Style Invitational Week 1211: Write us the best tweets in history

Disparage a laudable figure of the past or present; plus winning
creative crossword clues

(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers

January 19

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning creative crossword clues)

This week’s contest was suggested by 166-time Loser Howard Walderman.
The Empress has /no/ idea what might have inspired him. This week:*Write
a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces)
about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional, * as
in the example above. You may attribute it to anyone. Please don’t
actually post it on Twitter until we post the results of this contest.

*Submit entries at this website: * *
* (all lowercase).

*Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place gets, apropos of the dignity of this week’s subject
matter, receives Fishin’ for Floaters,

a bathtub game in which the child (presumably) uses a little rod and net
to snag some googly-eyed foam poos. Donated by Nan Reiner.

The Style Invitational will not stoop to discussing "golden showers,"
but we will happily give out a prize useful for bathtub-cleaning.

*Other runners-up *win the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs”
Loser mug

or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
“Magnum Dopus.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Jan. 30; results
published Feb. 19 (online Feb. 16). See general contest rules and
guidelines at . The headline
for this week’s results is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Jon Gearhart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at / ./ “Like”
the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /; /
follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

In Week 1207 we asked you to supply creative
clues for any of the words in a grid by Washington Post Sunday crossword
constructor Evan Birnholz; here are the best among them. (To see Evan’s
original clever clues, go to
and scroll down to the blank grid.)

that you have to look at many of these clues flexibly; even the hint “2
wds” might mean that one of them is an abbreviation (e.g., “Ew, OK”) or
a single letter (“Alp O”).

4th place:

*CHESTS:* Besides booty, what pirates and pageants have in common (Jeff
Hazle, San Antonio.)

3rd place

*ALPO:* “What is ___ ?” — Gary Johnson to starving dog (Dave Matuskey,

The grid that provided this week’s words. To see Evan’s own clues from
2014, go to and scroll down to the blank grid. (Grid
by Evan Birnholz/
2nd place

/and the Chia Homer
plant-growing sculpture:/
*AKA:* Three letters few imagined would ever appear between “The Leader
of the Free World” and “The Donald” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*PLETHORA:* “Daffy Duck requethts the ___ your company at the marriage
of his daughter.” (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

Nada clue: honorable mentions

*ITSATRAP: *Where the music scene is these days (3 wds) (Mae Scanlan,

*MEINHERR:* Fraulein’s excuse: “Sorry, I have to wash ____” (2 wds)
(George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)

*IPHONE:* What I do when the telegraph’s down (2 wds) (Steve Fahey,
Kensington, Md.)

*SENTENCE:* The only instance where commuting is a relief (Bruce Ryan,
Bellevue, Wash., a First Offender)

*DEIDRE: *Latin for “Headphones of God” (2 wds) (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma
Park, Md.)

*CITE:* Shift all blame to previous researchers (Peter Boice, Rockville,

*CITE:* What Dan Quayle enjoyed flying as a child (Dave Matuskey)

*LPS: *Scalped scalps (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*AWFUL:* Like a new parent’s Facebook page (Leonard Williams, Fort
Wayne, Ind.)

*ALAS:* The Nationals’ traditional season-ending cheer (Jeff Hazle)

*ALAS:* Chicken King and Pie Mode (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)

*SPITS:* Next baseball stat they’ll track? (Michael Rosen, New York)

*HEARSES: * Box cars (Jeff Hazle; Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*HEARSES: * Practices only once (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*IDOTOO:* How I make two circles look like boobs (3 wds, sort of) (Steve
Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*ITALY:* Home of the leera (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

*AKA:* What a Bostonian might use to get around (2 wds) (Duncan Stevens)

*ELSE:* The alternative that no kid is brave enough to make Mom use
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*SOBS: * Tear/jerks (Danielle Nowlin; Chris Doyle)

*SOBS: *Textspeak to reply to your no-count boyfriend’s excuses (2 wds)
(Jesse Frankovich)

*IDARESAY:* Expression seldom heard in N. Korea (3 wds) (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala. )

*TORSOS:* Greek island famous for topless beaches (Mark Raffman, Reston,

*NECKLINE:* When this goes down, eyebrows go up (Hildy Zampella)

*NECKLINE:* “Wanna make out?” (Mark Raffman)

*SWEETENS:* Try these if M&M’s are too bitter for you (David Peckarsky,

*TEE:* Devo follower (Chris Doyle)

*SINCLAIR:* Response of zero men to “Who’s your favorite Upton”? (Mark

*THETA:* “Who do I have to sleep with to pass this class?” (2 wds) (Ward
Kay, Vienna, Va.)

*THETA:* It’s inside Mrs. Cyclops’s bra (2 wds) (Mark Raffman)

*RENEWS:* What you hear from the Glass-Enclosed Nerve Center

if you listen more than 10 minutes (Lindsay McClelland, Fairfax, Va.)

*RENEWS:* What happens when Stimpy passes gas (2 wds) (Bruce Alter,
Fairfax Station, Va.)

*PRELUDE: * Part of a visit with Cosby that both parties can remember
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*APE:* What some people go when mimicked (Loyd Dillon, Charlotte, a
First Offender)

*GODARK:* The Trump yacht (2 wds) (Barry Sackin, Murrieta, Calif.)

*PLETHORA: *A whole gang of Israeli folk dancers (Elliott Shevin, Oak
Park, Mich.)

*HASH:* How the librarian responded when she liked your joke (2 wds)
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*ALPO:* A “peak” achieved on the Matterhorn — the real Mile High Club (2
wds) (Jeff Shirley)

*FIRSTAID: *Birch brash, but ___ (2 wds) (Steve Langer)

*STRIPTEASE:* Patron saint of fart jokes (Jesse Frankovich)

*STRIPTEASE:* Will Blondie get in the tub with Dagwood? Find out
tomorrow! (Ricardo Rodriguez, Springfield, Va.)

*EWOK:* “That’s disgusting! . . . Oh, what the heck, let’s do it” (2
wds) (Seth Christenfeld, New York, a First Offender)

*EWOK:* Range of response to the “Access Hollywood” tape (hyph) (Dave
Silberstein, College Park, Md.)

*EWOK:* “Mr. Fudd, where did you say Baghdad was?” (Jesse Frankovich)

*SEGA:* Genesis of Genesis (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)

*SEGA:* What Benjamin Button does backward (John Hutchins, Silver
Spring, Md.)

*CHESTS: * What plastic surgeons get their treasure from (Jesse Frankovich)

*CHESTS: * What Guevara wore under his dress shirts (2 wds) (Chris Doyle)

*HILTON:* Quality control check at Swords R Us (2 wds) (Duncan Stevens)

*UNSURE:* An odorant/pro-perspirant (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*UNSURE: *Nikki Haley’s response when Trump offered her a job (2 wds)
(Steve Glomb)

*ALSACE: * What wasn’t up Gore’s sleeve in 2000 (2 wds) (Kevin Dopart,

*ITSY:* Site where DJT buys his custom-made gloves (Barry Sackin)

*ANN: *What the cattle brand looks like at the Lazy Z Ranch (2 wds) (Liz
Thelander, Bend, Ore., a First Offender)

*YES:* Type of man dictators prefer (Howard Walderman)

*YES: *Being English, they couldn’t title their big hit “Traffic Circle”
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Jan. 23: our “joint legislation”
contest. See *