Style Invitational Week 1211: Write us the best tweets in history
Disparage a laudable figure of the past or present; plus winning
creative crossword clues
(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers By Pat Myers
Entertainment
January 19
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning creative crossword clues)
This week’s contest was suggested by 166-time Loser Howard Walderman.
The Empress has /no/ idea what might have inspired him. This week:*Write
a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces)
about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional, * as
in the example above. You may attribute it to anyone. Please don’t
actually post it on Twitter until we post the results of this contest.
*Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1211
* (all lowercase).
*Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,*
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place gets, apropos of the dignity of this week’s subject
matter, receives Fishin’ for Floaters,
a bathtub game in which the child (presumably) uses a little rod and net
to snag some googly-eyed foam poos. Donated by Nan Reiner.
The Style Invitational will not stoop to discussing "golden showers,"
but we will happily give out a prize useful for bathtub-cleaning.
*Other runners-up *win the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs”
Loser mug
or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our new
lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind”
or
“Magnum Dopus.”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink
for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Jan. 30; results
published Feb. 19 (online Feb. 16). See general contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline
for this week’s results is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions
subhead is by Jon Gearhart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like”
the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; /
follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*CAUGHT IN THE CROSS-HARS: REPORT FROM WEEK 1207*
In Week 1207 we asked you to supply creative
clues for any of the words in a grid by Washington Post Sunday crossword
constructor Evan Birnholz; here are the best among them. (To see Evan’s
original clever clues, go to bit.ly/devilcross2
and scroll down to the blank grid.)
Note
that you have to look at many of these clues flexibly; even the hint “2
wds” might mean that one of them is an abbreviation (e.g., “Ew, OK”) or
a single letter (“Alp O”).
4th place:
*CHESTS:* Besides booty, what pirates and pageants have in common (Jeff
Hazle, San Antonio.)
3rd place
*ALPO:* “What is ___ ?” — Gary Johnson to starving dog (Dave Matuskey,
Sacramento)
The grid that provided this week’s words. To see Evan’s own clues from
2014, go to bit.ly/devilcross2 and scroll down to the blank grid. (Grid
by Evan Birnholz/DevilCross.com)
2nd place
/and the Chia Homer
(Simpson)
plant-growing sculpture:/
*AKA:* Three letters few imagined would ever appear between “The Leader
of the Free World” and “The Donald” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*PLETHORA:* “Daffy Duck requethts the ___ your company at the marriage
of his daughter.” (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)
Nada clue: honorable mentions
*ITSATRAP: *Where the music scene is these days (3 wds) (Mae Scanlan,
Washington)
*MEINHERR:* Fraulein’s excuse: “Sorry, I have to wash ____” (2 wds)
(George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)
*IPHONE:* What I do when the telegraph’s down (2 wds) (Steve Fahey,
Kensington, Md.)
*SENTENCE:* The only instance where commuting is a relief (Bruce Ryan,
Bellevue, Wash., a First Offender)
*DEIDRE: *Latin for “Headphones of God” (2 wds) (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma
Park, Md.)
*CITE:* Shift all blame to previous researchers (Peter Boice, Rockville,
Md.)
*CITE:* What Dan Quayle enjoyed flying as a child (Dave Matuskey)
*LPS: *Scalped scalps (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
*AWFUL:* Like a new parent’s Facebook page (Leonard Williams, Fort
Wayne, Ind.)
*ALAS:* The Nationals’ traditional season-ending cheer (Jeff Hazle)
*ALAS:* Chicken King and Pie Mode (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)
*SPITS:* Next baseball stat they’ll track? (Michael Rosen, New York)
*HEARSES: * Box cars (Jeff Hazle; Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
*HEARSES: * Practices only once (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
*IDOTOO:* How I make two circles look like boobs (3 wds, sort of) (Steve
Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)
*ITALY:* Home of the leera (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)
*AKA:* What a Bostonian might use to get around (2 wds) (Duncan Stevens)
*ELSE:* The alternative that no kid is brave enough to make Mom use
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
*SOBS: * Tear/jerks (Danielle Nowlin; Chris Doyle)
*SOBS: *Textspeak to reply to your no-count boyfriend’s excuses (2 wds)
(Jesse Frankovich)
*IDARESAY:* Expression seldom heard in N. Korea (3 wds) (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala. )
*TORSOS:* Greek island famous for topless beaches (Mark Raffman, Reston,
Va.)
