Style Invitational Week 1179: Blasted alphabetical contests ... Give
us an ABC phrase

Plus ‘Dvork,’ ‘purranha’ and more winning 13-Scrabble-point neologisms

Cute Animals Barfing: Not quite the most popular video genre out there,
but a good example for our ABC-phrase (or permutations) contest. (Bob
Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers Entertainment
June 9

*Cute Animals Barfing: Less popular videos circulating on Facebook*

*“Beware: Congress Appropriating”: New hazard signs at the Capitol*

*Annual Bowel Contraction: Medical measurement for the tragically

This week’s contest is the “brain”-child of Loser Jeff Shirley, who
noted that while the Invitational has run contests to compare two real
entities with the same three-letter abbreviation, we don’t seem to have
run this variation: *This week: Coin a three-word phrase whose words
begin with A, B and C — in any order — and describe it,* as in Jeff’s
examples above. It may be an actual phrase or name if you describe it
with breathtaking wit.

Yes, YOU could win an electronic bubble fart machine that Chris Doyle
(not pictured) didn't want! This week’s second prize. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post )

*NEW: No more emailing entries! Instead, submit them at this website: . *

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a prize that was inexplicably declined by
Chris Doyle in 2014: It’sBubble Geezer,

a battery-powered machine in which a plastic grandpa blows bubbles from
his exposed keister. Well, maybe it’s a wee bit explicable: Chris, the
Invite’s highest-scoring Loser, has been a winner or runner-up /two
hundred eleven times./ Still, he has won only one electronic fart
sculpture. I think.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or a vintage Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, June 20; results
published July 10 (online July 7). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. See contest rules and guidelines at
. YUX in the headline for this week’s results
was submitted by both Tom Witte and Jeff Contompasis; the
honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress is hanging out at the West
Chester Poetry Conference in Pennsylvania
weekend, tossing in her two cents (U.S.) at a workshop on light verse
and song parodies, so no online column this week.

In Week 1175 we asked you to create new words
whose Scrabble letter values add up to 13 (without blanks, bingos, etc.)
and that weren’t in an actual Scrabble dictionary. The Empress gives a
letter of distinction — his choice of Q or Z — to Loser Todd DeLap, who
ran her short­list of words through a validator he’d constructed,
flagging “pepcoed” (14 points) and “snafusion,” which is a TWELVER. Hey,
whoever wrote those neologisms, you might as well save them; we could do
this contest again with any number.

4th place

*DVORK:* Your friend who can name the composer of every symphony.
(Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)

3rd place

*LOOCIFER:* The person who didn’t replace the toilet paper roll. (Jeff
Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

2nd place and the I Said No talking pen:

*GODSPLAIN:* If logic won’t do, perhaps there’s a biblical passage you
can quote out of context. (Frank Mann, Washington)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*DCAYED: *Having served in federal office too long. (Duncan Stevens,
Vienna, Va.)

Double nerd scores: honorable mentions

*RETWERPS:* People who lack the courage to say things for themselves.
(George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)

*TELLUBRIDE: *Least popular ski resort for bachelor parties. (John
Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

*CATULENCE:* Gas produced by Fluffy sleeping on the bed. Yeah, it was
definitely Fluffy. (Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.)

*BATHEIST:* Someone who believes in cleanliness but not godliness. (Jeff

*ADOLLTERY: *Cheating on your inflatable girlfriend. (Chris Doyle,
Denton, Tex.)

*BIMBROS: *Surfer dudes. (Lee Graham, Arlington, Va.)

*CARNIBORE:* A proselytizer for the Paleo Diet. (Tom Witte, Montgomery
Village, Md.)

*PESTATARIAN:* Someone who tells you constantly why his new diet is the
best ever and insists that you switch immediately from that lethal trash
you’ve been ingesting. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

*DAYLUGES:* A series of aquatic events held continually last month
throughout the D.C. area. (Joy Gawen, Falls Church, Va., a First Offender)

*BAGOBITS: *The modern-day airplane snack. (Kimberly Baer, Woodbridge, Va.)

