WEEK 1200: THE DEFINITIVE DOZEN

Give us a wry 12-word ‘Devil’s Dictionary’ entry; plus Hyphen the
Terrible neologism winners




"In closing": Oratorical flourish meaning "I will now speak 15 more
minutes." (Bob Staake/For The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers Entertainment
November 3



(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “Hyphen the Terrible”
neologisms)

*“In closing”: Oratorical flourish meaning “I will now speak 15 more
minutes.” *(Peter Metrinko)

*Global warming: Leftist plot to destroy Americans’ God-given right to
destroy.* (Mark Naimark)

*Historical revisionism: Now the past has been torched by a new
generation. * (Phil Frankenfeld)

After no one would volunteer to model this hat at the last Loser brunch,
the Empress just made a selfie. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)

The Empress can’t quite believe it, either, but The Style Invitational
has reached Week 1200 and we’re still here. We’ll commemorate it in our
time-honored way: by ripping off an earlier contest. *This week: Supply
a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or
description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12
words, *as in the examples above from Week 860 in 2010, when we asked
for the same thing, but with the definition exactly 10 words. Two words
joined with a hyphen will count as two words. Use an existing term;
don’t make up a neologism.

*Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1200
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives this adorable crocheted olive-green ski
mask with a multitude of crocheted tentacles curling below the eye
holes, a la Cthulhu of H.P. Lovecraft or perhaps an Ood of “Doctor Who.”
Donated by John “Ed” Edwards of Surrey, England.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 14; results
published Dec. 4 (online Dec. 1). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The “Split Hars” headline for this week’s
results is by Danielle Nowlin; the honorable-mentions subhead is by
William Kennard. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.**

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*SPLIT HARS: WINNING ‘HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE’ NEOLOGISMS FROM WEEK 1196*
** *In Week 1196, * one of our
recurring*“Hyphen the Terrible”* contests, we asked the Greater Loser
Community to look through the pages of The Post or another publication
for hyphens between two words or within a word (often when a word breaks
at the end of a line), and then combine either side of the hyphen with
either side of another hyphenated term.

The neologisms below are mostly
from The Post, though entrants also curled up with line endings from a
host of other rags, among them the Hartford Courant, the Boston Globe,
the Maryland Independent, the Martinsburg (W.Va.) Journal, the Boone,
N.C., Mountain Times and, not to be forgotten, the West Plains (Mo.)
Daily Quill. Vive small papers — long may they hyph-enate.

4th place

/(hem-orrhoid + mem-oir)/ *Hemoir:* A life story that comes to a painful
end. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

3rd place

/(hill-sides + Clin-ton)/ *Hillton:* A hotel where your efforts to check
into it are always thwarted by the lady behind the desk. (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

2nd place

and the Donald Talking Pen
:

/(miscon-duct/ + /con-tinued) / *Miscontinued:* Dug a hole and kept
digging. “Despite warnings from aides, the nominee miscontinued his
sexist remarks.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

/(assess-ment + in-formation)/ *Assessin:* Someone who kills good ideas
by saying, “I think we need to study this more.” (Jeff Contompasis)

Low-phens: honorable mentions

/(ad-dress + en-joy)/ *Ad-joy:* Unalloyed ecstasy seen in infomercials,
usually directed at small kitchen appliances. (John Hutchins, Silver
Spring, Md.)

/(low-income + ro-mances)/ *Lowmances: * One-night stands at the
EconoLodge. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)

/(constipa-tion + in-roads)/ *Constiparoads: * I-270 and I-66 on a
Friday evening. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

/(esca-lation + flash-lights)/ *Escalights: *Rival neighbors’ ever more
ostentatious annual Christmas displays. (Jeff Contompasis)

/(evangeli-cal + per-functory)/ *Evangelifunctory: * Paying lip service
to conservative Christian principles. “Before introducing Mr. Trump, Mr.
Falwell made some evangelifunctory remarks about upholding strong family
values.” (Duncan Stevens)

/(strip-ping + spec-ulation)/ *Stripulation: *“I’ll show you mine if you
show me yours.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

