Style Invitational Week 1186: We’re happy to verse you




Write a poem based on an anagram; plus the best 3-word place codes
we’ve found on What3Words


Wordsmith Francis Heaney is not the first to notice that "T.S. Eliot"
anagrams to "toilets," but he’s likely the first to turn that into a
parody of "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." (Bob Staake for The
Washington Post)
By Pat Myers Entertainment
July 28



/*Toilets/ T.S. Eliot* /
*Let us go then, to the john,
Where the toilet seat waits to be sat upon
Like a lover’s lap perched upon ceramic;
Let us go, through doors that do not always lock,
Which means you ought to knock
Lest opening one reveal a soul within
Who’ll shout, “Stay out! Did you not see my shin,
Framed within the gap twixt floor and stall?”
No, I did not see that at all . . . .* /
(From “Holy Tango of Literature” by Francis Heaney)/

This week’s contest was suggested by Loser Bruce Niedt, who showed the
Empress a nifty book called /“Holy Tango of Literature”
/ — “holy tango” being
an anagram of “anthology.” Its author, the puzzle editor and
“Professional Word-Type Person” Francis Heaney,
rearranged the letters of various poets’
names, then wrote parody poems based on those anagrams, like the “J.
Alfred Prufrock”

takeoff above.

This week we’ll broaden Heaney’s idea: *Write a humorous poem, of any
form, about or “by” the anagram of anyone’s name. * Poems that relate
somehow to the original subject will probably be more clever, no? We’re
not imposing a length limit, but longer poems have to be worth the space
they take up. We don’t mind short verses at all.

If you search for one of the codes that are located at the Broadway
theater where “Hamilton” is playing, the search bar says “near
Weehawken, New Jersey,” site of the Hamilton-Burr duel. (Screen shots
/from what3words.com)

*Submit entries at bit.ly/invite-enter-1186.
*

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a little book called “Butt Rot and Bottom
Gas: A Glossary of Tragically Misunderstood Words”
(Butt
rot: a disease affecting the base of a tree; bottom gas: a gas used by
scuba divers). Donated by Melissa Yorks.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or a vintage Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 8; results
published Aug. 28 (online Aug. 25). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Chris Doyle; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich. Join
the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

*WIT3WORDS: THE FUNNIEST MAP CODES FROM WEEK 1182*
In Week 1182 we asked you to play with the
app and website what3words , a map of the world
that’s divided into 57 trillion three-meter squares — and each of these
little squares is assigned a code combining three words from a list of
40,000. Your mission was to find some word codes that were especially
appropriate to their locations, or to say what, if life were funnier,
/should / have that code. All the locations of the codes below are real
unless otherwise indicated.

4th place:

All future power plants should be sited in East Hampton, Va. — in
*others.back.yard,* (Pete Kinsella, Glen Allen, Va.)

3rd place:

*“flagpole.with.mortar,* Canada” = ANAGRAM CAPITAL OF THE WORLD (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

2nd place

a/nd the egg timer ringed with weird human heads
:/


I find it strangely appropriate that typing *president.trump.elected*
whisks one away to Quebec. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*buffoon.fruitcake.upstairs *is in . . . Wasilla, Alaska. (Frank Osen,
Pasadena, Calif.)

Low-cations: honorable mentions

You can find *stereotype..included.group* right on FedEx Field, Home of
the R*dsk*ns (Jon Grantham, Bowie, Md.)

We found the missing emails — they’re in the Clintons’ front yard in
Chappaqua, N.Y.! At *printouts.luminaries.specifics.* (Chris Doyle,
Denton, Tex.)

Ironically, there are no houses near *knock.knock.joke,* outside
Savannah, Ga. (Elliott Schiff, Allentown, Pa.)

Not surprisingly, there’s *awesome.duration.celebrated* in Intercourse,
Pa. (Kimberly Baer, Woodbridge, Va.)

. . . Which is also known as the birthplace of the fake orgasm, with
*fictional.escalating.screeches.* (Jesse Frankovich)

. . . Or more euphemistically, *basics.weddings.reached.* (Mark Raffman,
Reston, Va.)

