. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

So So Land: Honorable mentions

*Dr. Strangelove Story: *Nuclear war means never having to say you’re
sorry. (Arthur Adams, Laurel, Md.)

*Bob & Carol & Ted & Harold and Maude: *An eccentric old woman is
determined to go out with a bang — or several. (Brendan Beary, Great
Mills, Md.)

*Fried Soylent Green Tomatoes: *“So they’re pee-pul! Heck, they’re some
good eatin’.” (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Down Below: *Hogwarts students seek
treatment after using their wands without protection. (Ben Aronin,

*How Green Was My Valley of the Dolls:* Three aspiring actresses start a
business selling organic, locally sourced, all-natural, Energy
Star-certified amphetamines. (Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.)

*In the Heat of 101 Dalmatians: *“Ruh-roh!” thinks Scooby. (Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Sex, Lies and Videotape: Roger and Me: *Vignettes from the women of
Fox. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Stand and Deliverance: *No student at this all-boys school in Georgia
dares to come to class unprepared. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Table for Five Easy Pieces: *Tempers flare as newlyweds struggle to
assemble their Ikea dinette set. (Elliott Shevin)

*The Great Escape From New York: *Lured by affordable housing and better
schools, a British unit of POWs moves to New Jersey. (Danny Wysong,
Crozet, Va.)

*The President’s Plane is Missing All the President’s Men:* Despite Gen.
Kelly’s best efforts, his boss keeps flying solo. (Gary Crockett)

*Twelve Angry White Men Can’t Jump: *The “Hoosiers” kids celebrate their
50-year high school reunion. (Brendan Beary)

*Twelve Angry Men and a Baby: *The passengers in Rows 1-3 wish the
family in Row 4 had chosen a different flight. (Gary Crockett)

*2012 Angry Men: *If you thought it took a long time for Juror 3 to come
around, wait until you meet Jurors 984 and 1762. (James Kruger)

*A River Runs Through Larry the Cable Guy:* Ninety minutes of poop
jokes, much like every other video with Larry. (Jon Gearhart)

*All the President’s Men in Black: *A White House strike force hunts
down aliens. (Documentary.) (Frank Mann, Washington)

*Adventures in Babysitting the American President: *There’s never a dull
moment as White House aides desperately try to get POTUS to put down his
phone and go to bed at a reasonable hour. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Batman of La Mancha: *Bruce Wayne goes mad after seeing his parents
killed by a windmill. (Arthur Adams)

*Black Swan Down:* Special forces in camouflage leotards battle to save
a ballerina trapped by her tutu in a piece of scenery. (Mary Kappus,

*Crouching Tiger, Hidden Figures: *Three mathematicians defeat Qing
Dynasty warriors by flying perfectly calculated trajectories. (Kevin Dopart)

*Groundhog Day of the Dead: *Stuck in a time loop, weatherman Bill
Murray must help the town of Punxsutawney fend off an invasion of killer
zombie marmots while simultaneously discovering humility and finding
true love. (David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

*I Am Curious Yeller: *An ill-fated dog seeks a night of excitement
before the inevitable end. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

*Idiocracy Coming to America:* This movie was withdrawn after becoming
outdated before its release date. (Dottie Gray, Alexandria)

*Kill Bill: Blue Velvet: *The story behind Hillary’s discovery of the
infamous dress. (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)

*King Arthur 2: On the Rocks:* A disheveled British monarch drunkenly
puts his sword back into the stone. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*Kong of the South:* Uncle Remus is back, with a cautionary tale about
Br’er Ape. (Randy Lee, Burke, Va.)

*The French Connection: Some Like It Hot:* A failed Paris summit results
in the world rapidly overheating. (Mike Burch, Nashville)

*The Godfather of the Bride: *He got them a gift that wasn’t on the
registry, yet they couldn’t refuse. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

*The Hurt Locker Room With a View: *Three teenage boys peep on the
women’s rugby team, but all they can see are bandages. (Jeff Hazle, San

*The Incredible Shrinking Manhattan: *Woody Allen exposes deceptive bar
practices in the Big Apple. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*The Kids Are All Right, Good, Bad and Ugly:* Parents of four get
serious shade when they send out a concise (if honest) holiday letter.
(Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

*The Lion King and I:* Featuring that showstopping opening number,
“Gristle I’m Happy Chewin’.” (Harold Mantle, Walnut Creek, Calif.)

*The Onion Field of Dreams:* Hey, there IS crying in baseball! (Chris Doyle)

*The Shaggy Dogma:* A documentary on the Rastafarian movement. (Tom Witte)

*The Toy Story of O: *A very animated feature, with special appearances
by Woody and Buzz Right-Here. (Arthur Adams; Tom Witte)

*West Side Toy Story:* Mr. Potato Head’s rendition of “Three Hands, One
Heart” wins the Oscar for Best Song. (John Hutchins)

*Up Her:* Katie Couric’s colonoscopy becomes a full-length movie! (Jeff
Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Sept. 4: Our then-and-now
contest. See *