Style Invitational Week 1240: We GIVE you Limerixicon XIV

Send us a limerick featuring a word beginning with gh- or gi-; plus
winning alliterative headlines (early!)

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

August 10


(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning alliterative headlines
from Week 1237)

Most election reformers believe
Contributions are bad. (How naive!)
But my Bible instructs
What to do with my bucks:
Says it’s better to *give,* /then/ receive.

Well, hickory dickory dock — or, we should say, gickory gickory gock:
It’s time once again for the Limerixicon, our 14th annual check-in
with , the project by Chris J. Strolin
and his merry team to compile a dictionary of limericks featuring every
word in the English language. OEDILF projects a completion date of Sept.
25, 2076 (exactly what it was last August), and more than 99,000
limericks have been submitted to the website — which means that with
this week’s contest, the Loser Community could very well turn over
Chris’s limerodometer. Last August the Oedilfers asked us for ge- words;
the year before that, we did the ga-. *This week: Supply a humorous,
previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English
word, name or term beginning with “gh-” or “gi-,” *as in the example
above by Chris Doyle that got ink in the bd-to-bi- contest in 2005.
See * *for our
fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter (in a nutshell:
“perfect” rhyme, and a strong “hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm in Lines 1,
2 and 5; a “dickory-dock” in Lines 3 and 4; plus “weak” syllables on
either side). See about submitting limericks there after this
contest is over.

Submit entries at this website:**
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design.
Second place receives — brought back from Italy by Loser Elden Carnahan
— a T-shirt listing 66 /parolacce,/ or extremely crude Italian terms,
complete with English (or in some cases, broken-English)
translations. Note: If you have the /slightest/ amount of decency, the
Empress will happily substitute a more decorous prize.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 21; results
published Sept. 10 (online Sept. 7). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Nan Reiner; the honorable-mentions subhead
is by William Kennard. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

We’re bringing you the results of *Week 1237* a week early — does the
Empress have it together or what! Actually the answer would be (b),
“what”: In a stunning achievement not equaled in Invite history except
perhaps When the Czar Totally Skipped Week 64, the E spent the week
judging 1237, not realizing until too late that it was Week 1236’s turn.
So the bogus-portmanteau words will be here next week.

In Week 1237 we asked you to rewrite a
headline from July 21-31 using alliteration, with most of the words
beginning with the same letter or letter-sound (e.g., C and K).

period turned out to be one heck of a news week — encompassing the
entire career of Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications
Director in Waiting.

The inking headlines below are accompanied by either the original
headline or a paraphrase.

4th place

/Original: /North Korea tests ballistic missile that experts say could
hit California
*Mini-Me meshuggenah’s mighty mega-missile might make Malibu*
(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

3rd place

Kelly steps in to impose order for president
*Hardy Homeland headliner hastily hired to hamstring Head Honcho’s
harebrained histrionics in hotbed of haphazard, hostile happenings;
holds high hopes for harmony in hobbled headquarters*
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)

2nd place

and the leggings with a human-muscles pattern

CEO pay 271 times that of a typical U.S. worker
*Exploited exclaim, ‘[Expletive] executives expect [expletive]
extraordinary [expletive] excess!’*
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Random recipients rejoice reallocated riches’ release*
/Original:/ “Lotteries”
(Jeff Contompasis)

Seconds. So sad: honorable mentions

Abrupt chain reaction for Trump
*Spin shop staff shake-up: Spicer splits, Sanders supplants Sean;
sycophant schmoozer Scaramucci slithers in; sources cite satanic
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Trump ousts Priebus as chief of staff*
POTUS punts previously precious Priebus Pluto-ward, points to puny,
pathetic production*
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Scaramucci unloads on Priebus in vulgar tirade
*Volatile vermin vehemently voices vulgar, vindictive, violent, vile,
vituperative vortex of vomit *
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) *
Missed manners: Mooch’s manure-mouth makes mockery of managed media
messaging *
(Kevin Dopart)

Scaramucci out as White House communications director
*Foulmouthed financier fails to finish first fortnight*
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)*
Marine makes Mooch march; motormouth multimillionaire media manager muted
* (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

Sessions plans to stay, despite Trump’s remark *
Land’s leading lawyer (lackey), lovelorn and lacking leverage, leery of
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Nationals trade for Twins closer Brandon Kintzler to help steady nagging
late-game situations
*Beltway ballclub bolsters beleaguered bullpen because bunch of bums
blows ballgames beyond belief*
(Jesse Frankovich)

These college students lost access to legal pot — and started getting
better grades
*Could kibosh on crimeless cannabis cause climb in college kids’
cognitive caliber? ’Course, clowns!*
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Rick Perry thought he was talking to a world leader about pig manure. It
was a prank call.
*Putative politico pranks Perry with palaver pertaining to pig pies.
Piffle? Persiflage? P’Ooops . . . ?
* Nan Reiner)

Kushner details more than 70 assets that he failed to disclose
*Derelict in duty? Da Donald’s darling daughter’s dearie didn’t disclose
dozens and dozens of denominations, deductions, distributions, Deutsche
debits *
(Mae Scanlan)

‘I did not collude,’ Kushner asserts
*Collusion? Cray-Cray, Claims Kid K*
(Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

Trump lawyers asking about presidential pardon powers
*Pettifoggers plan to proffer plenty of potentially practical pretexts
for pardoning political pals*
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Trump dictated son’s misleading statement on meeting with Russian lawyer
*Disclosure: Dad Donald drafted dauphin’s deceptive declaration on
discussion of disrupting, diddling Democrats*
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Obituaries: By being himself, the pioneering news anchor Jim Vance
broadcast straight into the heart of the District
*Vance: a valiant video voice, with a vigilant viewpoint in a volatile
village; venerated for verve, versatility. With his vanishing: Vacuum.
Void. *
(Mae Scanlan)

Trump’s Scouts speech brings backlash
*Commander in chief cannonballs into captive kids’ campground with
campaign claptrap*
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
*Jolly Jamboree jolted by jawing jackass jamming junk on juveniles *
(Annette Green, Lexington, Va.)

Trump announces ban on transgender people in U.S. military
*Prohibitive president proclaims: Privates, preserve privates!*
(Jesse Frankovich)

The military spends five times as much on Viagra as it would on
transgender troops’ medical care
*Defense doctoring dollars dealt to dingus dysfunction drugs demonstrate
dubious deliberation on discriminatory decision *(Nan Reiner)

There are a lot of gross microbes on a dollar bill
*Begrimed banknotes bear bounteous bugs, bacteria, butt-borne bits*
(Jesse Frankovich)

Heroic effort by Seychellois man saves 5 people in distress at sea
*He saved sailors to the seashore in the Seychelles* (Roy Ashley,

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Aug. 14: our contest to combine
two movie titles. See .*