*NECKLINE:* When this goes down, eyebrows go up (Hildy Zampella)
*NECKLINE:* “Wanna make out?” (Mark Raffman)
*SWEETENS:* Try these if M&M’s are too bitter for you (David Peckarsky,
Tucson)
*TEE:* Devo follower (Chris Doyle)
*SINCLAIR:* Response of zero men to “Who’s your favorite Upton”? (Mark
Raffman)
*THETA:* “Who do I have to sleep with to pass this class?” (2 wds) (Ward
Kay, Vienna, Va.)
*THETA:* It’s inside Mrs. Cyclops’s bra (2 wds) (Mark Raffman)
*RENEWS:* What you hear from the Glass-Enclosed Nerve Center
if you listen more than 10 minutes (Lindsay McClelland, Fairfax, Va.)
*RENEWS:* What happens when Stimpy passes gas (2 wds) (Bruce Alter,
Fairfax Station, Va.)
*PRELUDE: * Part of a visit with Cosby that both parties can remember
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
*APE:* What some people go when mimicked (Loyd Dillon, Charlotte, a
First Offender)
*GODARK:* The Trump yacht (2 wds) (Barry Sackin, Murrieta, Calif.)
*PLETHORA: *A whole gang of Israeli folk dancers (Elliott Shevin, Oak
Park, Mich.)
*HASH:* How the librarian responded when she liked your joke (2 wds)
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
*ALPO:* A “peak” achieved on the Matterhorn — the real Mile High Club (2
wds) (Jeff Shirley)
*FIRSTAID: *Birch brash, but ___ (2 wds) (Steve Langer)
*STRIPTEASE:* Patron saint of fart jokes (Jesse Frankovich)
*STRIPTEASE:* Will Blondie get in the tub with Dagwood? Find out
tomorrow! (Ricardo Rodriguez, Springfield, Va.)
*EWOK:* “That’s disgusting! . . . Oh, what the heck, let’s do it” (2
wds) (Seth Christenfeld, New York, a First Offender)
*EWOK:* Range of response to the “Access Hollywood” tape (hyph) (Dave
Silberstein, College Park, Md.)
*EWOK:* “Mr. Fudd, where did you say Baghdad was?” (Jesse Frankovich)
*SEGA:* Genesis of Genesis (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)
*SEGA:* What Benjamin Button does backward (John Hutchins, Silver
Spring, Md.)
*CHESTS: * What plastic surgeons get their treasure from (Jesse Frankovich)
*CHESTS: * What Guevara wore under his dress shirts (2 wds) (Chris Doyle)
*HILTON:* Quality control check at Swords R Us (2 wds) (Duncan Stevens)
*UNSURE:* An odorant/pro-perspirant (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
*UNSURE: *Nikki Haley’s response when Trump offered her a job (2 wds)
(Steve Glomb)
*ALSACE: * What wasn’t up Gore’s sleeve in 2000 (2 wds) (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)
*ITSY:* Site where DJT buys his custom-made gloves (Barry Sackin)
*ANN: *What the cattle brand looks like at the Lazy Z Ranch (2 wds) (Liz
Thelander, Bend, Ore., a First Offender)
*YES:* Type of man dictators prefer (Howard Walderman)
*YES: *Being English, they couldn’t title their big hit “Traffic Circle”
(Roy Ashley, Washington)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, Jan. 23: our “joint legislation”
contest. See bit.ly/invite1210 *