Style Invitational Week 1227: Celebrate ortho-diversity! A neologism
contest


Plus ‘Turkey Head Transplant Fails’ and other juicy headlines for
non-juicy articles




A petuna bouquet: This week's contest is to coin a term for a life form
whose name has no repeated letters. (Bob Staake/for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

Entertainment
May 11



(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning juicy headlines for
non-juicy news)

*Petuna: A flower that’s a bit too fragrant. *(Jeff Shirley)

*Iguano: The zookeeper’s least favorite reptile cage.* (Jeff Shirley)

*Womant: A creature who can lift many times her own weight but won’t
tell you what that weight is. *(Seth Brown, from a 2004 Invite contest
to combine two animals.)

It’s been a couple of months since our last neologism contest, causing
the English language to languish desperately until we saw fit to inject
a couple of dozen new words into it. Our latest twist on the genre comes
from Loser Jeff Shirley, who suggested *this week’s contest: * *Name and
describe a new life form — *and no letter in the term may be used twice,
* * as in the examples above. “Life form” is pretty vague on purpose;
the E always appreciates creativity, and of course The Funny.

*Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1227
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial
,*
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a fascinating volume called *“American Sex
Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office”;*

it’s a look at hundreds of various devices reflecting “our national
quest for sexual innovation,” from everything from whalebone corsets to
condoms implanted with computer chips, and including some downright
scary electrical gadgets. Donated by Loser John Hutchins, who swears
that his Twitter handle is /not /@AmericanSexMachine.

*Other runners-up *win our new “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, May 22; results
published June 11 (online June 8). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join the Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*PRAISE THE LURID: JUICY HEADLINES FOR NON-JUICY NEWS*
In *Week 1223 *we asked you to tout an actual
mundane newspaper story, from The Post or elsewhere, as a sensational
one with a lurid-sounding headline.

4th place:

*BABY BORN WITH 4-FOOT NECK IS AN INTERNET SENSATION*
April the giraffe finally gives birth (Kathy K. MacDonald, Columbia,
Md., a First Offender)

3rd place:

*TURKEY HEAD TRANSPLANT FAILS*
President Erdogan retains, enhances powers (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

2nd place and the crocheted L-O-S-E-R squares:

*ROCKETS TAKE OUT ACTIVE SHOOTER *
Houston overcomes 51 points from Russell Westbrook to beat Oklahoma City
(Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*GOP CONGRESSMAN FOUND DEAD AFTER CALLING FOR PRESIDENT’S IMPEACHMENT *
Obituary of Lawrence J. Hogan Sr., a House Watergate Committee member
who called for Nixon’s impeachment in 1974 (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Extra! Extra! Honorable mentions

*FORMER TERROR SUSPECTS CONVERGE ON CITY
* Reunion of Japanese Americans who were interned during World War II
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*MD. CHILDREN TO BE BEATEN IN FULL VIEW OF THEIR PARENTS*
Little League schedule announced (Frank Osen)

*UNITED CEO DENIED SEAT CHANGE*
Oscar Munoz will not get his expected promotion to chairman of the board
(Seth Tucker, Washington)

*POPE FOUND PLASTERED OUTSIDE VATICAN CITY!*
Hundreds of posters in praise of Pope Francis appear around Rome (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)

*GOVERNMENT TORTURES POLITICAL OPPONENTS WITH STEEL PROBE*
Trump orders inquiry into U.S. steel imports, to the dismay of
free-trade supporters (Seth Tucker)

*THESE STRIPPERS WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT AT YOUR DOORSTEP *
Tips on removing paint from a concrete walkway (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)

*TRUMP FAMILY PAID FOR BODY PARTS IN FRONT OPERATION *
President’s granddaughter received $10 from “tooth fairy” (Mark Raffman,
Reston, Va.)

*CLEVELAND MAN GRABBED, STRIPPED AND SHOT
*LeBron James got 10 rebounds and two steals, scored 33 points in
playoff game (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

*D.C. STOOL SAMPLES REVEAL TROUBLING TREND*
Seating at popular bars has become too tightly packed (Mike Gips,
Bethesda Md.)

*OLDER WOMEN FIND PADDLING A TURN-ON*
“Rowing Lets Women Stay Afloat While Aging” (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*6-FOOT-2 MAN PUSHES 77-YEAR-OLD WOMAN*
Lawrence Dawson, 80, is a fitness trainer for senior citizens (Roy
Ashley, Washington)

*CANDIDATE OPENS FIRE ON TV*
To deflect criticism that he supports gun control, Montana Democrat
shoots a television (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

*RODENTS THRIVE ON HUMAN BABY BLOOD*
Study finds that plasma from human umbilical cords improves memory in
mice (Kevin Dopart)

*SAW-WIELDING MAN VOWS TO RIP MUSICIAN A NEW ‘F-HOLE’ *
Article about a designer of custom guitars (Frank Osen)

*HEADLESS CORPSES SKEWERED, DISMEMBERED*
Restaurant offers excellent rotisserie chicken (Gary Crockett, Chevy
Chase, Md.)

*MANY D.C. RESIDENTS ARE WEDDED TO COUSINS!*
Redskins fans want star quarterback Kirk Cousins to stay with the team
(Duncan Stevens; Jesse Frankovich)

*FREE*r *CALLGIRLS! *
18th-century paintings of Japanese pleasure districts at the Freer
Sackler Gallery (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*AUTHOR STONED FOR NONTRADITIONAL BELIEFS *New book offers ideas for
combining yoga with cannabis (Jeff Contompasis)

*MADMAN ROAMS WHITE HOUSE FOR 4 HOURS*
President Trump hosts Ted Nugent for an evening at the White House,
gives private tour (Seth Tucker; Jeff Contompasis)

*THOUSANDS OF AFFLUENT D.C. RESIDENTS EXPLOIT MEALS ON WHEELS *
Food trucks provide lunchtime break for office workers (Michelle Kelley,
Arlington, Va., a First Offender)

*THOUSANDS SAVED FROM ICY DISASTER*
Capitals fans breathe sigh of relief as they advance to Round 2 (Jeff
Shirley)

*IMMIGRANT GETS PAST SECURITY, STRIKES PRESIDENT *
Melania reminds Donald to cover his heart during national anthem (Jeff
Shirley)

*FOX KILLS HOUND *
Bill O’Reilly’s show on Fox News is canceled (Seth Tucker)

*STUNNING DETAILS OF HANGINGS IN UPSCALE HOTELS *
The latest perk: Guests discover super-luxurious bathrobes in closets
(Jeff Contompasis)

*LIVE VIDEO OF PRISONER GIVING BIRTH IS AIRED ON FACEBOOK WITHOUT
MOTHER’S CONSENT*
More about April the giraffe (Chris Doyle; Frank Osen)




*HORNY STUD, YOUNG GIRL STIR PASSIONS AS HEAVY-METAL DUO *
The placement of Wall Street statues causes controversy (Jeff Shirley)

*KINDERGARTNERS STABBED *
Vaccination rate at California schools increases (Gary Crockett)

*GROWING CRACK PROBLEM THREATENS DANISH REGION *
NASA detects new rift in Greenland’s Petermann Glacier (Barry Koch,
Catlett, Va.)

/And Last: / *WASHINGTON POST ARTICLE PRINTED WITH 91 MISSPELLINGS *
Announcing the Style Invitational “lik the bred”
poems from Week 1219 (Duncan Stevens; Jesse
Frankovich)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, May 15: our annual “grandfoals”
contest. See bit.ly/invite1226 . *