Style Invitational Week 1242: Generation Yux — give us a then/now joke

Last time we did this contest, it was about aging boomers. Now it’s
millennials. And aging boomers.

Then: Men getting hair plugs. Now: Men getting hair plucked. (Bob Staake
for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

August 24

Follow @PatMyersTWP //

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning D-E-F phrases)

*Then: Men getting hair plugs.*
*Now: Men getting hair plucked.*

*Then: Baked Alaska.*
*Now: Baked in Alaska.*

** *Then: “The Kids Are Alright.”*
*Now: The kids are alt-right.*

Yeah, we’ve been around awhile.

Pair your pizza and pinot right across your shirt — heck, it's going to
end up there anyway. This week’s second-prize package. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post )

In Week 303,

in 1999, the Empress’s predecessor, the Czar, ran a contest called “Boom
Times,” asking readers to “come up with old and new concerns for the
baby boom generation.” The results were classic; the winner, by Elden
Carnahan: “Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint. Now: Getting a new hip
joint.” (See the rest in this week’s Style Conversational column at .)

Eighteen years later, there’s a new generation reading the Invite, but
lots of the original models are still around — including, like Elden,
some of the entrants who got ink in Week 303. Which prompted Biggest
Loser Ever Chris Doyle to suggest a multigenerational update. *This
week: Give us a “then/now” joke* like Chris’s examples above — about (a)
getting older or (b) comparing a past generation with the current one,
no matter whether you, personally, are a “then” or a “now.”

Submit entries at this website: **
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we officially announce the new
design that we’ve been giving to recidivist winners. Second place
receives a fabulous *Total Nerd Party Two-Pack:* a holster from which
you suspend your wineglass in front of your belly, thus allowing you to
dribble your spanakopita crumbs straight into the merlot; and, courtesy
of Loser Edward Gordon, a Pizza Pouch, for all those times you need to
carry one small slice of pizza across your torso. (Our tip: Don’t get
extra cheese.) The holster is dead serious; the pouch, sold by an outfit
called Stupidiotic, a tad less so.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 4; results
published Sept. 24 (online Sept. 21). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at / ./ “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*DEFinitions: Report from Week 1238
*In Week 1238 we continued three-letter
abbreviating through the alphabet with some DEF, FED, EDF, etc.,

Some of the inking entries below are a bit of a stretch, but
the Empress put on her YJPs — her Yoga Judging Pants — and flexed a
little. Not surprisingly, many of the entries contained various forms of
the f-word. They canceled one another out.

4th place:

*EDF: Electoral District Freshening:* Oh, “gerrymandering” sounds so
unsavory. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

3rd place:

*EDF: Elf Defies Fate:* Jeff Sessions’s tagline on memos as he keeps his
job for one more week. (As of press time.) (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

2nd place

and the pink rubber octopus fingers
*DEF: “Don’t Even” Face: *“I was just about to float the idea of having
the guys over for poker night, but I got the DEF.” (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*FED: Flagrantly Elementary Deduction:* Printable euphemism for “No
@#$#, Sherlock.” (Peter Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.)

Lo-DEF: Honorable mentions

*Defenders of Flat Earth: *“Our members are fighting for truth around
the globe.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Domestic Fish Eggs:* Low-rent caviar — a.k.a. “skid roe.” (Chris Doyle,
Denton, Tex.)

*Deflate Foxboro Egos:* Message preprinted at the top of Roger Goodell’s
daily planner since January 2015. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

*Dry-Fried Epidermis.* Somehow “chicharrones” just sounds better. (Mark
Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Duh-Face Emoji: *A snarky response to Mom’s painfully obvious text
messages. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

*Duplicity For Everyone: *You can fool all of the people some of the
time, so let’s go ahead and do that. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Extraterrestrial Defense Fund: *Established in Roswell, N.M., to assist
illegal aliens. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Electronic Deposit Fairy:* She puts the tooth money right into the
kids’ bank accounts. (Julia Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Escalators Down Forever: *Revised, pragmatic Metro repair schedule.
(David Friedman, Santa Clara, Calif., an ex-Arlingtonian)

*Expressive Digit Fluency: *Sign-language requirement for cabbies. (Jon

*“Emailing For Dollars”: *The most popular game show in Nigeria. (Jesse

*Elaborate Fling Denial:* “I can overexplain everything!” (Tom Witte)

*Ever-Fluid Disclosure:* “Meeting? What meeting? There was no . . . Oh,
yeah . . . there was a meeting – but no one important was there. Except
a Russian or two. All we talked about was adoption. Emails? Specifying
‘oppo research’ on Hillary? There were no — Oh, right . . . there were
some emails. But no one we know was included. Except . . . maybe Don Jr.
And Kushner. And Manafort . . .” (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

*Ego-Feeding Department: *One federal agency that’d be sure to be fully
funded. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*Ex Facie Donaldus* (“From the face of Donald”): Bracketed term used to
indicate that the previous statement is an obvious lie. (John McCooey,
Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

*Ex Flagrante Delicto: *Caught cheating on your spouse, with your former
spouse. (Mark Raffman)

*EFD: *“What do you mean I’m a /B-/FD? I’m ENORMOUS.” (Ivars Kuskevics,
Takoma Park, Md.)

*Freeze-Dried Escargot: *What French astronauts eat. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Fairy Dust Economics.* How to cut taxes and still reduce the budget
deficit by 2020. (Mark Raffman)

*Fatal Dating Error:* “So, I’ve asked my mother to join us for dinner.”
(Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

*Flog Deceased Equine:* “ ‘Here’s our 873rd piece on Benghazi,’ Fox
announced in yet another FDE.” (Duncan Stevens)

*Franklin Delano Eisenhower: *“Probably the third-greatest president
after Abe and me.” — D.J.T. (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)

*Foreign Dignitaries’ Entrance: *The back door of the White House. (Josh
Feldblyum, Philadelphia)

*Females for Erectile Dysfunction:* Women of a certain age who, quite
frankly, have had enough already. (Nan Reiner)

*Front End Deficiency: *Marketing-agency term for a breast that does not
meet Hollywood standards. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

*Firing Every Day:* “Mr. President, what will be your main focus for the
remainder of your term?” “I’m gonna keep going with the FED.” (Stephen
Gold, London)

*Flat-Earth Day:* The unit of time it takes the world to flip over
twice. (Jesse Frankovich)

*Danger! Flailing Elephants!: *Warning sign posted outside the Capitol.
(Julia Shawhan)

*Executive Daily Flattery: * That folder

presented to the president twice a day with only positive articles about
him. (Lynne Ann Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)

*Emergency Fruitcake Delivery:* A post-Christmas service provided by
regifting centers. (Chris Doyle)

*Funky Diaper Examination: *A close encounter of the turd kind. (Chris

*Facebook Etiquette Directive:* Don’t feed the trolls! (Chris Doyle)

*Fidelity Enthusiasm Depletion: *Malaise that commonly affects marriages
after several years (or three months for those involving professional
entertainers, athletes or Kardashians). (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

/And Last:/ *Failed-Entry Dumpster: *The Empress’s trash can. “Welp,
another whole page for the FED.” (Chris Doyle)

*Still running — deadline Monday, Aug. 28: Our contest to fill in a
partial crossword. See .*