*Sneezing.dragon.zone* is in the (hopefully) appropriately named Noatak
nature preserve in Alaska. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

It seems the Bible went a little overboard in its promises:
*meek.shall.inherit* (in Kirov, Russia) just this 3-by-3-meter plot!
(Pete Kinsella)

Where else but Brazil: *tenderest.waxed.bikini.* (Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)

Ugh, *little.tiny.hands* should not be anywhere near Chelsea (Mich.).
(Marni Penning Coleman, Falls Church, Va.)

They have *collected.mankind.purchasers* at Mount Rushmore — the half of
it that commemorates slave-owning presidents. (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)

At Little Bighorn Battlefield, South Dakota, you will find
*owners.essentially.speared.* (Julius Sanks, Ashburn, Va.)

In the CIA’s George Bush Center for Intelligence in Langley, Va. (noted
in the search bar as “near Brookmont, Md.”): *smart.policy.soup,* not to
mention *cave.plot.calculating* (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

And at the NSA near Fort Meade, Md.: *polices.voters.faithfully.* (Steve
Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)

In the middle of nowhere in the North Pacific Ocean:
*completely.totally.lost. *
In the middle of nowhere in the North Atlantic Ocean:
*completely.utterly.lost.* (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

With so many political minds already located up there,
*head.bottom.intersection* should be moved from Western Australia to
Capitol Hill. (Jon Gearhart)

The IRS’s overseas operations? *give.that.tome* (Argentina) (Alex
Jeffrey, Columbia, Md.)

Maybe the next presidential vacation home will be in Lordsburg, N.M.,
at*trump.whites.house* — where the president could oversee the building
of the border wall a few miles away. (Edward Gordon, Austin)

Or maybe *trumps.backup.plan* is to build a much shorter wall on the
border of Mexico and Guatemala (Julia Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Easter egg found! * If you type in *calm.crew.quiet* or
*songs.happy.indoor* or another code assigned to the Richard Rodgers
Theatre — home of “Hamilton” on Broadway — the search bar will say that
the location is “near Weehawken, New Jersey.” Weehawken is where
Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr had their once again famous duel.
(Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)

My childhood home in Stockholm, N.J., should be converted to a kilt
shop: Right there in my old front yard is where
*paradise.swelled.beneath.* (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)

Ted Cruz and Rick Perry should move in together outside Van Horn, Tex.,
at the *huge.loser.zone.* (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

At National Rifle Association headquarters in Fairfax:
*impress.potential.buffoon.* (Tim Kloth, Springfield, Va.)

Searchers had to go all the way to Tanzania to find the fabled
*inoffensive.trump.tweets.* (Todd DeLap)

Sarah Palin’s home state seems to have a theme going:
*really.scary.mothering* (near Healy, Alaska)
*crazy.scary.mothering* (near Nome)
*super.scary.mothering* (near Bethel) (Frank Mann, Washington)

Speaking of Alaska:
*trump.likes.winning* (in Nikiski)
*trump.likes.losing* (Kotzebue) (Frank Mann)

I’ve tracked *money.laundering.schemes* to a remote area near
Tshiturapadsi, Zimbabwe — good, because their prince owes me money! (Jon
Gearhart)

If “we don’t smoke marijuana in Muskogee,”
why do they have
*pipes.full.herb* there? (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

The map says it’s in southern Tanzania, but *infinity.sized.dress *is
actually found in Your Mama’s closet. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

The Wicked Witch of the East’s mausoleum has been discovered at
*really.most.sincerely, *near Krasnoyarsk, Russia (Chris Doyle)

Levi’s quality control department must be outsourcing to Portugal, at
*unzips.zips.unzips. *(Jeff Shirley)

The Metropolitan Museum of Art seems to be trying to appeal to a
different group of tourists with *cage.rocks.gladiators *(John O’Byrne,
Dublin)



There’s a *muffled.ventures.sinkhole* at FedEx Field near the 20-yard
line, but that’s no surprise to those whose hopes and dreams have
disappeared there over the years. (Jon Gearhart)

Inside Trump Tower in Manhattan you will find the *ripe.orange.bunch.*
(Todd DeLap)

In London’s Edgware district, where the majority voted to remain in the
EU: *many.vote.leave.*
But near Rayne, in Essex, where every district voted to /leave:/
*many.voting.remain. *(Frank Mann)

/And Last: /The Empress should have judged this week in Guatemala, from
a little desk at *pointless.maps.contest.* (Elliott Schiff)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Aug. 1: our ink blot contest.
See bit.ly/invite1185 . *