Style Invitational Week 1205: Here, at least, you can take a do-over
Enter any of the past year’s contests; plus winning Tour de Fours
Can you come up with a food pun as funny as Jon Gearhart's "Phlegm in
Meringue Pie"? Give it (or any of 50 other previous contests) a go. (Bob
Staake/For The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers Entertainment
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning Tour de Fours neologisms)
/ The winner of Week 1173, food puns:/ *
Phlegm in meringue pie: What you get when you’re nasty to your
waitress.* (Jon Gearhart)
/Winner of Week 1162, Onion-style headlines:/ *
ISIS Now Offering Tote Bag With 5-Year Membership * (Neal Starkman)
/Winner of Week 1161, bogus trivia about politicians:/ *To add some
levity to his second inauguration, President Clinton added “in bed”
under his breath to the phrases he repeated taking the oath of office.*
At least with The Style Invitational, if you really screwed it up the
first time, you can try it again without having to wait till 2020: Our
annual retrospective contest lets you enter one or more contests from
the past year. Not surprisingly, the Empress is overrun each year with
worthy entries spanning the scope of some 50 contests, and so this year,
for the first time, you get /two /chances:
“This text has no other purpose than to terrify those who are afraid of
the Arabic language.” (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
*This week AND next week: Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational
contest from Week 1149 to 1201, *except for Week 1152, last year’s
do-over contest. (Next week you can also try Week 1202.) You may enter
more than one contest as long as you don’t submit more than 25 entries
in all. For contests asking you to use that week’s paper, use papers and
online articles dated Dec. 8-19. For the obit poems, continue to write
about people who died in 2015. Yes, you may resubmit non-inking entries
from earlier contests.
*How to find all these contests: * **Go to
and click on each contest
(click on View More if you stop seeing contests). See this week’s Style
Conversational column for other options. And be sure to check the
results of that week’s contest (usually four weeks later) to make sure
your idea didn’t already get ink. Be sure to give the week number of the
contest you’re using.
** *Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1205
* (all lowercase).
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives this *fantastic tote bag
,* donated by Loser Barbara
Turner. The Arabic description translates as “This text has no other
purpose than to terrify those who are afraid of the Arabic language.”
*Other runners-up *win their choice of the yearned-for “This Is Your
Brain on Mugs” Loser mug
or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”
or “Falling Jest Short.”
First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 19; results
published Jan. 8 (online Jan. 5). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Beverley Sharp; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*JEST FOUR FUN: THE WINNING ‘TOUR DE FOURS’ NEOLOGISMS*
Week 1201* was our annual Tour de Fours neologism contest, in which you
coin a new term that includes a block of four given letters — this week,
*OVEN* — in any order, but with no other letters between them.
the Greater Loser Community found ways to lament the events of this past
*Menevolent: *Beneficial only to the male half of the population. “Our
boss is positively menevolent with the arctic thermostat settings in the
office.” (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
*Wonton Eve:* Traditional night before Christmas for Jewish families.
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
and the cow-spotted ceramic mug with an udder:
*Venommmm:* Something you know is very bad for you but tastes oh so very
good. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*Havenous:* Desperate for more and more acquisitions. “Vicky’s still
shopping — we went by Tiffany’s and she got all havenous.” (Duncan
Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Fair ENOV: honorable mentions
*Nov-embers: *What’s left of many people’s hope after the election.
(Andy Promisel, Fairfax, Va.)
*Intravenous de Milo:* Tragic victim of Greece’s first blood drive.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
*Supine ova: * How biologists order eggs sunny side up. (Jon Gearhart,
*RefuseToMoveOn.org:* Perhaps a better name for the sender of those
recount petitions. (Annette Green, Lexington, Va.)
*L’oven spoonful:* That last bite of raw dough before you bake the
cookies. (Cindi Rae Caron, Blowing Rock, N.C.)
*Un-evolve:* Who’d have thought that mankind would start to do this?
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)
*Neo-vent: *The “new one” that some people threaten to tear. (Tom Witte)
*Heave-Not: * A member of Bulimics Anonymous. (Chris Doyle)
*“On, venison!”: *Santa’s cry that left the reindeer team on edge.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
*Heaven on Deck:* Purgatory. (Steve Fahey, Kensington, Md.)
*Beano Evil:* The fourth wise monkey, depicted with his hands over his
rear end. (Chris Doyle)
*Big Apple Turnover:* The requisite chaos whenever our new president
comes home for the weekend. (Nathanael Dewhurst, Lynn, Mass.)
*Cup o’ Venom:* Instant lunch at the Breitbart cafeteria. (Mark Raffman,
/*Everyone v. Donald J. Trump:* / Future class action? (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
*Evonka Holdings: *Suspiciously named firm designated to manage the
“blind trust.” (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)
*IV-oenophile:* An extreme wine lover. (Jack McBroom, Fort Valley, Va.)
*Oenovile:* A connoisseur of Ripple. (Chris Doyle)
*Molotov enema:* When a gentle laxative just isn’t doing the trick.
(Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.)
*No-Environment:* The mission of the next EPA chief? (William Joyner,
Chapel Hill, N.C.)
*Novellatweet:* All 140 characters. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
*Ovenator:* Me during menopause (according to my husband). (Cindi Rae
*#HaveNoShame:* Hashtag appropriated daily by the next administration.
*Vote, then vomit: * Exorcise your franchise! (Dudley Thompson)
*Slovenial: *Type of pardonable sin, such as posing in the nude, working
without the right visa, etc. (Ann Martin, Falls Church, Va.)
*Pornoverse:* A huge enterprise that would be nothing without the big
bang. (Jesse Frankovich)
*Ten over: * What comes right before “You’re fired” in a message from
Donald’s divorce lawyer. (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)
*Venomenon: * A prodigy at nastiness. “Little Donnie has already cursed
out all the other kindergartners — and the teacher, too.” (Matt Monitto,
/And Last: / *Neovite: *A Style Invitational First Offender. (Jeff
Hazle, San Antonio; Kevin Dopart, Washington; Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 12: Our contest for “silver
linings” to comfort (or “comfort”) someone who’s less than thrilled
about last month’s election results. See bit.ly/invite-1204.