/(inflamma-tory + of-fense)/ *Inflammafense:* A huge faux pas, e.g.,
hooking up with the boss’s husband at the office Christmas party. (John
Hutchins)

/(Woo-lever, name of a funeral home + low-reaching)/ *Woo-reaching:* The
“courtship” of grabbing a woman’s whatever. (Jesse Frankovich)

// /(middle-class + pas-sionately) / *Class-sionately:* With great
intensity but with civility, as in a debate. /(Obsolete.)/ (Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

/(neuro-surgeon + Euro-pean) / *Neuropean:* Le Woody Allen. (Gary Crockett)

/(pyro-technic + sym-phonic) / *PyroPhonic: *What Samsung is going to
call its new audio system. (Cindi Rae Caron, Blowing Rock, N.C.)

/(red-light-cam-era + per-sons)/ *Red-light-camper:* A popular stop with
Appalachian Tail hikers. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

/(sin-ister + Sun-day)/ *Sinday:* Every day of the week on the Gomorran
calendar. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

/(congres-sional + inves-tigated) / *Congrestigated:* Having had 3,194
questions asked in 33 hearings at a taxpayer cost of $23 million to find
zero administrative wrongdoing. (Jesse Frankovich)

/(humani-ty + Abra-ham) / *Humani-Ham:* The marketing department
rejected this original name for Soylent Green. (John Hutchins)

/(ill-informed + technol-ogy) / *Illogy:* An unending series of
sickening movies. “The ‘Saw’ illogy isn’t likely to stop at seven.”
(John Hutchins)

/(disas-trous + as-pirations)/ *Disaspirations:* “I will build a great,
great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that
wall.” (Jesse Frankovich)

/(argu-ment + anni-versary)/ *Arguversary: * A special occasion in which
each half of a committed couple swears hearing the other one offer to
make dinner reservations. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

/(wealthi-est + under-way) / *Wealthi-way:* The HOT lanes on the
interstate. (Jeff Contompasis)

/(Demo-crat + Dem-ocrats) / *Cratocrats:* Class of leaders who lead
because they are in the leader class. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

/(di-rector + doz-ens) / *Rector-doz:* A sermon so boring that even the
pastor falls asleep. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

/(dis-tricts + de-stroyed) / *Dis-stroyed:* Lost badly trading Mama
insults while playing the dozens. (Jeff Contompasis)

/(endo-metrial + four-inches) / *Endo-inches:* thisclose (Cindi Rae Caron)

/(gro-cery + cam-paign) / *Gropaign:* A great strategy for reaching
female voters. (Kevin Dopart)

/(laugh-ter + fran-chise) / *Laugh-chise:* The Cleveland Browns. (Duncan
Stevens)

/(medi-cal + con-tractor) / *MediTractor:* The device used by your
former proctologist. (Margaret Welsh, Oakton, Va.)

/(millenni-als + af-fordable) / *Millenni-fordable:* A burger, a brew
and a basement. (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

/(Euro-pean + neuro-surgeon)/ *Eurosurgeon: * One of the officials who
will perform the Brexit procedure (a.k.a. “Eubris”). (Gary Crockett)

/(pop-lar + in-juries)/ *Pop-juries: * Whoever these people are who take
online surveys. “According to the pop-jury surveyed by Clickbait
Consultants, Americans are greatly concerned that Kanye West was not
elected secretary general of the United Nations.” (Drew Bennett, West
Plains, Mo.)



/(Nothing-ness + rock-and-roll) / *Nothing-and-roll: * A sandwich in the
All-Gluten Diet. (Mark Raffman)

/(sex-ed + Got- terdämmerung)/ *Sex-terdämmerung:* Weinergate. (Chris
Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

(pre-occupation + re-morse) *Premorse: * Feeling bad about something you
haven’t even done — yet. (Lawrence McGuire)

*And last: * /(toilet-paper + enter-tainment) / *Toilet-tainment:* The
Style Invitational. (Duncan Stevens)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 7: Our contest for
“questions for terrible people.” See bit.ly/invite1199
. *