Style Invitational Week 1230: What in creation? Give us some divine plans.


Plus the winning ‘grandfoals’ of Week 1226




(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

Entertainment
June 1

//

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “grandfoals”)

[creating octopus]
GOD: Give it 8 super strong arms & hands
ANGEL: uh, we’re out of bones.
GOD: 8 weird floppy arms w/ suction cup things(@huntigula
on Twitter)

*[creating bees]
*Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on, God, wha—”
Make its puke delicious.

(@themiltron,
a.k.a. Horny Rae Jepsen)

*[making bats]*
GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings
ANGEL: um
GOD:
ANGEL: god?
GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot

A squeezable (throttleable?) plush strep bacterium, this week's second
prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )

(@tricycle_champ,
a.k.a.
Jackson)

*A thing on Twitter a couple of years ago *— hey, for the Empress,
that’s a blink of her rheumy old eye — was a flurry of tweeted
mini-dialogues on God Creating Stuff. BuzzFeed compiled some of the
tweets
last
year, including the pseudonymous ones above, and Imperial Scion Valerie
Holt alerted the Empress recently. *This week: Supply a brief monologue
or dialogue about a Creator’s specifications or planning for some living
being, *as in the examples above. Since the Invite doesn’t have
Twitter’s strict space limitations — and because the Empress has this
thing for punctuation and readability — please spell words out, use
standard punctuation and capitalization, etc.; once we publish this
week’s results, you can tweet your entry however you like.

*Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1230
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
,*
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design.
Second place receives, in the spirit of Why?? creations, a cute plush
Streptococcus pyogenes microbe,

a.k.a. Sore Throat, donated long, long ago by Used to Do the Invite All
the Time Paul Kondis.

*Other runners-up *win our new “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, June 12; results
published July 2 (online June 29). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results was sent in by both Jon Gearhart and Jesse
Frankovich; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart. Join the
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*FOALED AGAIN! THE GRANDS OF WEEK 1222 *
In Week 1222, back in April, we presented
(for the 23rd time) a list of horses nominated for the year’s Triple
Crown races; you got to “breed” any two names and name the “foal” to
reflect both names.

 Then when the results ran four weeks later, it was time for *Week 1226
,* our 12th annual “grandfoal” contest, in
which you bred any two of those winning foal names. Here they are, from
among 2,000 entries: puns on top of puns.

4th place:

*Eureka! x Fish Shtick = You Reeka!* (Dave Letizia, Alexandria, Va.)

3rd place:

*All Systems Ergo x I Like Big Buttons = No, Mr. President! *
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

2nd place

and the memoir of a nude birder
: *Bomb Bard
x Fillet of Seoul = Jong-Un Foolish*
(Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Too Loose Lautrec x Eric Clap = Tool-Ooze Lautrec *(Chris Doyle,
Denton, Tex.)

The Reekness: honorable mentions

*Horse Fly United x Love Hertz = Now Horse Rent Car*
(Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.)

*Erin Go Braghless x Titan the Screw = Nip & Torque* (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Horse Fly United x Shall I Comp Thee? = No Thanks I’ll Sue * (Rebecca
Simmons Poppe, Hampton, Va., a First Offender) [it may be a first for
Ms. Poppe, but as Rebecca Simmons, she won a runner-up T-shirt in Week
159, back in 1996]

*REMbrandt x Don’s Surly Slight = Dutch Tweet* (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Erin Go Braghless x The Who? = Mamnesia *(Tom Witte)

*All Systems Ergo x Man Asses = All Systems Ego* (George Smith,
Frederick, Md.)

*Erin Go Braghless x Baba O’Really = Bust but Verify* (Duncan Stevens,
Vienna, Va.)

*Oh Say Can You Zzz x Bed Bath N Bayonne = Sleep W The Fishes * (David
Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.; Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

*Ho California x Bare It Browning = FiftyShadesOfTan *(Betsy Riley,
Damascus, Md., a First Offender)

*Ruble Yell x Bed Bath N Bayonne = Vladimir Linen* (Andrew Hoenig,
Rockville, Md.)

*Disappearing Inc. x Help a Thief! = Going Going Goniff *(Chris Doyle)

*’Ell, a Beer! x P.A.T. on the Back = Two-Pint Conversion *(Andrew Hoenig)

*Eric Clap x Bare It Browning = Wonderbra Tonight *(Harvey Smith,
McLean, Va.)

*Eric Clap x Ho California = LayLA *(Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*Help a Thief! x Ho California = Aiding & Abedding *(William Kennard,
Arlington, Va.; John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

*In a Minute Dear x Oh Say Can You Zzz = Marital Bliss *(David Ballard,
Reston, Va.)

*Jeb! Stuart x Man Asses = LookAwayLookAway* (Rob Huffman)

*Troy, Troy Again x Love Hertz = I Really Aikman* (Stephen Dudzik)

*Muck Rakin’ x No, It’s Iowa = Manure Rakin’* (Sara Jay)

*Horse Fly United x Disappearing Inc. = BoeingBoeingGone!* (Larry Gray,
Union Bridge, Md.)

*Fillet of Seoul x Help a Thief! = Gangnam Steal* (Laurie Brink,
Cleveland, Mo.)

*Good Vibe Rations x Fish Shtick = The Belch Boys * (Michael Rosen, New
York)

*Eureka! x Don’s Surly Slight = Vacuums Suck!* (Pam Sweeney, Burlington,
Mass.)

*Punk’d-uation x Disappearing Inc. = Comma Chameleon* (Ellen Ryan,
Rockville, Md.; Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)

*Ho California x Shall I Comp Thee? = Trick or Treat* (Dave Matuskey,
Sacramento)

*No, It’s Iowa x Man Asses = Des Loines *(Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

*Spruuuuce!!! x Oh Say Can You Zzz = I’m a Slumberjack *(Stephen Dudzik)

*Rubenesque Chance x Walk Off Homer = TheFatLadySwings *(Chris Doyle)

*Troy, Troy Again x Ruble Yell = Trojan Hoarse *(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

*Erin Go Braghless x Man Asses = Ann Teat ’Em *(Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

*Man Asses x Muck Rakin’ = I Can See 4 Piles *(Chris Doyle)

*Left Right Repeat x Congrats, Loser = Peri-pathetic* (Mary McNamara,
Washington)

*Fish Shtick x The Who? = Hard of Herring* (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

*Fish Shtick x Carnegie Endowment = It Was This Big *(Harvey Smith)

*Don’s Surly Slight x O Say, Can You C++ = Clod Computing* (Chris Doyle)

*Felon of Troy x REMbrandt = Plunder&Whitening* (May Jampathom,
Oakhurst, N.J.)

*Fish Shtick x Good Vibe Rations = Tuna Piano* (Robert Schechter, Dix
Hills, N.Y.)

*Bare It Browning x Rubenesque Chance = My Vast Duchess* (Laurie Brink)

*Koch-Conspirator x I Like Big Buttons = TrumpOrdersAKoch* (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)



*Emir Trifle x Man Asses = Sheikh Yerbuti* (Mark Raffman)

*Bonus Pints x ’Ell, a Beer! = IPA * *Lot* (May Jampathom)

/And Last:/ *Congrats, Loser x Have One Skittle = Next Week’s Prize*
(David Ballard)

/We’ll give ink to more grandfoals (plus original foals from Week 1222)
next month when the Empress is on vacation./

*Still running — deadline Monday night, June 5: our contest for
“Gashlycrumb Tinies”-inspired alphabet couplets. See bit.ly/invite-1229
. *