Style Invitational Week 1197: Picture This — our cartoon caption contest

Plus the results of our devilish Poed challenge


(Bob Staake/For The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers Entertainment
October 13

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our Hars Poedica

Week 1197: Picture this — a Bob Staake caption contest

Since 1994, when the Czar of The Style Invitational took a chance on a
hyperactively creative scribbler from St. Louis whose sense of humor
seemed to mesh with his own, the Invite has been blessed (from the
French /blessé,/ “wounded”) virtually every seven days by the
illustrations of Bob Staake. And at least a couple times a year, we make
the Invite a Bob Contest. *This week: Provide a caption for any of the
cartoons above; * be sure to label each entry “Picture 1,” “Picture 2,”
etc., because that’s what Ms. Empress will be searching on during her
Weekly Marathon of Judging.

*Submit entries to this website:
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives an awful faux-“primitive”wooden surfer
in Indonesia for the tourist trade, donated by Loser Susan Thompson. We
don’t call our runners-up Losers for nothing. (This prize actually has
more monetary value than most of our other offerings.)

This week's second prize: No, it's not Trump after losing 100 pounds and
taking up surfing; it's an Indonesian "primitive" figurine made for the
tourist trade. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or our new Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 24; results
published Nov. 13 (online Nov. 10). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See contest rules and guidelines at
. “Hars Poedica” in the headline is by Chris
Doyle; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Nan Reiner. Join the lively
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.**

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

No matter what challenges we present to the Greater Loser Community —
especially the Loserbards of our verse contests — some intrepid few will
meet them.

With the *Week 1193* “Poed” contest,
the few were fewer than usual. It proved a
tough challenge to meet the Poed (named for a guy named Ed) format of
exactly six one-syllable words in the first line, three two-syllable
words in the second, two threes in the third, and one six-syllable word
(or a name) in the last, plus a rhyme in there somewhere — and be funny.
Here’s the wheat (or maybe we should call them wheaties) that we tweezed
from the chaff.

4th place

All day the news shows blare,
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

3rd place

“Doc, give it to me straight:
Zika? Buboes? Prostate?
Leprosy? Myiasis?”
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

2nd place

and the signed copy of “Bad Little Children’s Books”:

In what world can Trump be —
Even only briefly --
Sincerely considered
(Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

Eight of me in my head.
Crazy? Maybe instead
Multi-me's healthier:
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Po’ ’eds: honorable mentions

What is not so nice is
Paying Mylan's prices.
Purchasers furious,
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

The big news of the year?
Brexit? Parted nation?
Terrorists? Election?
(Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

The game that spoils the peace
Besides helping increase
Nintendo’s revenue:
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

What is “truth” on the Web?
Rumors: angry, unsourced,
Biases reinforced,
(Gary Crockett)

LPs. VCRs, yet!
Carbon paper! Cassette
Recorders! Telephones!
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Fast-food staff, up in arms!
Protest tiny wages!
Suggested solution?
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Dang! We ran out of booze.
(Lousy party crashers!)
Attendance inflated:
(Beverley Sharp)

Trump “tells it like it is”;
Clinton uses finesse.
Equally distrusted,
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

This is way out of hand!
Coffee, candles . . . Pringles?
Everything's applying
(Jesse Frankovich)

Fire. Flood. Bad switch. Failed rails.
Metro's SafeTrack routing.
Everyday commuting
(Kevin Dopart)

A bell rings, a dog drools.
Ivan Pavlov’s simple
Notation: “Fabulous!
(Chris Doyle)

He sends “junk” mail by phone
Today, sitting alone.
Another subpoena,
Anthony D. Weiner.
(Ralph Nitkin, Rockville, Md.)

My new phone bit the dust
iPad's also kaput.
Infernal damnation!
(Beverley Sharp)

Some Trump folks must be good
People, although others . . .
Reprobates, horrible,
Ultradeplorable. — H.R.C., N.Y.
(Nan Reiner)

What if they taxed “hand” size?
Surely, bragging ceases . . .
Adjusted decimal . . .
(Mark Raffman)

It’s time for us to be
Festive, forward-thinking:
Passover, Hanukkah . . .
(Nan Reiner)

When she says, “It’s fine!” her
Meaning often implies
Exactly otherwise:
(Mark Raffman)

Six moves in five states net
Seven stupid magnets
(Maryland repeated)
Kevin d’Eustachio.
(Of Beltsville, Md.)

I just got my new Note!
Samsung’s offers promote
“Mind-blowing clarity.”
Why’sitgettinghotACK —
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

/And last:/
Here’s what nerds feel as they’re
Writing tricky verses:
Frustration, vexation,
(Chris Doyle)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct 17: our Hyphen the Terrible
neologism contest. See . *