Style Invitational Week 1222: Foaling around 23 times over

It’s our annual horse name ‘breeding’ contest; plus ‘Mess With Our
Heads’ winners

Horse Fly x Always Dreaming = Pigs Fly. But dozens of Losers WILL get
ink in Week 1222. (Bob Staake/For The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

April 6

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning bank heads of Week 1218)

*Horse Fly x Always Dreaming = Pigs Fly*
*Irap x Talk Logistics = Jay Zzzzzzz*
*Gummy x Takeoff = Goo Bye! *

This year, four weekends from now, marks the 143rd annual running of the
Kentucky Derby. And this weekend marks the 143rd — no, it only /seems
/that many — the 23rd annual Style Invitational foal-naming contest,
usually our most heavily entered of the year. At the bottom of this
column is a list of 100 of the more than 400 racehorses nominated for
this year’s Derby, Preakness and Belmont; your job is to *“breed” any
two names and name the “foal”* to reflect both of them, as in the
examples above. (We know, every one of them is male and some are
gelded.) As in actual Thoroughbred racing, *a name may not exceed 18
characters including spaces,* but one or more of the characters may be
punctuation marks or numerals. You may run words together, but the name
still should be easy to read. Make sure you *spell the original horse
names correctly* in your entry, or the sorting program devised for the
Empress by Loser Jonathan Hardis might toss it into the virtual manure
pile. Please use the “Name A x Name B = Foal Name” format in the
examples. As always, you may send as many as 25 entries.

*Submit entries at this website: * *
* (all lowercase).

The winner of the Derby gets $2 million, but /our /winner gets the
*Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives, apropos of our mating contest, *“Leading
Youth to Abundant Life,”* a genuine 1934 hardcover book (it’s dated 1936
by one early owner) intended as a manual for religious-school teachers;
it advises, for instance, how to deal with a girl who has been “reading
Bible passages which deal with sex relationships.”

*Other runners-up *win our new “You Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, April 17; results
published May 7, the day after the Derby (but online May 4, so you can
follow our winning horses). See general contest rules and guidelines at . The headline for this week’s
results and the honorable-mentions subhead are both by Jesse Frankovich.
Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/ ./ “Like” Style Invitational
Ink of the Day on Facebook at / /

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column
--published late Thursday afternoon — discusses each new contest and set
of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*Week 1218* was the latest running of our
venerable *Mess With Our Heads *contest; this year, entrants could
select a headline from any publication dated March 9-20 and add a bank
head, or subtitle, that either reinterprets it or comments wryly.

4th place:

/Washington Post headline: / *Tillerson appears to give ground during
visit to Beijing* /
Fake bank head:/Chinese officials debate meaning of bag of dirt as a
diplomatic gift
(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

3rd place:

/Post:/ *March is a time of madness, vasectomies*
/Fake bank: /Which explains why the top seeds often don’t make it through
(Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

2nd place

and the golf-ball-into-window decal
/New York Times: / *Letter From Foreign Policy Experts on Travel Ban * /
Bank: /‘F’
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

/Post: / *Can we be civil enough to save democracy?* /
Bank: /“%&$#@ no!” agree libtards, wingnuts
(Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)


*The White House serves up a red herring
*President puts ketchup on everything
(Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*Person arrested on White House grounds after scaling fence*
Rex Tillerson fails again to get meeting with Trump
(Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)

*Senate votes to ditch standing rules*
Members may sit during national anthem, lie anytime
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*Flynn Was Paid to Represent Turkey During Campaign*
President signs executive order banning Thanksgiving
(Steve Price, New York)

*As a New Relationship Is Tested, Turkey Keeps High Hopes for Trump*
Spicer still defending boss’s erratic behavior (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

*White House fence-jumper in secure zone for 17 minutes*
President announces contest to rename ‘secure zone’
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase Md.)

*Trump’s Foreign Policy Doctrine*
Surprisingly detailed document uses all 140 characters
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

*President Trump, the king of flip-flops*
Wasting away again in Mar-a-Lago-ville
(Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)

*For His Supporters, Nothing Has Changed*
Still Size 42 Small
(Dan Helming, Maplewood, N.J.)

*Picking pockets*
Euphemism for ‘nostrils’ fails to increase social acceptance
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Staples to close 70 more stores*
Cash-strapped retailer has no money for padlocks
(Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

*Trojans Blitzed by Barrage of 3-Pointers*
Greek soldiers spring from gift horse, attack with tridents
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Why we’re unlikely to find any Russian ties in Trump’s tax returns *
Because they’re made in China
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

*Fox’s rabies test is positive, police say*
Hannity, O’Reilly found foaming at mouth, as usual
(William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

*Art of Empathy*
Long-lost ‘Canterbury Tales’ chapter centers on kindly but boring character
(Steve Honley, Washington)

*Eight OTs almost were not enough*
Local pastor delighted in turnout for Bible study class (Chris Doyle)

*Republicans may keep focus on leaks in Russia hearing*
Even /they/ want to hear stories about the hotel hookers
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

*Cuba advances, will face Israel next*
Scientists stunned by turbo plate tectonics
(Andy Schotz, Frederick, Md.)

