Style Invitational Week 1196: Hyphen the Terrible — a neologism contest

Plus the ink for Ask Backwards, when we gave the answers and you
gave the questions

While the Invite has done the Hyphen the Terrible contest 17 times
previously, Mr. Terrible himself has never before been depicted. (Bob
Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers Entertainment
October 6

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our Ask Backwards

*ALbums + coLOGNE: Al-logne: Perfume that’s guaranteed to keep you from
being bothered.* (Kevin Dopart)

*AMERIca + disproPORTIONATELY: Ameri-portionately: Super-sized.* (Pam

This week’s second prize: You push the hair and it spouts any of eight
recorded phrases. It is, of course, the most fabulous pen ever created.
(Courtesy of Jay Kamhi)

*EFfort + AfGHANISTAN: Ef-ghanistan: What Americans reply when they’re
asked about our longest war. *(Chris Doyle)

It’s a neologism contest that the Invite has done 17 times, but not in
more than two years: *Combine either half of a hyphenated word or
compound term with either half of another such term to create a new
hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously, * as in the
runners-up above from Week 1078,

the last time we ran this contest. Feel free to use it in a funny
sentence. And there’s a hitch, but it’s not all that hitchy; the Empress
is feeling magnanimous: *Both halves of the term must come from the same
issue of The Washington Post or another print newspaper, or published
the same day on, from Oct. 6 through Oct. 17.* Please
include the source and the date, e.g., “Post, Oct. 10”; “Post website,
10/14”; “Podunk Daily Fishwrap, 10-8.” Your neologisms don’t all have to
come from the same day’s paper.

*Submit entries at this
(all lowercase). *

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives the fabulous battery-operated Donald
Talking Pen,
by Loser Dave Prevar: You push on Donald’s head and get any of eight
actual recorded phrases, such as “I will be the greatest president that
God ever created.” There’s a fascinating story that ran in The Post in
August about the creation of this pen and what happened when its
designer, a fan named Jay Kamhi, showed it to Donald Trump; see it at . (Dave promises us a Hillary
pen soon.)

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or our new Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.”
Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 17; results
published Nov. 6 (online Nov. 3). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See contest rules and guidelines at
. The “Q cards” headline was sent by both Nan
Reiner and Kevin Dopart; Kevin also wrote the honorable-mentions
subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook
at / ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Like Hyphen the Terrible, the Ask Backwards contest has been an
Invitational fave since the earliest days of the Empress’s predecessor,
the Czar. In Week 1192 we gave 15 “answers,”
some of which sounded good but didn’t generate much in the way of
questions (which is why we give 15 answers). Funny but too frequently
submitted: “a $27 donation” as Trump’s charitable giving; the National
Postal Museum being closed in rain, gloom, etc.; and “Florida Man’s
Résumé” listing several Darwin Awards — never mind that those go to
people who end up dead or sterilized.

4th place:

A. Cockroach milk.

Q. What is slightly more appetizing than Leeches and Cream? (Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

3rd place

A. Donald Trump’s birth certificate.
Q. What is marked “Return to Sender”? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

2nd place

and the electric YES! button :
A. Lobster roll trucks on every corner.
Q. What does Lobster do when “LOBSTER ANGRY!!”? (Danielle Nowlin,
Fairfax Station, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

A. Waist-slimming compression wrap.
Q. What could possibly top last year’s new laundry basket as a Mother’s
Day present? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Ask-its of deplorables: honorable mentions

*What is the second ingredient in lice pudding? (Mary Kappus, Washington)

What goes well in a cup of Chock Full o’ Nits? (Jeff Contompasis)

Why do so many cockroaches have tiny white mustaches? (Gary Crockett,
Chevy Chase, Md.)

What “free-range, locally sourced” item is being put on menus to thwart
health inspectors? (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

* What doesn’t expect a big tip for squeezing in a few more people right
before closing? (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

What might you check inside to find a missing resident of Miami? (Dudley
Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

What gives new meaning to “dope test”? (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg,
Md.; Chris Doyle)

/Senhor,/ what’s the title of that mural at your gas station? (Melissa
Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

What’s the only thing Ryan Lochte didn’t drink in Rio? (Bruce Niedt,
Cherry Hill, N.J.)

What can my landscapers complete each week that the Redskins can’t?
(Theresa Kowal, Silver Spring, Md.)

In the “Macbeth in the Suburbs” adaptation, what does Macbeth see
instead of a forest walking? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

What won’t cut it when you’re 150 yards from your camper when you spot a
bear? (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

What is the price of an acre in Utopia? (Jack Turner, Milford, Del., a
First Offender)

What do you call it when a politician gets caught with his hand in a
stripper’s G-string? (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

*What can you use if you’re out of lettuce? (Pam Sweeney)

What grows best with lots of sunshine? (Gary Crockett)

What can $27 get you in Georgetown? (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

What has two especially tiny handprints? (Danielle Nowlin; Joe Neff,
Warminster, Pa.)

What bears the notation “8 lb. 11 oz. incl. silv. spoon”? (Chris Doyle)

What document is stamped “Under Audit”? (William Kennard, Arlington,
Va.; Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)

Where is the United States’ largest collection of snails? (Joanne Free,
Clifton, Va.)

What museum houses the largest collection of tourists looking for other
museums? (John Hutchins)

What is a nicer-sounding term than Dead Letter Office? (Jon Gearhart,
Des Moines)

What did they call that exhibit of confiscated weapons at St. Elizabeths
Hospital? (Dottie Gray, Alexandria, Va.)

What’s less comfortable than a middle seat in coach? (Pam Sweeney)

What, if worn too tightly, might also be called “waste-slimming”? (Kelly
Ronayne, Alexandria, Va.)

What’s the most ordered lunch at the Miss America contestants’ snack
bar? (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

What references 87 guest appearances on “Cops”? (Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.)

What says “Education: Redacted by request of school attended”? (Hildy

Where does the list of references include Jack Daniel and Johnnie
Walker? (Christina Courtney, Gettysburg, Pa.)

What includes a stint as a salesman hawking Burmese pythons as
“waist-slimming compression wraps”? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

What film marked the debut of detective Sam Teaspoon? (Nan Reiner, Boca
Raton, Fla.)

*2,002 OLD EMAILS*
If Proust were writing today, what would his masterpiece be called?
(Melissa Balmain)

Why is Congress investigating Hillary’s alleged ties to Ni­ger­ian
royalty? (Pam Sweeney)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 10: our contest to change a
movie title without changing any letters. See
. *