Style Invitational Week 1230: What in creation? Give us some divine plans.

Plus the winning ‘grandfoals’ of Week 1226

(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

June 1


(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “grandfoals”)

[creating octopus]
GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands
ANGEL: uh, we’re out of bones.
GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things(@huntigula
on Twitter)

*[creating bees]
*Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on, God, wha—”
Make its puke delicious.

a.k.a. Horny Rae Jepsen)

*[making bats]*
GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings
ANGEL: god?
GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot

A squeezable (throttleable?) plush strep bacterium, this week's second
prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )


*A thing on Twitter a couple of years ago *— hey, for the Empress,
that’s a blink of her rheumy old eye — was a flurry of tweeted
mini-dialogues on God Creating Stuff. BuzzFeed compiled some of the
year, including the pseudonymous ones above, and Imperial Scion Valerie
Holt alerted the Empress recently. *This week: Supply a brief monologue
or dialogue about a Creator’s specifications or planning for some living
being, *as in the examples above. Since the Invite doesn’t have
Twitter’s strict space limitations — and because the Empress has this
thing for punctuation and readability — please spell words out, use
standard punctuation and capitalization, etc.; once we publish this
week’s results, you can tweet your entry however you like.

*Submit entries at this website: * *
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design.
Second place receives, in the spirit of Why?? creations, a cute plush
Streptococcus pyogenes microbe,

a.k.a. Sore Throat, donated long, long ago by Used to Do the Invite All
the Time Paul Kondis.

*Other runners-up *win our new “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, June 12; results
published July 2 (online June 29). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results was sent in by both Jon Gearhart and Jesse
Frankovich; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart. Join the
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at / /

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

In Week 1222, back in April, we presented
(for the 23rd time) a list of horses nominated for the year’s Triple
Crown races; you got to “breed” any two names and name the “foal” to
reflect both names.

 Then when the results ran four weeks later, it was time for *Week 1226
,* our 12th annual “grandfoal” contest, in
which you bred any two of those winning foal names. Here they are, from
among 2,000 entries: puns on top of puns.

4th place:

*Eureka! x Fish Shtick = You Reeka!* (Dave Letizia, Alexandria, Va.)

3rd place:

*All Systems Ergo x I Like Big Buttons = No, Mr. President! *
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

2nd place

and the memoir of a nude birder
: *Bomb Bard
x Fillet of Seoul = Jong-Un Foolish*
(Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Too Loose Lautrec x Eric Clap = Tool-Ooze Lautrec *(Chris Doyle,
Denton, Tex.)

The Reekness: honorable mentions

*Horse Fly United x Love Hertz = Now Horse Rent Car*
(Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.)

*Erin Go Braghless x Titan the Screw = Nip & Torque* (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Horse Fly United x Shall I Comp Thee? = No Thanks I’ll Sue * (Rebecca
Simmons Poppe, Hampton, Va., a First Offender) [it may be a first for
Ms. Poppe, but as Rebecca Simmons, she won a runner-up T-shirt in Week
159, back in 1996]

*REMbrandt x Don’s Surly Slight = Dutch Tweet* (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Erin Go Braghless x The Who? = Mamnesia *(Tom Witte)

*All Systems Ergo x Man Asses = All Systems Ego* (George Smith,
Frederick, Md.)

*Erin Go Braghless x Baba O’Really = Bust but Verify* (Duncan Stevens,
Vienna, Va.)

*Oh Say Can You Zzz x Bed Bath N Bayonne = Sleep W The Fishes * (David
Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.; Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

*Ho California x Bare It Browning = FiftyShadesOfTan *(Betsy Riley,
Damascus, Md., a First Offender)

*Ruble Yell x Bed Bath N Bayonne = Vladimir Linen* (Andrew Hoenig,
Rockville, Md.)

*Disappearing Inc. x Help a Thief! = Going Going Goniff *(Chris Doyle)

*’Ell, a Beer! x P.A.T. on the Back = Two-Pint Conversion *(Andrew Hoenig)

*Eric Clap x Bare It Browning = Wonderbra Tonight *(Harvey Smith,
McLean, Va.)

*Eric Clap x Ho California = LayLA *(Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*Help a Thief! x Ho California = Aiding & Abedding *(William Kennard,
Arlington, Va.; John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

*In a Minute Dear x Oh Say Can You Zzz = Marital Bliss *(David Ballard,
Reston, Va.)

*Jeb! Stuart x Man Asses = LookAwayLookAway* (Rob Huffman)

*Troy, Troy Again x Love Hertz = I Really Aikman* (Stephen Dudzik)

*Muck Rakin’ x No, It’s Iowa = Manure Rakin’* (Sara Jay)

*Horse Fly United x Disappearing Inc. = BoeingBoeingGone!* (Larry Gray,
Union Bridge, Md.)

*Fillet of Seoul x Help a Thief! = Gangnam Steal* (Laurie Brink,
Cleveland, Mo.)

*Good Vibe Rations x Fish Shtick = The Belch Boys * (Michael Rosen, New

*Eureka! x Don’s Surly Slight = Vacuums Suck!* (Pam Sweeney, Burlington,

*Punk’d-uation x Disappearing Inc. = Comma Chameleon* (Ellen Ryan,
Rockville, Md.; Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)

*Ho California x Shall I Comp Thee? = Trick or Treat* (Dave Matuskey,

*No, It’s Iowa x Man Asses = Des Loines *(Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

*Spruuuuce!!! x Oh Say Can You Zzz = I’m a Slumberjack *(Stephen Dudzik)

*Rubenesque Chance x Walk Off Homer = TheFatLadySwings *(Chris Doyle)

*Troy, Troy Again x Ruble Yell = Trojan Hoarse *(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

*Erin Go Braghless x Man Asses = Ann Teat ’Em *(Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

*Man Asses x Muck Rakin’ = I Can See 4 Piles *(Chris Doyle)

*Left Right Repeat x Congrats, Loser = Peri-pathetic* (Mary McNamara,

*Fish Shtick x The Who? = Hard of Herring* (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

*Fish Shtick x Carnegie Endowment = It Was This Big *(Harvey Smith)

*Don’s Surly Slight x O Say, Can You C++ = Clod Computing* (Chris Doyle)

*Felon of Troy x REMbrandt = Plunder&Whitening* (May Jampathom,
Oakhurst, N.J.)

*Fish Shtick x Good Vibe Rations = Tuna Piano* (Robert Schechter, Dix
Hills, N.Y.)

*Bare It Browning x Rubenesque Chance = My Vast Duchess* (Laurie Brink)

*Koch-Conspirator x I Like Big Buttons = TrumpOrdersAKoch* (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)

*Emir Trifle x Man Asses = Sheikh Yerbuti* (Mark Raffman)

*Bonus Pints x ’Ell, a Beer! = IPA * *Lot* (May Jampathom)

/And Last:/ *Congrats, Loser x Have One Skittle = Next Week’s Prize*
(David Ballard)

/We’ll give ink to more grandfoals (plus original foals from Week 1222)
next month when the Empress is on vacation./

*Still running — deadline Monday night, June 5: our contest for
“Gashlycrumb Tinies”-inspired alphabet couplets. See
. *