*Report: U.S. lacks system for spotting, defusing homegrown extremist
Electoral college is ineffectual, researchers find
(Dave Matuskey)

*Grain Mixed, Livestock Higher *
Cattle ranchers blame stray seeds from neighboring pot farmers
(Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

*New Commander Returns to Fold*
Retired pilot decides he prefers paper airplanes after all
(Beverley Sharp)

*Kids Free With Select Packages *(from a hotel ad)
Amazon Prime offers choice of tykes — with two-day shipping
(John O’Byrne, Dublin)

*U.S. pushes China on North Korea *
Massive bulldozers deployed to bury hostile country
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Massive scale of CIA’s digital efforts revealed*
Agency has given the finger to 127 countries, document shows
(Chris Doyle)

*Uber drops tool used to thwart regulators*
Company says fired lawyer was ‘too annoying, even for us’
(Mark Raffman)

*Coalition air strikes hit record*
World cheers as final Tiny Tim LP is destroyed
(Lynne Ann Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)

*Purple Line construction faces more delays*

still can’t remember where he put crayon
(Dave Matuskey)

*Confused by Redskins meltdown? Use this handy translation *
Daniel Snyder = [expletive deleted]
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

*Barack Obama is picking UNC to beat Duke in the NCAA title game*
Ex-prez selects 2 teams from large swing state out of sheer habit
(John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Canada moves slowly on pot*
Cellphone ban considered for public toilets
(Larry Carnahan, Peabody, Mass.)

*D.C. plans a statue of Barry*
Bitch Construction Co. to set up
the monument (Ira Allen)

*/And last:/ * *Human exploitation to the nth degree*
Self-styled Empress takes advantage of Invite contestants, Amnesty
charges (William Kennard)

*/And even laster:/ * *Trump budgets for a dumber, dirtier America*
Federal funds to underwrite Style Invitational-based curriculum for
junior high (Jeff Hazle)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, April 10: our contest to
describe the child of any two people in history. See
. *


These 100 horses were drawn from a list of more than 400 Triple Crown
nominees published by; “breed” any two and name the foal for
Week 1222, above.

First: Do the Empress — and yourself — a favor and . . .

● *Don’t “breed” two names and use a third name from the list for the
“foal.”* People do this every year and never get ink because it’s just
too easy to do. And just two horses at a time, please. (We’re just
romantic that way.)

● *Don’t number your list of entries. * Numbers at the beginning of a
line will give fits to our name-sorting system. You’ll have to count to
25 on your 25 fingers.

● *Type each entry on a single line. * This is essential. If you have
the parents’ name on one line and the foal on another, little Junior is
going to get lost from the parents when we do The Big Sort. Remember,
use this format: Horse A x Horse B = Foal Name

● *Observe the 18-character limit, including spaces and punctuation
marks.* In other Invite contests, the Empress has occasionally given ink
to an entry that didn’t technically fit the rules, if it was especially
clever or funny. But there’s no give on the letter limit on horse names
— it’s part of the challenge.

(For a printable three-column list, click here.

*Action Everyday*
*Always Dreaming*
*American Anthem*
*Battalion Runner*
*Bee Jersey*
*Big Gray Rocket*
*Blueridge Traveler*
*Bobby Abu Dhabi*
*Bonus Points*
*Bronze Age*
*Classic Empire*
*Classic Rock*
*Cloud Computing*
*Comma Sister*
*Convict Pike*
*Downhill Racer*
*El Areeb*
*Fact Finding*
*Fast and Accurate*
*Fillet of Sole*
*Foggy Night*
*Gorgeous Kitten*
*Guest Suite*
*Haul Anchor*
*Hey Mike*
*High Frequency*
*Horse Fly*
*Hot Dad*
*Irish War Cry*
*It’s Your Nickel*
*J Boys Echo*
*Just Move On*
*Local Hero*
*Lookin at Lee*
*Made You Look*
*Master Plan*
*Midnight Pleasure*
*Mo Town*
*My Blue Heaven*
*No Dozing*
*No More Talk*
*One Liner*
*Pat on the Back*
*Practical Joke*
*Rapid Dial*
*Rowdy the Warrior*
*Run for the Cup*
*Running Mate*
*Solo Saxophone*
*State of Honor*
*Stone Hands*
*Talk Logistics*
*Term of Art*
*The Hardest Way*
*The Stranger*
*The Walk*
*Three Rules*
*Thunder Snow*
*True Timber*
*Tunnel Vision*
*Vending Machine*
*Warrior’s Club*
*Whole Lotta Luck*
*Wild Shot