Style Invitational Week 1242: Generation Yux — give us a then/now joke


Last time we did this contest, it was about aging boomers. Now it’s
millennials. And aging boomers.



Then: Men getting hair plugs. Now: Men getting hair plucked. (Bob Staake
for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

Entertainment
August 24

Follow @PatMyersTWP //

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning D-E-F phrases)

*Then: Men getting hair plugs.*
*Now: Men getting hair plucked.*

*Then: Baked Alaska.*
*Now: Baked in Alaska.*

** *Then: “The Kids Are Alright.”*
*Now: The kids are alt-right.*

Yeah, we’ve been around awhile.

Pair your pizza and pinot right across your shirt — heck, it's going to
end up there anyway. This week’s second-prize package. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post )

In Week 303,

in 1999, the Empress’s predecessor, the Czar, ran a contest called “Boom
Times,” asking readers to “come up with old and new concerns for the
baby boom generation.” The results were classic; the winner, by Elden
Carnahan: “Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip
joint.” (See the rest in this week’s Style Conversational column at
wapo.st/conv1242 .)

Eighteen years later, there’s a new generation reading the Invite, but
lots of the original models are still around — including, like Elden,
some of the entrants who got ink in Week 303. Which prompted Biggest
Loser Ever Chris Doyle to suggest a multigenerational update. *This
week: Give us a “then/now” joke* like Chris’s examples above — about (a)
getting older or (b) comparing a past generation with the current one,
no matter whether you, personally, are a “then” or a “now.”

Submit entries at this website: *wapo.st/enter-invite-1242*
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
,*
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we officially announce the new
design that we’ve been giving to recidivist winners. Second place
receives a fabulous *Total Nerd Party Two-Pack:* a holster from which
you suspend your wineglass in front of your belly, thus allowing you to
dribble your spanakopita crumbs straight into the merlot; and, courtesy
of Loser Edward Gordon, a Pizza Pouch, for all those times you need to
carry one small slice of pizza across your torso. (Our tip: Don’t get
extra cheese.) The holster is dead serious; the pouch, sold by an outfit
called Stupidiotic, a tad less so.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 4; results
published Sept. 24 (online Sept. 21). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*DEFinitions: Report from Week 1238
*In Week 1238 we continued three-letter
abbreviating through the alphabet with some DEF, FED, EDF, etc.,
phrases.

Some of the inking entries below are a bit of a stretch, but
the Empress put on her YJPs — her Yoga Judging Pants — and flexed a
little. Not surprisingly, many of the entries contained various forms of
the f-word. They canceled one another out.

4th place:

*EDF: Electoral District Freshening:* Oh, “gerrymandering” sounds so
unsavory. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

3rd place:

*EDF: Elf Defies Fate:* Jeff Sessions’s tagline on memos as he keeps his
job for one more week. (As of press time.) (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

2nd place

and the pink rubber octopus fingers
:
*DEF: “Don’t Even” Face: *“I was just about to float the idea of having
the guys over for poker night, but I got the DEF.” (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*FED: Flagrantly Elementary Deduction:* Printable euphemism for “No
@#$#, Sherlock.” (Peter Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.)

Lo-DEF: Honorable mentions

*Defenders of Flat Earth: *“Our members are fighting for truth around
the globe.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Domestic Fish Eggs:* Low-rent caviar — a.k.a. “skid roe.” (Chris Doyle,
Denton, Tex.)

*Deflate Foxboro Egos:* Message preprinted at the top of Roger Goodell’s
daily planner since January 2015. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

*Dry-Fried Epidermis.* Somehow “chicharrones” just sounds better. (Mark
Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Duh-Face Emoji: *A snarky response to Mom’s painfully obvious text
messages. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*Duplicity For Everyone: *You can fool all of the people some of the
time, so let’s go ahead and do that. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Extraterrestrial Defense Fund: *Established in Roswell, N.M., to assist
illegal aliens. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Electronic Deposit Fairy:* She puts the tooth money right into the
kids’ bank accounts. (Julia Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Escalators Down Forever: *Revised, pragmatic Metro repair schedule.
(David Friedman, Santa Clara, Calif., an ex-Arlingtonian)

*Expressive Digit Fluency: *Sign-language requirement for cabbies. (Jon
Gearhart)

*“Emailing For Dollars”: *The most popular game show in Nigeria. (Jesse
Frankovich)

*Elaborate Fling Denial:* “I can overexplain everything!” (Tom Witte)

*Ever-Fluid Disclosure:* “Meeting? What meeting? There was no . . . Oh,
yeah . . . there was a meeting – but no one important was there. Except
a Russian or two. All we talked about was adoption. Emails? Specifying
‘oppo research’ on Hillary? There were no — Oh, right . . . there were
some emails. But no one we know was included. Except . . . maybe Don Jr.
And Kushner. And Manafort . . .” (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

*Ego-Feeding Department: *One federal agency that’d be sure to be fully
funded. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Ex Facie Donaldus* (“From the face of Donald”): Bracketed term used to
indicate that the previous statement is an obvious lie. (John McCooey,
Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

*Ex Flagrante Delicto: *Caught cheating on your spouse, with your former
spouse. (Mark Raffman)

*EFD: *“What do you mean I’m a /B-/FD? I’m ENORMOUS.” (Ivars Kuskevics,
Takoma Park, Md.)

*Freeze-Dried Escargot: *What French astronauts eat. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Fairy Dust Economics.* How to cut taxes and still reduce the budget
deficit by 2020. (Mark Raffman)

*Fatal Dating Error:* “So, I’ve asked my mother to join us for dinner.”
(Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

*Flog Deceased Equine:* “ ‘Here’s our 873rd piece on Benghazi,’ Fox
announced in yet another FDE.” (Duncan Stevens)

*Franklin Delano Eisenhower: *“Probably the third-greatest president
after Abe and me.” — D.J.T. (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)

*Foreign Dignitaries’ Entrance: *The back door of the White House. (Josh
Feldblyum, Philadelphia)

*Females for Erectile Dysfunction:* Women of a certain age who, quite
frankly, have had enough already. (Nan Reiner)

*Front End Deficiency: *Marketing-agency term for a breast that does not
meet Hollywood standards. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

*Firing Every Day:* “Mr. President, what will be your main focus for the
remainder of your term?” “I’m gonna keep going with the FED.” (Stephen
Gold, London)

*Flat-Earth Day:* The unit of time it takes the world to flip over
twice. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Danger! Flailing Elephants!: *Warning sign posted outside the Capitol.
(Julia Shawhan)

*Executive Daily Flattery: * That folder

presented to the president twice a day with only positive articles about
him. (Lynne Ann Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)

*Emergency Fruitcake Delivery:* A post-Christmas service provided by
regifting centers. (Chris Doyle)



*Funky Diaper Examination: *A close encounter of the turd kind. (Chris
Doyle)

*Facebook Etiquette Directive:* Don’t feed the trolls! (Chris Doyle)

*Fidelity Enthusiasm Depletion: *Malaise that commonly affects marriages
after several years (or three months for those involving professional
entertainers, athletes or Kardashians). (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

/And Last:/ *Failed-Entry Dumpster: *The Empress’s trash can. “Welp,
another whole page for the FED.” (Chris Doyle)

*Still running — deadline Monday, Aug. 28: Our contest to fill in a
partial crossword. See wapo.st/invite1241 .*