Style Invitational Week 1215: A so-so contest (How so-so is it?)
It’s so so-so that . . . / Plus disparaging tweets about historical
"Donald Trump is so annoying that ... " -- a joke that got ink in The
Style Invitaitonal ... in 1993. (Bob Staake /for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning trash-tweets about
*/All from Style Invitational Week 21, August 1993:/ *
*The White House staff is so inexperienced that it has never “been” with
another staff. (Meg Sullivan) *
*D.C. streets are so badly maintained they have more potholes than Jerry
Garcia’s sofa. (Robin Grove)*
You have a golden opportunity to win this lovely mug, this week's second
prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )
*Donald Trump is so annoying that Amnesty International wants him beaten
and locked up. (Tom Gearty)*
When the results of this week’s contest run, The Style Invitational will
have turned 24 years old. And since Week 1 — in virtually every kind of
contest we’ve come up with — entrants to the Invite have always figured
out a way to slip in zingy jokes about politics, celebrities and
whatever else was grabbing headlines that week. This week the Empress
reprises a contest we hadn’t done since Year 1. The results
were almost all about current events — but as you see above, some of
them have proved remarkably long-lived, even if they were referring to
the start of the Clinton administration and some loudmouth casino mogul.
*This week: Write a humorous exaggeration in the form “x is so y that .
. . ” *as in the examples above.
*WEEK 1214 UPDATE: * The Empress was alerted a few days ago by alert
non-Loser Rich Strimel that the transcript of the inaugural address
we’re using for the *Week 1214 *contest
contained a typo: It said “they will their heart”; it should be “they
fill their heart.” It’s now correct at *bit.ly/trump-address*.
Deadline is still Tuesday night, Feb. 21.
*Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1215
* (all lowercase).
*Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place gets a little white toilet-shaped mug promoting
“King of Thrones,” a 2013 cable series on bathroom renovations that was
so quickly forgotten, it lacks a Wikipedia entry. Donated by WaPo TV
critic Hank Stuever, who knows what to do with promotional toilet mugs
that come his way. AND the E will toss in “Rattlesnake Poop”
(chocolate-covered sunflower seeds), donated by Cheryl Davis, AND “Moose
Droppings” (little chocolate nuggets), donated by Duncan Stevens.
*Other runners-up *win the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs”
or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 27; results
published March 19 (online March 16). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead
is by Jeff Contompasis. This week’s contest is based on a suggestion by
Ken Gallant. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*YOUR TWEETING HAR: REPORT FROM WEEK 1211*
In *Week 1211, *inspired by, oh, I don’t
know, we asked for disparaging tweets of celebrated historical or
literary figures. Some of the inking entries below were “written” by
particular people; if there isn’t an attribution, think of them as
coming from any old time-warped (and otherwise warped) shallow
narcissist with a ridiculous sense of perspective.
*@OskarSchindler* so inept! Factories lost money. Freeloader “workers”
didn’t build munitions. On my weak list. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
If *@Muhammad* is such a big deal, why isn’t his picture on any coins?
Not to mention six-foot portraits. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
2nd place and the Fishin’ for Floaters bathtub game:
@VladP 1/20/17: Take that, *@Jim Henson.* #TheRealPuppetMaster (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
Looks like *@TheMessiah*’s getting delusions of grandeur. Thinks he’s
@RealDonaldTrump. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Social notwork: honorable mentions
Can’t believe *@TJefferson* spent $15M on Louisiana Territory! Very bad
deal. Should have just grabbed it and made France pay. (Gil Glass,
*@ALincoln, *so low-energy! 4 scores in 7 years? LAME! I can do better
at one pageant! (Sean Doherty, Silver Spring, Md., a First Offender)
Such a nasty woman,*@Cleopatra. *A real snake! Nice asp, though. (Chris
Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Clueless *@Julius* turned into Caesar salad, blames @2Brutus. Still
won’t call it by its name: Radical Pre-Islamic Terrorism. (Gary Crockett)
Hey,*@LudwigVB*, I hear you wrote another symphony. Too bad YOU can’t.
#okbadjoke (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Hey *@DurgCaveman,* you fire no big as me fire. GOL!
#ThargBestKnuckleDragger (Jesse Frankovich)
My @ColCusterCavalry is biggest! My secret plan is the best. I have
greatest hair ever. *#SittingBulls--t* will FAIL! (Art Grinath, Takoma
Delusional *@Dorothy*. Icky farmhand fantasies. And that mangy mutt!
#lockhimup — @ThE_Gulch (Kevin Dopart)
Dim bulb *@TAEdison* tries 9,000th filament, still nothing. I win
historic victory with #gaslighting. (Gary Crockett)
*@Edward VII*I, big league loser. Gave up throne for some p*. Throne
GETS you p*, dumb duke! (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)
Hey *@mc_escher*, I’m in your building but can’t seem to make it up
these damn stairs. Something is *@&( up. #NotUpToCode (Jeff Brechlin,
Apple Valley, Minn.)
*@FrodoBaggins* wasted perfectly good jewelry by throwing it in a
volcano. Give it to Goodwill and get the tax break! #dramaqueen (Duncan
*@Gandhi* u 2 skinny bra #haveaburger (Jamie Johnson, Fayetteville,
W.Va., a First Offender)
Some POTUS *@GWashington* turns out 2 be! There goes another silver $
into the river. #taxandspend — @Grover_Norquift (Beverley Sharp,
You’ve gotta see this *@FDR* guy -- what a lame leader. Lets his aides
push him around. Wife is a 2. Pathetic. (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.)
Saw *@HelenKeller* today. Called & waved to her but no acknowledgment.
Rude! Democrat? (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.)
Just 5K people, *@Jesus*? You even gave out fish sandwiches. My crowd
10,000x bigger — see the photo. (Hugh Thirlway, The Hague)
Failing fiddler *@JoshuaBell* plays in train stations, makes just $32!
Embarrassing. (Alison Candela, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)
Overrated *@Gehrig* “luckiest man”? Sorry, buddy, that position’s been
filled. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Only 1 life to give for his country? *@Nathan Hale* has no stamina!
(Frank Mann, Washington; Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.)
*@OliverTwist* always asking for more handouts! Welfare prince exploits
hard-working job creators. (Duncan Stevens)
*@Shakespeare:* All codpiece and naught but the limpest cod. –
@SirFrancisBacon (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
*@Spidey* sense? If he had any sense, he’d clear the webs from his head
and finally boink Mary Jane. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
*@Sun Tzu* says the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without
fighting. Wuss. — @GenghisK (Chris Doyle)
Rough Rider? Please,*@TRoosevelt. *@CatherineTheGr8 could ride better
upside down and backwards. — @VPutin (Jeff Hazle)
Hey, *@Yoda,* why can’t you use #TheForce to help you speak properly?
Because stupid you sound. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax)
@RealFDR, 12/5/1941: Emperor *@Hirohito* is totally overrated! More like
ZEROhito. (Eric LeVasseur, Seal Beach, Calif., a First Offender)
*@AlmightyGod* takes foreverrr to get to work, then quits in 6 days. All
the shows say he’s over. — @Lucifer (Kevin Dopart)
*@Hemingway *sober up and maybe then you could write a sentence of more
than six words before nodding off — @JamesJoyce
*@JamesJoyce,* it’s called punctuation. Try it some time. Ulysses = best
doorstop I never read. — @Hemingway (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)