*RHINOSTONE:* Fancy term for a booger. (Kevin Dopart)

*MEOUCH:* A scar from when you rub your cat the wrong way. My husband
has a large meouch on his arm from our brown tabby, recently renamed
Zorro. (Kate Sternberg, Reston, Va., who got her only other blot of
Invite ink in 2005)

*PURRANHA:* A seemingly innocent kitty that attacks without warning.
(Jeff Shirley)

*CADULLAC:* A Buick. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*BIDDAY:* An eBay auction for bathroom fixtures. (Pete Kinsella, Glen
Allen, Va., a First Offender)

*AUTOSOMNIAL:* So boring you put even yourself to sleep. (Christopher
Lamora, Arlington, Va.)

*FARTESIANS:* Their model is “I stink; therefore I am.” (Jon Gearhart,
Des Moines)

*FOPAW: * A type of shoe worn by politicians to cover their tracks. (Jon

*MAWDUST:* Orange powder that collects on your lips when you’re munching
Cheetos. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*IMPALEGO:* A painful condition occurring on the soles of the feet.
Afflicts primarily parents of young children. (Hildy Zampella, Falls
Church, Va.)

*GREENCH:* Whoever installed the ultra-low-flush toilets at work. (Mark
Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*KENITALIA:* Barbie’s boyfriend is now anatomically correct! (Chris Doyle)

*HILLARIOUS:* Describes a joke that isn’t funny, even though the
jokester tries very, very hard to make it so. (Duncan Stevens)

*HILLBERN: *A left-handed driver who unintentionally drives the car off
a cliff. (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)

*HILLYRE:* A somewhat screechy instrument prone to playing false notes;
produces an inexplicable twang in southern climes. (Bill LeWarne,
Darnestown, Md., who got HIS only other blot of ink in Week 104 — 21
years ago)

*TRUMPTEEN:* Yuge in number. “He’s taken trumpteen different positions
on that issue in the past month.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

*DOODOODLES:* Those poop emoji. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*HASHTAT: *A permanent memento of your favorite tweet. (Lee Graham)

*MOMPETE:* To engage in one-upmanship over who has the more outstanding
offspring. “Emily’s son is selling lemonade to raise money for orphaned
illiterate puppies. How do I mompete with that?” (Hildy Zampella)

*MORTGAUGE:* An instrument for measuring how far underwater you are.
(Jesse Frankovich)

*THERMOSS:* Fuzzy growth that covers the inside of the bottle your kid
left in her locker since April. (Jeff Contompasis)

*VOLUPTUA: *Roman goddess of the hourglass. (Barbara Turner, Takoma
Park, Md.)

*ZERT:* A dieter’s no-calorie treat substitute. “No, thanks, on that
chocolate cake; I’m planning to enjoy a little mint-waxed floss for my
zert.” (Danielle Nowlin)

*GASSAULTING:* Letting one fly in the elevator. (George-Ann Rosenberg)

*ANUSTHESIA:* Preparation H. (Chris Doyle)

*TRIKK: *To cheat at Scrabble by using more of a certain tile than are
in a regulation set. (Jeff Contompasis)

*TWELVER:* A word that wouldn’t qualify for this contest. (Jesse

*SCATOLERANT: *What the Empress of The Style Invitational has to be.
(Duncan Stevens)

*TWO contests still running — deadline for both is Monday night, June
13: for political song parodies (see
) and for new collective nouns
( ). *

And remember — don’t email your entries! Use these links to send them.
(Copy them into the form in case something goes wrong; to make the entry
area on the form bigger, click on the little triangle on lower right
corner of the box and drag it down.)

The form for Week 1179:

For Week 1178:

For Week 1177:

Sensing a pattern here, folks?