Style Invitational Week 1221: Who’s kidding whom? Give any two people
a child
Plus ‘Brrr, Grrr & Fryes’ and other winning hybrid businesses
The child of Richard Nixon and Miss Manners will compile a People Whom
We Will Decline to Invite list. That's an inking entry by Brendan Beary
from our 2003 contest. (Bob Staake/for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers
Entertainment
March 30
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning combined businesses
from Week 1217)
*The child of Richard Nixon and Miss Manners will compile a People Whom
We Will Decline to Invite list.* (Brendan Beary)
*The child of Carmen Miranda and John Nash will be fruitful and
multiply.* (Peter Metrinko)
*The child of Imelda Marcos and Dr. Seuss would collect mukluks,
galoshes and gillies and high-tops, and also some moccasins, chukkas and
flip-flops.* (Mark Hagenau)
A sign of good breeding: This week's second prize, an electronic
chipmunk. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
Here’s a contest that we seem to have done only once before, long ago —
in fact, it was one of the last contests posted by the Empress’s
predecessor, the Czar,
before he went off to spend more time with his family at the end of
2003. And more than 13 years later, it could use some fresh names.
**This week: Take two people from history, past or present, and tell
what their child would be like, * *as in the examples above from Week
533. *New this time:* In 2003 we insisted that the parents be one male
and one female; this time, same-sex unions are fine with us.
*Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1221
* (all lowercase).
*Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,*
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a larger-than-life fuzzy toy chipmunk
that, powered by the
battery inside, wiggles its limbs and tail and makes chipmunk sounds.
It’s really actually very cute, unless you don’t like toy-chipmunk
sounds. Found by the Empress somewhere she doesn’t remember.
*Other runners-up *win our new “Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink
for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, April 10; results
published April 30 (online April 27). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
“Pun of your business” is by Chris Doyle; the honorable-mentions subhead
is by Kevin Dopart. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*PUN OF YOUR BUSINESS: THE CORPORATE MERGERS OF WEEK 1217*
In Week 1217 we asked you to combine two or
more types of businesses and name the hybrid.
Approximately 1,600
groaner puns later, the Empress cuts the ribbon on the following joint
ventures.
4th place:
A store that sells ice cream, pets and cowboy boots: *Brrr, Grrr &
Fryes* (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
3rd place:
Home protection service/celebrity hairstylist:*A Mighty Fortress/
Scissor God *
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
2nd place
and the Potty Basketball
set:
Comedy club/medical insurer: *Yomamacare* (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
A Vietnamese soup joint with a travel agency on the side: *Pho Getabout*
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Limited partnerships: honorable mentions
Basketball court/cinema/AC repair: *Net, Flicks & Chill *(Hildy
Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)
Tanning salon/hair salon: *Turn You Red & Coif* (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
An art supply store below a toupee shop: *Brushes Under the Rug*
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
Bakery and juice bar: *Roll With the Punches *(Jesse Frankovich,
Lansing, Mich.; Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)
Battery store with Mediterranean coffee shop downstairs: *Anode on a
Grecian Urn *(David Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.)
Casino that offers EMT training: *Aid and a Bet *(Mark Calandra,
Sudbury, Mass., a First Offender)
Gun store/funeral home: *Bloodbath & Beyond *(Holly Saunders, Bethesda,
Md.)
Fashion boutique/smoking cessation clinic: *Clothes but No Cigars
*(Jesse Frankovich)
Hydraulic engineering firm/workout space: *Dammit Gym*
(David Friedman, Santa
Clara, Calif.)
Life coach/Jewish deli: *What Am I/ Chopped Liver *(Amy Harris)
Middle Eastern fruit market and fortuneteller: *Dates With Destiny*
(Jesse Frankovich)
Otis Elevator Co./U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement: *Lifts and
Separates *(David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)
Animal shelter/law firm: *Boxers or Briefs?* (Hildy Zampella)
Psychics/abortion-activist fundraisers: *Seers and /Roe/ Bucks *(Mike
Ostapiej, Mount Pleasant, S.C.)
A Victoria’s Secret with an optometrist on the second floor: *Eyes Up
Here!* (Lee Graham, Washington)
Repo service/growth removal: *Seize and De-Cyst *(Jesse Frankovich)
Vietnamese noodle restaurant/Vietnamese nail salon: *Pho Toe-Finish*
(Dave Airozo, Silver Spring)
Meditation center/ packing supplies: *Better Oms and Cartons *(Chris Doyle)
A funeral home that rents out unused rooms to tourists: *Dead &
Breakfast: The Snoretuary *(Tom Witte)
Climbing equipment/lingerie: *The High and the Nightie *(Mae Scanlan,
Washington)
A tobacco shop, health spa and travel agency: *We’ve Got Chew, Calming
and Going* (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
Bookkeeping firm/motel cabins: *Sums and Shanty Evenings *(Amy Harris)
Cattle barn cleanup and urinal sales: *Moo Goo/ Guy Pan* (Frank Osen)
Mosque/minicar track: *Allah/Kart *(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Clothing store/public toilet: *Getup & Go* (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Dermatologist/leather crafter: *Warts & Awl *(Dave Prevar, Annapolis,
Md.; Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Heavy-duty hosiery/personal security/family planning clinic: *No Runs,
No Hits, No Heirs *(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
Houseplants/fundraising events: *Fronds With Benefits *(Jesse Frankovich)
Italian restaurant/funeral parlor:*Pastaway *(Becky Fisher, Madison, Wis.)
Masonry supply/Breitbart News headquarters: *Brick & Mordor*
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Mattress store/weight-loss clinic:*U-Snooze, U-Lose* (Jane Auerbach, Los
Angeles)
Metal refinery/casino: *Smelt It, Dealt It* (Alison Candela, Rockville,
Md.)
Milliner/fitness center: *Cap ’n’ Crunch *(Larry Gray)
Off-track betting parlor/spay-neuter clinic: *They’re Off! *(Larry Gray)
Orthopedist and Cuban restaurant: *Slings and Arroz *(Mark Raffman)
Proctologist’s office/kitchen remodeler with a big storefront window:
*See-Colon-Backsplash*
(Danielle Nowlin)
Seminary/riding academy:*Sermon on a Mount *(Howard Walderman, Columbia,
Md.)
Ski school and weight loss center: *Downhill Fast* (William Kennard,
Arlington, Va.)
Truck rentals /language academy: *U-Load Sixteen Tongues *(Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)
Skin care/home sales: *Repeel and Replace *(Annette Green, Lexington, Va.)
Sleep clinic/ WWF promoter: *The Yawn & the Wrestlers *(Larry Gray)
Tibetan monastery/Spanish restaurant: *The Lamas & the Tapas* (Sarah
Jay, Churchville, Md.)
Trump boutique/apiary/landscape service: *Ivanka-Bee-A Lawn *(Becky Fisher)
Lumberyard/CIA safe house: *Woodstock & Snoopy* (Danielle Nowlin)
Stump removal/Museum guide training: *Chipper by the Docent* (Brad
Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
Ice cream maker/computer repair: *Sorbet/The Geek* (Holly Saunders)
Realtor/escort service:*Land, Ho *(Duncan Stevens)
A performance arts emporium combining Elvis memorabilia, theater
production, “Lord of the Rings” costumes, and busking lessons: *Presley,
Stage, Toes Hairy and Mime* (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, April 3: our contest inviting
you to be comically pedantic. See bit.ly/invite1220. *