Style Invitational Week 1236: Portmanteaux faux — give us a fake
‘combination’ of words


Plus the winning captions for Bob Staake’s cartoons




(Cartoons by Bob Staake/for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

Entertainment
July 13

//

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning cartoon captions from
Week 1232.)

*AMEN: A combination of “abominable” and “yes-men.” Example: “Do you
love our president? Let’s hear an Amen!”*

*DEGREE: Combines “degrading” and “twee.” “So what was it like to defend
your dissertation in front of Professor Pomposity?” “Totally the third
degree.” *

You'll have the pool all to yourself with this prize emoji-motif raft.
(FIVEBELOW.COM)

**

This week’s contest, suggested by classics scholar /and / 87-time Loser
Ann Martin, combines a couple of the Invitational’s frequent contest
themes: It incorporates the idea of a portmanteau word, a word that’s
coined by combining two other words, along with our beloved practice of
promulgating totally bogus explanations. *This week: Explain —
inaccurately but amusingly — how a real word is a combination of two or
more words, *with an illustrative sentence, as in the examples above, or
some other funny way.

Submit entries at this website: *wapo.st/enter-invite-1236*
(all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial,

* the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design.
Second place receives, actually in season for once, a *raft-size
triangular brown pool float* — in this case, we should call it a floater
— depicting the now-famous poop emoji
.
The triangle’s long sides are almost five feet long. Donated by Hall of
Fame Loser Jeff Contompasis.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, July 24; results
published Aug. 13 (online Aug. 10). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially for song parody guidance
this week, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*FOUR-TOON TELLERS: THE CAPTIONS OF WEEK 1232 *
In *Week 1232 *the Empress asked you, as she
does two or three times a year, to write one or more captions for
cartoons by Style Invitational Artist 4 Ever Bob Staake.

4th place

/Picture D:/ *The office’s production of “Romeo and Juliet” was hampered
by a very small budget.* (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

3rd place

/Picture B: / *“I told you your sister would just die if we announced
our engagement!”* (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

2nd place and the “Free Tommy Chong” T-shirt from 2003:

/Picture C:/ *“For our lovely American visitors, tonight’s special is
“Pot de Chambre.”* (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

/Picture D:/ *“Good grief, Doris! Ailes and O’Reilly are gone, okay? Now
get those sweet cheeks down here and pour us some coffee already.”*
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)

Droopy draws: honorable mentions

*PICTURE A*

*Sal emphatically “explained” to Officer Pupp that “free press” does NOT
refer to the sale price*. (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.)

*“Don’t blame me, Officer McGregor; I told you it was hard-hitting
coverage.”* (David Ballard, Reston. Va.; Bill Lieberman, Ellicott City, Md.)

*You’re looking for a ‘cop on the beat’ deal? How about a ‘beat on the
cop’?”* (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

*“A cop on duty should not be toking a giant blunt!”* (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)

*Astronomers marveled at the discovery of two very large planets, one
shaped like a policeman and the other a newsstand, in the vicinity of
Saturn*. (Mark Raffman)

*An example of one of those “Noxious Emissions Widely Spewed” stands
that have been popping up since the election.* (Bill Lieberman)

/And Last:/ *“I don’t care how long you’ve been asleep, Officer van
Winkle, here in 2017 the Sunday Washington Post costs $3.50 a pop, and
it still runs The Style Invitational.”* (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

** *PICTURE B *

** *“Dang, I shouldn’t have advertised for undertakers on Monster.com.”*
(James Scarborough, McLean, Va., a First Offender)

*“My orders are to recover the monolith we placed on your world eons
ago, not an Ikea bookcase.” *(Jeff Contompasis)

*“Mom! You know I only eat living bodies . . .”* (Rob Huffman)

*“No way, Helen! It says I get all the coffins right here in our
prenup.” *(Jesse Frankovich)

*“Not so fast, Mom. We shouldn’t play Giant Jenga until we’ve read the
instructions.”* (Jesse Frankovich)

*“On Jupiter, we require a written contract for the sale of half a Kit
Kat bar.”* (Mark Raffman)

*“Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . Where in the script does it say I have a love
scene with Carol Channing?*” (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

*“No, Org ask you bring me BEER!”* (Jesse Frankovich)

*All that Granny could think about on encountering the lizardlike,
one-eyed, spike-tailed undertaker was: Why does he have nipples?* (Mark
Raffman)

*PICTURE C*

*“. . . and the fly is gluten-free.”* (Marni Penning Coleman, Falls
Church, Va.)

*“Actually, he’s doing the 100-centimeter individual medley.”* (Jason
Russo, Annandale, Va.)

*“Out of respect, you should wait for these two to finish mating.”*
(Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

*Gaspard’s strong accent led many diners to reject their complimentary
bowls of the chef’s Special Golden Chowder. *(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*“Permit me to stir it with my umbrella.”* (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg,
Pa.)

*“I think your first course just ate the second.” * (Frank Mann,
Washington)

*“Just close your eyes and imagine they’re noodles.” * (Jesse Frankovich)

*To the diners’ dismay, Google translate confirmed that “soupe avec
élan” could mean either “soup with zest” OR “soup with moose.”* (Jeff
Contompasis)

*PICTURE D*

*Fine, Ms. Jenkins, you win. Come down and we’ll allow you to make
seventy-EIGHT percent of what we do.* (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.;
Jason Russo)



*“Calm down, Marge. When I said ‘foursome,’ I meant golf.*” (Warren
Tanabe, Annapolis)

*“Please, madam! You’re the only person left in Pennsylvania who hasn’t
heard of Bill Cosby. Please come back to Philadelphia with us for the
retrial.” (*Bill Lieberman)

*When the traps baited with $100 bills didn’t work, Mrs. Johnson
realized grimly that her kitchen was not infested with ordinary lawyers,
but rather with LOBBYISTS.* (John Hutchins)

*Unfortunately, one of the characters on Lizzie’s Loser magnets
resembled the CEO of the firm. *(Dave Prevar)

*Still running — deadline is also Monday, July 24: our song parody
contest for lyrics about science and technology. See wapo.st/invite1235
. *