Style Invitational Week 1215: A so-so contest (How so-so is it?)

It’s so so-so that . . . / Plus disparaging tweets about historical

"Donald Trump is so annoying that ... " -- a joke that got ink in The
Style Invitaitonal ... in 1993. (Bob Staake /for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

February 16

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning trash-tweets about
historical figures)

*/All from Style Invitational Week 21, August 1993:/ *

*The White House staff is so inexperienced that it has never “been” with
another staff. (Meg Sullivan) *

*D.C. streets are so badly maintained they have more potholes than Jerry
Garcia’s sofa. (Robin Grove)*

You have a golden opportunity to win this lovely mug, this week's second
prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )

*Donald Trump is so annoying that Amnesty International wants him beaten
and locked up. (Tom Gearty)*

When the results of this week’s contest run, The Style Invitational will
have turned 24 years old. And since Week 1 — in virtually every kind of
contest we’ve come up with — entrants to the Invite have always figured
out a way to slip in zingy jokes about politics, celebrities and
whatever else was grabbing headlines that week. This week the Empress
reprises a contest we hadn’t done since Year 1. The results
were almost all about current events — but as you see above, some of
them have proved remarkably long-lived, even if they were referring to
the start of the Clinton administration and some loudmouth casino mogul.
*This week: Write a humorous exaggeration in the form “x is so y that .
. . ” *as in the examples above.

*WEEK 1214 UPDATE: * The Empress was alerted a few days ago by alert
non-Loser Rich Strimel that the transcript of the inaugural address
we’re using for the *Week 1214 *contest
contained a typo: It said “they will their heart”; it should be “they
fill their heart.” It’s now correct at **.
Deadline is still Tuesday night, Feb. 21.

*Submit entries at this website: * *
* (all lowercase).

*Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place gets a little white toilet-shaped mug promoting
“King of Thrones,” a 2013 cable series on bathroom renovations that was
so quickly forgotten, it lacks a Wikipedia entry. Donated by WaPo TV
critic Hank Stuever, who knows what to do with promotional toilet mugs
that come his way. AND the E will toss in “Rattlesnake Poop”
(chocolate-covered sunflower seeds), donated by Cheryl Davis, AND “Moose
Droppings” (little chocolate nuggets), donated by Duncan Stevens.

*Other runners-up *win the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs”
Loser mug

or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 27; results
published March 19 (online March 16). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead
is by Jeff Contompasis. This week’s contest is based on a suggestion by
Ken Gallant. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ./ “Like” Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

In *Week 1211, *inspired by, oh, I don’t
know, we asked for disparaging tweets of celebrated historical or
literary figures. Some of the inking entries below were “written” by
particular people; if there isn’t an attribution, think of them as
coming from any old time-warped (and otherwise warped) shallow
narcissist with a ridiculous sense of perspective.

4th place

*@OskarSchindler* so inept! Factories lost money. Freeloader “workers”
didn’t build munitions. On my weak list. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

3rd place

If *@Muhammad* is such a big deal, why isn’t his picture on any coins?
Not to mention six-foot portraits. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

2nd place and the Fishin’ for Floaters bathtub game:

@VladP 1/20/17: Take that, *@Jim Henson.* #TheRealPuppetMaster (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

Looks like *@TheMessiah*’s getting delusions of grandeur. Thinks he’s
@RealDonaldTrump. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Social notwork: honorable mentions

Can’t believe *@TJefferson* spent $15M on Louisiana Territory! Very bad
deal. Should have just grabbed it and made France pay. (Gil Glass,

*@ALincoln, *so low-energy! 4 scores in 7 years? LAME! I can do better
at one pageant! (Sean Doherty, Silver Spring, Md., a First Offender)

Such a nasty woman,*@Cleopatra. *A real snake! Nice asp, though. (Chris
Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Clueless *@Julius* turned into Caesar salad, blames @2Brutus. Still
won’t call it by its name: Radical Pre-Islamic Terrorism. (Gary Crockett)

Hey,*@LudwigVB*, I hear you wrote another symphony. Too bad YOU can’t.
#okbadjoke (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)

Hey *@DurgCaveman,* you fire no big as me fire. GOL!
#ThargBestKnuckleDragger (Jesse Frankovich)

My @ColCusterCavalry is biggest! My secret plan is the best. I have
greatest hair ever. *#SittingBulls--t* will FAIL! (Art Grinath, Takoma
Park, Md.)

Delusional *@Dorothy*. Icky farmhand fantasies. And that mangy mutt!
#lockhimup — @ThE_Gulch (Kevin Dopart)

Dim bulb *@TAEdison* tries 9,000th filament, still nothing. I win
historic victory with #gaslighting. (Gary Crockett)

*@Edward VII*I, big league loser. Gave up throne for some p*. Throne
GETS you p*, dumb duke! (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)

Hey *@mc_escher*, I’m in your building but can’t seem to make it up
these damn stairs. Something is *@&( up. #NotUpToCode (Jeff Brechlin,
Apple Valley, Minn.)

*@FrodoBaggins* wasted perfectly good jewelry by throwing it in a
volcano. Give it to Goodwill and get the tax break! #dramaqueen (Duncan

*@Gandhi* u 2 skinny bra #haveaburger (Jamie Johnson, Fayetteville,
W.Va., a First Offender)

Some POTUS *@GWashington* turns out 2 be! There goes another silver $
into the river. #taxandspend — @Grover_Norquift (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)

You’ve gotta see this *@FDR* guy -- what a lame leader. Lets his aides
push him around. Wife is a 2. Pathetic. (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.)

Saw *@HelenKeller* today. Called & waved to her but no acknowledgment.
Rude! Democrat? (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.)

Just 5K people, *@Jesus*? You even gave out fish sandwiches. My crowd
10,000x bigger — see the photo. (Hugh Thirlway, The Hague)

Failing fiddler *@JoshuaBell* plays in train stations, makes just $32!
Embarrassing. (Alison Candela, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)

Overrated *@Gehrig* “luckiest man”? Sorry, buddy, that position’s been
filled. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

Only 1 life to give for his country? *@Nathan Hale* has no stamina!
(Frank Mann, Washington; Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.)

*@OliverTwist* always asking for more handouts! Welfare prince exploits
hard-working job creators. (Duncan Stevens)

*@Shakespeare:* All codpiece and naught but the limpest cod. –
@SirFrancisBacon (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

*@Spidey* sense? If he had any sense, he’d clear the webs from his head
and finally boink Mary Jane. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

*@Sun Tzu* says the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without
fighting. Wuss. — @GenghisK (Chris Doyle)

Rough Rider? Please,*@TRoosevelt. *@CatherineTheGr8 could ride better
upside down and backwards. — @VPutin (Jeff Hazle)

Hey, *@Yoda,* why can’t you use #TheForce to help you speak properly?
Because stupid you sound. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax)

@RealFDR, 12/5/1941: Emperor *@Hirohito* is totally overrated! More like
ZEROhito. (Eric LeVasseur, Seal Beach, Calif., a First Offender)

*@AlmightyGod* takes foreverrr to get to work, then quits in 6 days. All
the shows say he’s over. — @Lucifer (Kevin Dopart)

*@Hemingway *sober up and maybe then you could write a sentence of more
than six words before nodding off — @JamesJoyce
*@JamesJoyce,* it’s called punctuation. Try it some time. Ulysses = best
doorstop I never read. — @Hemingway (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)