The Washington Post


Quip on the draw: The Style Invitational’s winning cartoon captions

Plus new for Week 1201: See what you NOVE in our Tour de Fours
neologism contest

By Pat Myers Entertainment
November 10

(Click here to skip down <#report> to this week’s new neologism contest,
the annual Tour de Fours)

REPORT FROM WEEK 1197: In Week 1197 * we asked for captions for any
of these Bob Staake cartoons.

Remember, the entry deadline was well
before Election Day. Whoever it was who described the woman in Picture 4
as Melania Trump . . . wha?

4th place

/Picture 2: /Everyone said Crocs weren’t very stylish but comfortable to
wear; Frank’s experience, though, was exactly the opposite. (Larry Gray,
Union Bridge, Md.)

3rd place

/Picture 3: /“Oh, crap. I hate backing out of parking spaces.” (Hildy
Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

No, the milk doesn't come out the udder tucked under this ceramic mug,
this week's second prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
2nd place and the faux- ‘primitive’ surfer figurine:

/Picture 1: / //Although pleased with his ice cream cone head and
drumstick ears, Buffet the Clown was less sure about the haggis nose.
(Jerry Birchmore, Springfield, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

/Picture 4:/ “Grab them by the uvula. You can do anything you want when
you’re famous.” (Steven Steele Cawman, Poughquag, N.Y.)

Art depreciation: honorable mentions
(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)


“I’m not breaking up with you; I’d just like to see other faces.” (Art
Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

Donald Trump Jr. wonders about letting in just one Skittle. (Ralph
Nitkin, Rockville, Md.)

“Mama always said that if I didn’t quit playing with it, it was gonna
fall off.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Bobo wonders if the five-second rule applies to body parts. (Chuck
Salerno, Chelmsford, Mass., a First Offender; Roger Dalrymple,
Gettysburg, Pa.)

A big blob of blood comes out of Donald’s wherever after an alley
meeting with Megyn. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Medieval court jesters were often required to spite their faces. (Art

When Blinky was expelled from Klown Kollege, he just went to pieces.
(Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

Bubbles wondered how the nine circus clowns would fit inside the
Mini-Beetle. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Fredo’s balloon animal poops weren’t the hit he’d imagined. (Cindi Rae
Caron, Blowing Rock, N.C.)

Mike knows he shouldn’t pick someone else’s nose, but when in need ...
(Roger Dalrymple)

Even for a clown, it’s no laughing matter when your prostate falls out.
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

The end of Coco’s career found him working at a tiny one-ring circus.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)


“I’m a litigator, not a crocodile!” (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

“I suppose your mother told you she was a bit wild back in college?”
“Um, yeah. Nice to finally meet you, Dad.” (Hildy Zampella)

The two attorneys were naturally drawn to pro boscis cases. (Dave
Prevar, Annapolis)

The IRS’s newest investigator decides to poke his nose in the Caimans.
(Doug Frank)

“If you think it’s such a hostile takeover, why don’t you walk?” (Dan
Kinney, Charlottesville)

The new Grand Floridian Resort gateway arch was designed by Stephan
Pastis. (Kevin Dopart,

Jim didn’t quite understand when he heard that gaiters were coming back
into vogue. (Larry Gray)

Ambulance Chaser’s Success Tip No. 4: The pre-meeting breath check.
(Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

“Bob mistakenly thought the “alligator, briefcase” listing was for an
alligator briefcase. (John Hutchins)

(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)


NASA soon gave up on planning April 1 launches. (Pam Sweeney,
Burlington, Mass.)

The order to “aim rockets at China” appeared to have been
misinterpreted. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

“My ex-wife was right — I /am / going straight to Hell!” (Michele Uhler,
Fort Washington, Md.)

Ever vigilant, Capt. Wilbur detected that someone had mounted the
rocket’s flag upside down. (Steve Fahey, Kensington, Md.; Warren Tanabe;
Dave Prevar)

Cash-strapped NASA begins drilling for oil. (John Hutchins)

“Your software update is complete.” (Roger Strauss, Silver Spring, Md.,
a First Offender)

Biff still wasn’t convinced that an expedition to the sun was a good
idea, even if done at night and backward. (Frank Osen)

Those literal-minded engineers misinterpreted NASA’s “Back to the Moon”
program. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

“When I said, ‘We’ve got to turn this program around,’ I didn’t mean
this.” (Jack Turner, Milford, Del.)

“Liftoff in T minus 3, 4, 5 . . .” (Nick Semanko, Washington, a First
Offender; Warren Tanabe)

NASA’s reverse-engineering effort seemed fraught with confusion. (Howard
Walderman, Columbia)

There’s a difference between “moon rocket” and “moon, rocket.” (Kevin

(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)


Even at age 67, Gene Simmons still has groupies. (Tom Witte, Montgomery
Hills, Md.)

“What do you mean your tapeworm doesn’t like my lasagna?” (Jennifer
Dickey, Silver Spring, Md.)

Margie caught the linguine thief right in the act. (Roger Dalrymple)

If your wife tells you to watch your tongue, NEVER sass back, “Just how
can you do that?” (Dave Prevar)

Problem: Foulmouthed politician. Solution: Soap on a rope. (Ben Aronin,

“I told you that was no way to get rid of a sex tape!” (Jennifer Dickey)

“I love you, Harold, but it’s high time you got one of those
self-starting brains.” (Nathanael Dewhurst, Lynn, Mass.)

(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post )

* **It’s always awkward asking someone to dance. (Art Grinath)

*Still running — deadline Monday, Nov. 14: Our contest for wry “Devil’s
Dictionary” definitions. See
. *

And this week’s new contest:


*NEVO*LUTION: *The science-denier’s theory of human development. *

L*OVE-N*UMB: *Suffering the results of extended lip-lock. *

It’s a neologism contest that the Empress has run in each year of her
sorry regime celebrated reign, each time with a different set of four
letters: *Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block
N-O-V-E * (hey, it’s November) and describe it, as in the examples
above; *the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other
letters between them (you may insert a space or hyphen).* Feel free to
use it in a funny sentence, especially since several other people might
coin the same word you did, and the funniest description is going to get
the ink.

*Submit entries at the website
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives this purebred Holstein black and white
ceramic mug with a little pink ceramic udder between its little
mug-legs. Donated by Loser Every Year Since Year 1 Elden Carnahan, who
thought he might have won it in the Invite way back when, but we don’t
think he can pin this one on us.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of the yearned-for “This Is Your
Brain on Mugs” Loser mug

or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 21; results
published Dec. 11 (online Dec. 8). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See general contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Kevin Dopart; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the
lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter Week 1201, check it out at