Style Invitational Week 1169: Be caustic by acrostic

Plus ‘Bierberschnitzel’ and other winning B-neologisms from Week 1165

Just Avoid Water, Stupid: This week’s contest is to describe movies or
other works with acrostics (or backronyms) of their titles. (Bob Staake
for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers March 31 at 10:06 AM

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our B-neologism
contest, Week 1165.)

*JAWS: * *J*ust *A*void *W*ater,*S*tupid!

*THE SOUND OF MUSIC: T*his *H*as *E*verything! *S*yrupy *O*utbursts!
*U*plifting *N*annies! *D*ancing *O*ver *F*lowery *M*ountains!
*U*nctuous *S*ongs *I*nvolving *C*hildren!! (from

Loser Anne Paris with the prize that goes to this week’s number two
finisher: the Number Two Pencil. Which is the only reason Anne saw this
product and thought: Style. Invitational. Prize. (Pat Myers/The
Washington Post)

Printed vertically, they’d be called acrostics; horizontally, they’re
often called backronyms. Either way, you describe something with words
beginning with each letter of the something. We’ve done backronym
contests a couple of times before, to describe people and products, but
Loser Duncan Stevens suggests a twist: *Review or otherwise describe a
movie, book, play or TV show (or Internet equivalent)* *with words whose
first letters spell out the name of the work,* as in the examples above
from our own Bob Staake and from Double Take Media, a bare-bones website
that, if it were a movie, would be a three-minute reel of Super 8. You
may add the occasional article, conjuction or preposition (e.g., “a,”
“and,” “to”), but your entries would have to be especially clever to
beat out those that use only the letters of the title.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a Scatological Two-Pack of (a) a Number
Two Pencil — a regular wooden pencil topped with a big plastic doo-pile;
and (b) “Who Farted?,”
pretty book consisting of nothing but classic movie stills in which
Tracy and Hepburn, Astaire and Rogers et al. show facial expressions
that an extremely juvenile person might caption with the book’s title.
Donated, respectively if not respectfully, by Losers Anne Paris and Jeff

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or a vintage regifted Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of our
lusted-over magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Email entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 11; results published May
1 (online April 28). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest.
Include “Week 1169” in your email subject line or it might be ignored as
spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline “Of B we zing” is by Tom Witte;
the honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And the results of the Style Invitational contest we announced four
weeks ago . . .

** *In Week 1165 we “honored” Loser Brendan Beary *for his 1,000th blot
of Invite ink by inviting him to judge the Style Invitational contest of
his choice.

Although he’s best known for his poems, Mr. B opted for a
neologism contest: to add one or more B’s to an existing word or
substitute one or more B’s for another letter. A couple of weeks ago,
the Empress sent Brendan a list of all 1,200-plus entries, with no
identifying information attached; he didn’t know until now who had
written the entries he chose. Brendan shares some thoughts on the
entries and the judging ordeal experience in this week’s Style
Conversational, to be published late Thursday afternoon at .

4th place:

*Biancee: *The one for whom you put a ring on it. (Dave Silberstein,
College Park, Md.)

3rd place:

*¡Basta la vista!:* Goodbye, already! (Michael Rolfe, Cape Town, South

2nd place

andthe “Sorry,”

a wrap garment made of Loser T-shirts:

*Barbinger: *The first sign of Spring Break. (Lee Graham, Arlington, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Bieberschnitzel: *German for “mediocre cut of meat.” (Ivars Kuskevics,
Takoma Park, Md.)

B-flats: honorable mentions

*Panobama:* The view from the right. (Ivars Kuskevics)

*Borville Wright:* Inventor of the in-flight magazine. (John Hutchins,
Silver Spring, Md.)

*The Pabst is prologue:* The explanation for your headache this morning.
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Borsche:* A souped-up Eastern European sports car. (Christopher Lamora,
Arlington, Va.; Lela Martin, Midlothian, Va.)

