Style Invitational Week 1240: We GIVE you Limerixicon XIV


Send us a limerick featuring a word beginning with gh- or gi-; plus
winning alliterative headlines (early!)




(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

Entertainment
August 10

//

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning alliterative headlines
from Week 1237)


Most election reformers believe
Contributions are bad. (How naive!)
But my Bible instructs
What to do with my bucks:
Says it’s better to *give,* /then/ receive.

Well, hickory dickory dock — or, we should say, gickory gickory gock:
It’s time once again for the Limerixicon, our 14th annual check-in
with OEDILF.com , the project by Chris J. Strolin
and his merry team to compile a dictionary of limericks featuring every
word in the English language. OEDILF projects a completion date of Sept.
25, 2076 (exactly what it was last August), and more than 99,000
limericks have been submitted to the website — which means that with
this week’s contest, the Loser Community could very well turn over
Chris’s limerodometer. Last August the Oedilfers asked us for ge- words;
the year before that, we did the ga-. *This week: Supply a humorous,
previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English
word, name or term beginning with “gh-” or “gi-,” *as in the example
above by Chris Doyle that got ink in the bd-to-bi- contest in 2005.
See *wapo.st/limericks2017 *for our
fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme and meter (in a nutshell:
“perfect” rhyme, and a strong “hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm in Lines 1,
2 and 5; a “dickory-dock” in Lines 3 and 4; plus “weak” syllables on
either side). See OEDILF.com about submitting limericks there after this
contest is over.

Submit entries at this website:*wapo.st/enter-invite-1240*
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
,*
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design.
Second place receives — brought back from Italy by Loser Elden Carnahan
— a T-shirt listing 66 /parolacce,/ or extremely crude Italian terms,
complete with English (or in some cases, broken-English)
translations. Note: If you have the /slightest/ amount of decency, the
Empress will happily substitute a more decorous prize.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 21; results
published Sept. 10 (online Sept. 7). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Nan Reiner; the honorable-mentions subhead
is by William Kennard. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*HAR HEADS: THE ALLITERATIVE HEADLINES OF WEEK 1237*
We’re bringing you the results of *Week 1237* a week early — does the
Empress have it together or what! Actually the answer would be (b),
“what”: In a stunning achievement not equaled in Invite history except
perhaps When the Czar Totally Skipped Week 64, the E spent the week
judging 1237, not realizing until too late that it was Week 1236’s turn.
So the bogus-portmanteau words will be here next week.

In Week 1237 we asked you to rewrite a
headline from July 21-31 using alliteration, with most of the words
beginning with the same letter or letter-sound (e.g., C and K).

That
period turned out to be one heck of a news week — encompassing the
entire career of Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications
Director in Waiting.

The inking headlines below are accompanied by either the original
headline or a paraphrase.

4th place

/Original: /North Korea tests ballistic missile that experts say could
hit California
*Mini-Me meshuggenah’s mighty mega-missile might make Malibu*
(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

3rd place

Kelly steps in to impose order for president
*Hardy Homeland headliner hastily hired to hamstring Head Honcho’s
harebrained histrionics in hotbed of haphazard, hostile happenings;
holds high hopes for harmony in hobbled headquarters*
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)

2nd place

and the leggings with a human-muscles pattern
:

CEO pay 271 times that of a typical U.S. worker
*Exploited exclaim, ‘[Expletive] executives expect [expletive]
extraordinary [expletive] excess!’*
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Random recipients rejoice reallocated riches’ release*
/Original:/ “Lotteries”
(Jeff Contompasis)

Seconds. So sad: honorable mentions

Abrupt chain reaction for Trump
*Spin shop staff shake-up: Spicer splits, Sanders supplants Sean;
sycophant schmoozer Scaramucci slithers in; sources cite satanic
snickering*
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Trump ousts Priebus as chief of staff*
POTUS punts previously precious Priebus Pluto-ward, points to puny,
pathetic production*
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Scaramucci unloads on Priebus in vulgar tirade
*Volatile vermin vehemently voices vulgar, vindictive, violent, vile,
vituperative vortex of vomit *
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.) *
Missed manners: Mooch’s manure-mouth makes mockery of managed media
messaging *
(Kevin Dopart)

Scaramucci out as White House communications director
*Foulmouthed financier fails to finish first fortnight*
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)*
Marine makes Mooch march; motormouth multimillionaire media manager muted
* (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

Sessions plans to stay, despite Trump’s remark *
Land’s leading lawyer (lackey), lovelorn and lacking leverage, leery of
leaving*
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Nationals trade for Twins closer Brandon Kintzler to help steady nagging
late-game situations
*Beltway ballclub bolsters beleaguered bullpen because bunch of bums
blows ballgames beyond belief*
(Jesse Frankovich)

These college students lost access to legal pot — and started getting
better grades
*Could kibosh on crimeless cannabis cause climb in college kids’
cognitive caliber? ’Course, clowns!*
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Rick Perry thought he was talking to a world leader about pig manure. It
was a prank call.
*Putative politico pranks Perry with palaver pertaining to pig pies.
Piffle? Persiflage? P’Ooops . . . ?
* Nan Reiner)

Kushner details more than 70 assets that he failed to disclose
*Derelict in duty? Da Donald’s darling daughter’s dearie didn’t disclose
dozens and dozens of denominations, deductions, distributions, Deutsche
debits *
(Mae Scanlan)

‘I did not collude,’ Kushner asserts
*Collusion? Cray-Cray, Claims Kid K*
(Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

Trump lawyers asking about presidential pardon powers
*Pettifoggers plan to proffer plenty of potentially practical pretexts
for pardoning political pals*
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Trump dictated son’s misleading statement on meeting with Russian lawyer
*Disclosure: Dad Donald drafted dauphin’s deceptive declaration on
discussion of disrupting, diddling Democrats*
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Obituaries: By being himself, the pioneering news anchor Jim Vance
broadcast straight into the heart of the District
*Vance: a valiant video voice, with a vigilant viewpoint in a volatile
village; venerated for verve, versatility. With his vanishing: Vacuum.
Void. *
(Mae Scanlan)

Trump’s Scouts speech brings backlash
*Commander in chief cannonballs into captive kids’ campground with
campaign claptrap*
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
*Jolly Jamboree jolted by jawing jackass jamming junk on juveniles *
(Annette Green, Lexington, Va.)



Trump announces ban on transgender people in U.S. military
*Prohibitive president proclaims: Privates, preserve privates!*
(Jesse Frankovich)

The military spends five times as much on Viagra as it would on
transgender troops’ medical care
*Defense doctoring dollars dealt to dingus dysfunction drugs demonstrate
dubious deliberation on discriminatory decision *(Nan Reiner)

There are a lot of gross microbes on a dollar bill
*Begrimed banknotes bear bounteous bugs, bacteria, butt-borne bits*
(Jesse Frankovich)

Heroic effort by Seychellois man saves 5 people in distress at sea
*He saved sailors to the seashore in the Seychelles* (Roy Ashley,
Washington)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Aug. 14: our contest to combine
two movie titles. See wapo.st/invite1239 .*