Style Invitational Week 1161: Give us four Pinocchios with bogus
political trivia

Plus the winning clues for our backward crossword

Stephen Douglas also famously said: “Look at that face? Would anyone
vote for that?” (Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers February 4

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning crossword clues of
Week 1157)

*Stephen Douglas used the line “I know you are but what am I?” four
times in his debate with Lincoln. *(Jay Shuck)

*Hillary Clinton has amassed a huge campaign war chest from monies freed
from the accounts of Mrs. Sese Seko merely by paying administrative fees
of only a few thousands of dollars US. *(Jeff Contompasis)

*Joe Biden once held his breath for 12 seconds. *(Ira Allen)

If you’re just untruthy enough, this yuge book can be yours. See some
inside pages in The Style Conversational at

Nine years ago, we combined two of our favorite contest genres in Week
739: (a) zings at politicians and (b) lies, usually in the form of bogus
trivia. Since then, the candidates themselves have taken lying to a new
level, not even bothering to fudge facts when they can just make up
total wha??? untruths and proclaim them with confidence. So /we’re /not
going to feel bad about *this week’s contest: Tell us some false “facts”
about politicians, present or past.* You can see the results of our
first contest at

Though we’ll be rewarding a lie, winner still gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Honest Abe statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives the brand-new Trump Coloring Book
in which artist M.G. Anthony depicts the potential president of the
United States as an addition to Mount Rushmore, the face on a $1 million
bill, and all four street-crossers on the “Abbey Road” cover. Donated to
the Invite campaign chest by Denise Sudell.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or a vintage Loser T-shirt in various styles. Honorable mentions get one
of lusted-after Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Email entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 15; results
published March 6 (online March 3). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. Include “Week 1161” in your email subject line or it might be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Kevin Dopart; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte. Join the
lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thurdsay afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of
results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And the winners of the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks
ago . . .

*In Week 1157 * we presented a filled-in
crossword by The Post’s new Sunday crossword guy, Evan Birnholz, and
invited you to come up with joke clues for the words.

You have to think
flexibly to get some of these: for example, many readers suggested that
STAB was the patron saint of sit-ups, and that NETSALES concerned the
beer selection at Brooklyn NBA games. See Evan’s favorite clues in this
week’s Style Conversational (published late
Thursday afternoon).

See for Evan Birnholz’s actual clues for this
grid, and The Style Conversational for Evan’s favorites among this
4th place:

*BAR:* Both lawyers and drunkards need to pass this (Rob Huffman,
Fredericksburg, Va.)

3rd place:

*BEAT:* Follows “A: Get up” on a forgetful person’s to-do list (Frank
Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

2nd place

/and the solar-powered Buddha:


*FARMS:* Rejected terser, saltier title of Hemingway’s novel
(hyphenated) (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*LIE:* Dead politicians continue to do this in their graves (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Fail in the blanks: honorable mentions

*ABBA+MUSH:* Two-word review of “Fernando” (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

*MUSH: *Goo, or Go! (Jack McBroom, Fort Valley, Va.)

** ** *RELAY:* When you truly can’t eat just one (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

*REAR*: Both Kim Kardashian and her fame rest on this (Kirsten Rahman,
Silver Spring, Md.)

*REAR:* Talk like a pirate again (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*ONTO:* He rides with the One Ranger (Selma Ellis, Rolling Meadows, Ill.)

*KINDERGARTENCOP: *At nap time, who gets called when a child is
resisting a rest (Barry Herman, Laurel, Md., a First Offender)

** *FRILLS:* These days, legroom AND six mini-pretzels (Lena Webb,
Somerville, Mass., a First Offender)

*LOBE:* Stud’s hangout (Donald Ramsey, Takoma Park, Md., a First Offender)

*LOBE: *Without it, you’re earring-impaired (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

** *FARMS: *A long-distance girlfriend (Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)

*EKE: *The middle of a weekend (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

** *OMIT: *Nike’s new yoga-wear slogan: Just __ __ (Ben Aronin, Washington)

*NETSALES: *Dumb way for the Flying Wallendas to make a little money
(Bill Lieberman, Ellicott City, Md.)

*PLESSY: *Full of pless (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

*PLESSY: *X + Y = P. Solve for X. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

*WEIRDO: *Yankovic’s blood type (Frank Osen)

*WEIRDO:* That slashy letter the Danish use (Paul Burnham, Gainesville,

** ** *TYRIONLANNISTER:* Like life: nasty, brutish and short (Jeff
Loren, Seattle)

*AINT:* What’s left when paint starts peeling (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

*BERG:* What Dan Snyder told Kirk Cousins not to do (Mark Richardson,
Takoma Park, Md.)

** *ESSEX*: The most contorted position in the Kama Sutra (Peter Boice,
Rockville, Md.)

*SIDING:* Contributing something to Thanksgiving dinner (Kevin Dopart)

*SIDING: * In Barcelona, the answer to “Does that bell make a sound?”
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*EYESORE:* Sty or stye (Lena Webb)

*EYESORE:* Gloomy donkey’s ugly brother (Brendan Beary)

** *ROBS: *What there’s too many of as soon as Schneider shows up in a
movie (Steve Honley, Washington)

** *COLDSNAP:* “See, there’s no global warming . . . ” (Jon Gearhart,
Des Moines)

*ARGUE:* What pirates say in a cussing match (Jon Gearhart)

** ** ** *BEAT:* What Miss Philippines did to Miss Colombia, and what
Miss Colombia should have done to Steve Harvey (Danielle Nowlin)

*FATES+WEIRDO:* The word “SO” in Comic Sans (Kathy Hardis Fraeman,
Olney, Md.)

*SIRED:* Fourth choice at a sperm bank (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, Md.)

*ARTFORMS: *Creative tax returns (Tom Murphy, Bowie, Md.)

*ARTFORMS: *Greenwich Village version of “[stuff] happens” (David
Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

*PORN:* Field of employment where openings appear often but are quickly
filled (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*ERIES: *Drunken Clevelanders might see two or three of these (Duncan
Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

** *UNCLEREMUS: *Remove the cleremus (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

** *STOLEAKISS: *Item on an expensive call girl’s price list (Ward Kay,
Vienna, Va.)

*TETE:* It was on the cutting edge in 1789 (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery,

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Feb. 8: our contest to redefine
an existing word. See . *