*Bedlab:* A place where chaotic experimental sex is carried out. (John
O’Byrne, Dublin)

*Bambidextrous:* Wearing deerskin gloves on both hands. (John Glenn,
Tyler, Tex.)

*Bumpkin pie:* A popular backwoods dish consisting of . . . um, don’t
ask. (Kimberly Baer, Woodbridge, Va., a First Offender)

*Biogenes:* Greek philosopher who searched for an honest memoir. (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)

*“Bad Bax”:* Steampunk film about a rogue chiropractor. (Chris Damm,
Charles Town, W.Va.)

*J.K. Bowling:* Author of “Harry Potter and the 7-10 Split.”
(Christopher Lamora)

*American heartbland:* The country’s white-bread-basket. (Xin Yu,
Fitchburg, Wis.)

*B’nailbiter:* An exciting finish to the annual JCC mah-jongg
tournament. (Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.)

*Boobs on the ground:* No, that’s NOT what we call women in combat!
(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)

*Herbibore:* Your friend who’s just started a vegan diet. (Frank Osen,
Pasadena, Calif.)

*Gluteus maxibus:* Public transportation with extra-wide seats. (Jon
Gearhart, Des Moines)

*“In the beginning, Bob created the heavens and the earth”:* According
to PolitiFact, Bob’s worst “Pants on Fire” campaign claim. (Gary Crockett)

*Byllables:* The building blocks of every lawyer’s vocabulary. (Jon

*“Bore!”:* Warning shout before beginning golf anecdote. (Ann Martin,
Falls Church, Va.)

*Philanthrobby:* Giving till it hurts. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

*Boiletries:* Medicated ointments for your abscess. (Warren Tanabe,
Annapolis, Md.)

*Bednesday:* Hump Day! (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

*Best Side Story:* What actresses tell every cinematographer they meet.
(Kevin Dopart)

*Ne’er-do-bell:* Pavlov’s cat. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

*Booblegging:* Using the classic “stuff it in the bra” smuggling system.
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*Bimbroglio: *Any “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” episode. (Howard
Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

*Bendarme: *A Paris police officer known for his coercive manner.
(Gerald Diamond, London, Ontario)

*Probetariat:* A convention of proctologists. (Stephen Gold, Glasgow,

*Jebsam:* A discarded candidate, now washed up on a beach. (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

*Brotunda:* Capitol Hill’s old-boys’ club. (Christopher Lamora)

*Boath:* A bigamist’s wedding vow. (Christopher Lamora)

*Flash bard:* Elizabeth Bare-it Browning. (Chris Doyle)

*Birthbay:* Lady parts. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.; Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Binlaws:* Rules that govern trashing your spouse’s family. (Jon Gearhart)

*Klondike barb:* A bitingly cold remark. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach,

*Bernia:* What you get from six months of trying to pull Hillary to the
left. (Chris Doyle)

*Bathematics: *Figuring out, “How long can I stay in here before the
kids start banging on the door?” (Jennifer Dickey, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Bunaccompanied:* Traveling while pregnant. (Greg Arnold, Herndon, Va.)

*Hooked on Phobics:* A training course for psychologists. (Christopher

*Conbratulations:* What’s offered to the proud new parents of twins.
(Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)

*Pettiboat:* An undergarment for a plus-size woman. (Tom Witte)

*Bummingbirds:* Millennials who never really leave the nest. (Mike
Ostapiej, Mount Pleasant, S.C.)

*Girl Scout Bookies:* They make a mint every year. (Ann Martin)

*Reinbarnation:* What happens to farm animals at the end of day. (Frank

*Barbie Antoinette: *Doll featuring extravagant costumes, cake and a
removable head. (Jesse Frankovich)

*BlinkedIn:* The first professional networking service to use retinal
IDs. (Chris Doyle)

*Basich:* Your standard Republican governor. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)

*Dog and bony show: *A Humane Society benefit with fashion models.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

*Next week: our annual horse name “breeding” contest — with results to
run on Kentucky Derby weekend. *

*And still running — deadline Monday night, April 4: Our contest for
jokes so nerdy you have to explain the punch line. See
. *