Style Invitational Week 1220: O pedantry, O pedantry — send us your

Plus the winning neologisms ‘discovered’ in a word search grid

"Love me with all your heart? I think not. Permit me to explain ..."
(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

March 23 at 10:35 AM

Follow @PatMyersTWP

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning word-search neologisms)

/Whenever a woman tells me that she loves me with all her heart, I
patiently explain that the heart is an autonomic blood pump incapable of
emotion, and that her statement is therefore without meaning. No woman
has made that mistake with me twice/. (Joseph Romm)

/The expression “You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose,
but you can’t pick your friend’s nose” is woefully inaccurate. There is
no physical barrier to picking the nose of another person. The barrier
would be one of social acceptability. A more accurate statement would be
“You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you MAY not
etc.” / (Jamie Eckman)

For this week's second prize, a lowercase-loser mug. (

Those ever so helpful clarifications arrived via Style Invitational Week
330, in the summer of 1999. That contest was inspired by those less
imaginative pedants who pointed out incessantly that the next century
would not start on New Year’s Day 2000, but on New Year’s Day 2001.
Eighteen years later, nobody cares anymore when this century started
(okay, maybe /you /do) but surely there’s plenty to faux-quibble about
that would make even confirmed acunerds (see today’s Week 1216 results)
roll their eyes (but how can they roll with so much connective tissue
around the iris?). *This week: Give us some humorous pedantry*, as in
the examples above. Don’t make them any longer than those; shorter ones
are welcome.

*Submit entries at this website: * *
* (all lowercase).

*Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a tall black-and-white ceramic travel mug
with a
picture of a flying saucer and the text “GET IN LOSER.” The Empress, who
believes passionately in the importance of commas, interprets that line
in a way perhaps not intended. Donated billions and billions of years
ago by the In Loser Brendan Beary.

*Other runners-up *win our new “Gotta Play to Lose”

Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, April 3; results
published April 23 (online April 20). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . “Witty-griddy”
in the headline was sent by both Jesse Frankovich and Stuart Rogers, the
honorable-mentions subhead by Beverley Sharp and Jeff Contompasis. Join
the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on
Facebook at /; / follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

The word search grid used for Week 1216; the highlighted “piglav” and
“reggy” were the contest examples. (Grid constructed at )

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

**In *Week 1216 * we presented the randomly
constructed word search grid above, and asked you to “discover” words by
snaking a line through adjacent letters, in any or every direction.

coordinates before the entries mark the first letter; you can trace the
word on the grid from there.

4th place:

*B-4: DORKRIDER:* A guy wearing a leather jacket on a Segway. (Bruce
Johnson, Churchton, Md.)

3rd place:

*L-11: LIAGRA:* “I’m only taking it to make it better for YOU.” (Todd
DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

2nd place

/and the Toilet Tunes electronic keyboard mat

*J-4: SEMICOM:* A punctuation mark denoting the briefest possible pause
between totally random thoughts. “I’m so upset about losing Marsha
[semicom] mmm, cupcakes! (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*H-6: IMPEACHIER:* Less peachy. “The way things are going in the White
House couldn’t be any impeachier.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

Path-illogical: honorable mentions

*F-6: EPATAPH:* What they’re saying now for environmental regulations.
(Frank Osen)

*D-8: AARPED:* Turned 50. “He AARPed on his last birthday and it wasn’t
pretty.” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*H-5: ARFTIME:* Mid-program break at the Puppy Bowl. (Frank Osen)

*I-5: FAMELIT:* Books “authored” by celebrities who write only checks.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

*J-12 DIAREA: *A journal documenting your every movement. (Jon Gearhart,
Des Moines)

*J-13: COSAG:* Grow old together. (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)

*J-6: FACTTIME:* An app that’s banned from all White House devices.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*J-7: ACUNERD: *Someone who points out every flawed technical detail.
“Acunerd Neil DeGrasse Tyson noted the incorrect constellations shown in
‘Titanic.’ ” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*L-9: PMS RAGE:* Non compos menses. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*N-4: ZILCCI:* What you end up when you forget to pack away mothballs
along with your expensive Italian suit. (Frank Osen)

*B-4: DORKKNOT*: A man bun. (Jeff Contompasis)

*C-10: TYRUNT: *A diminutive despot. A half-pint Hitler. A pocket Pol
Pot. A mini Mao. Kim Jung Un. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; Mae
Scanlan, Washington)

*C-16: MYMYMY:* The start of a thinly veiled rebuke from your
grandmother: “Mymymy, that’s an interesting choice of outfit for a
funeral, dear.” (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church)

*C-16: MYMYMYLY:* In an utterly surprised manner. “Fancy meeting you
here,” Tom said mymymyly to the nude letter carrier in his wife’s
closet. (Jeff Contompasis)

*G-13: DIYMD:* Do It Yourself Medical Doctor, by ACA Repeal. Complete
with step-by-step guides on YouTube! (Sarah Jacobs, New York)

*E-14: NERDPX:* The Apple Store. (Frank Osen)

*F-7: PRALEAN:* Low-fat confection with “nuts,” “sugar” and “cream.”
(Hildy Zampella)

*G-3 SNOTHURST:* Country Day School for the Pretentiously Rich. (William
Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

*J-10: VIAGRA TIME:* Often follows extensive Miller Time. (Barry Koch,
Catlett, Va.)

*J-6: FEARFIT:* That hot new cardio regimen in which the instructor
chases you around with a chain saw. (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)

*J-6: FUTELLA:* A low-selling breakfast spread made of toe jam. (Ann
Martin, College Park, Md.)

*J-9: LARDVAC:* Liposuction tool. “Your Mama’s so fat she needs the
industrial lardvac.” (Chris Doyle)

*K-13: VIRGINN:* A lodging place that, alas, is not taking bookings.
(Tom Witte)

*K-9: RAT-A-TAT-A-CLICK:* The sound of an AK-47 running out of ammo.
(Chris Doyle)

*M-15: PLEBVIN:* Snooty French term for Californian wine (Sam Kyung-Gun
Lim, Urbana, Ill., a First Offender)

*A-2: HUMIN: *What to er is. (Ian Graham, Orp-Jauche, Belgium)

*N-5: COXID:* The opposite of flaccid. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

*O-2: SHARM: *What the drunk in the pickup bar thinks he has. (Tom
Panther, Sharps, Va.)

*A-2: HUMIDORK:* Guy who gives out cigars when his gerbil has pups. (Tom
Murphy, Bowie, Md.)

*P-15: BELT-IN-IN-ING:* Staying on your diet all year long. (Jack
McBroom, Fort Valley, Va.)

*Q-3: TERMMOIL:* We’ll have plenty of this the next four years. (Dave
Silberstein, College Park, Md.)

*S-3: WETI: *The Abominable Rain Man. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*F-2: NO-INK REINCE:* The White House chief of staff fails to impress
the Empress of The Style Invitational. (Ed Edwards, Worcester Park,

*Still running — deadline Monday night, March 27: Our contest for “lik
the bred” poems. See . *