Style Invitational Week 1159: Think up a board game crazier than this
real one

Plus the winners of our contest to replace the vowels in a
book/movie title to make a new one

Wind or lose? This week’s contest is to outdo in sheer amazingosity the
actual game Ewww. Who Tooted? (Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers January 21

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the Week 1155 “Vowel Movement”
results for altering book/movie titles)

*“Ewww, Who Tooted? In this rip-roaring game of gassy good times,
everybody gets a whoopee cushion-shaped controller to control the
character’s flatulence. When the controllers light up, only one person
will ‘toot’ and the other players have to guess who did it! Can you keep
a straight face, or will your friends know that YOU are the one Who
Tooted? Requires 2 AAA batteries (not included).”*

How better to say “Get the L over here” than with this metal sign, this
week’s second prize? (The Washington Post)

The example above would be a great entry for *this week’s contest — come
up with a funny/ridiculous board-type game and describe it — *except
that . . . the Empress simply copied it from theToys R Us website
it’s a real thing. (And yours for $22.99.) Loser Inger Pettygrove posted
it on the Style Invitational Devotees page on Facebook, prompting Loser
Kristen Rahman to suggest it as a contest. Sounds like a plan. Entries
shouldn’t be longer than the description above (shorter could well be

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a handsome 12-by-15 “Hello Loser” sign
complete with a debonair “Mad Men” kind of guy on it. We’ve been using
it at the door at various Loser events; now’s a chance to advertise your
own home as a Loser-friendly site.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug,

or one of various models of vintage Loser T-shirts. Honorable mentions
get one of our brand-new Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Email entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 1; results published
Feb. 21 (online Feb. 18). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest.
Include “Week 1159” in your email subject line or it might be ignored as
spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Beverley Sharp; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart. Join
the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/ ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And the results of the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks
ago . . .

In Week 1155 , **the Empress asked you to take
the title of any book, movie, play or TV show, *delete all the vowels,
then put your choice of vowels back in — *whichever and as many as you
liked — to create a new work.

Sometimes the result had only one
different vowel; other times the new version looked nothing like the
old. Numerous Losers suggested “The Farce Weakens.”

Let’s call him Sheldon. Cheryl Davis picked him up in Myrtle Beach, and
he was won this week by lucky Christopher Lamora, who, in a fit of
decluttering, recently gave back his six first-prize Inker trophies. (
Cheryl Davis)

4th place:

*“The Art of the Deal” → *take out the vowels and get *THRTFTHDL* *→ *
add vowels and get *“I, the Rat Fathead, Lie”:* Confessions of a
demagogue. (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)

3rd place:

*“Annie Hall” → “Ennui Hill”:* While sitting through endless
congressional debates, two staffers make eye contact and find love.
(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

2nd place and the jaunty shell sculpture of a conga player:

*“The Interview” → “The Nature View”:* Satire about two wildlife
photographers who sneak across the DMZ to shoot an elusive North Korean
cuckoo. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington, Va.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*“Much Ado About Nothing”→ “A Much-Eyed Booty in a Thong”*: Kim and
Kanye play Beatrice and Benedick on Broadway. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

E: IOUA Magnet: honorable mentions

*“Alice’s Restaurant” → “Alec’s Restraint”:* Baldwin orders the diet
plate, doesn’t get everything he wants. (George-Ann Rosenberg)

“*Emma” → “Ammo”:* At the next theater over, an alternative for guys
who’ve been dragged to see a chick flick. (Nancy Della Rovere, Silver
Spring, Md.)

*“The Hangover” → “The Hung Oeuvre”:* A documentary exploring the male
nude in statuary. (Steve Honley, Washington)

** *“Chinatown” → “Chin Twin”: *Jay Leno meets a brother he never knew
existed. (Paul Comstock, Lancaster, Pa., a First Offender)

** *“Amadeus” → “Mad U.S.”:* It’s subtitled “The Making of the President
2016.” (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

*“Big” → “Bag”:* At a carnival, a 12-year-old girl makes a wish to be
older. (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

*“Blazing Saddles” → “Blue Ozone Gas Doodles”:* Estranged scientists
come together as Earth’s stratosphere comes apart. (David Friedman,
Arlington, Va.)

*“Bonanza” → “Bunnz”:* A hunky father and his three hunky sons maintain
excellent gluteal muscle tone through endless hours of horseback riding.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*“Candide” → “Cyanided”:* Voltaire’s story of an eternal optimist,
updated: “If this is the best of all possible worlds, then . . .” (Frank
Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*“Chasing Amy” → “Aches Nag Me”:* A going-of-age story. (David Friedman)

** *“Love Story”→ “Elvis Eatery”:* Oliver orders Jenny a peanut butter,
banana and bacon sandwich, and boy is he sorry. (Chris Doyle)

*“Masters of the Universe” → “Mis-tiaras of the Universe”:* Starring
Steve Harvey as Emcee-Man. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

** *“Eat Pray Love” → “Tip or Leave”:* A woman learns two things the
world wants most from Americans. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*“Taxi Driver” → “Tuxed Rover”:* Story of an embittered, nihilistic,
wandering penguin. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*“The Honeymooners” → “The Hiney Miners”:* Adventures of a hospital
colonoscopy team. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

*“The Vagina Monologues” → “The Vegan Menu Logs”:* A play in which
A-list actresses rant for 2½ hours about their struggles to find tofu
burgers. (Christopher Lamora)

*“Titanic” → “Ta-ta on Ice”:* Same movie. (Jesse Frankovich)

** *“8mm”→ “8 Muumuu”:* Detective Nicolas Cage is hired by a woman to
hunt for a medium-size housedress that doesn’t make her look fat. (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*“High Noon” → “HGH! No! No!”:* A missive from the Peyton Manning

Fan Club. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.; Tom Witte)

*“Bambi” → “Bambo”: *This stag is out for revenge. (Barbara Turner,
Takoma Park, Md.)

*“Hook” → “Ahoy, Okay?” *Peter Pan makes nice with a notorious pirate.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*“Hoosiers” → “He’s Ours”:* A basketball coach in rural Indiana employs
ringers to help his team. “Shaquille? Oh, he just moved here in August .
 . . Mikey Jordan? Yeah, him too” (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

** *“Gypsy” → “GPS”: *A stripper and her stage mother struggle to find
themselves. (Brendan Beary)

*“It Happened One Night” → “The Pope: Nude ’n’ Naughty”:* The film the
Vatican wants to suppress. (Chris Doyle)

*“Left Behind” → “Left by Honda”:* As the Apocalypse nears, a group of
believers miss the last ride to the Rapture when their Civic hatchback
makes a wrong turn. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

*“Network” → “Not War, OK?”* “I know we’re mad as hell, but let’s all
just chill out.” (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

*“Pulp Fiction” → “Plop of Caution”: *This time, John Travolta’s
character doesn’t leave his rifle outside the door while he does his
business. (Mike Gips)

*“Roger and Me” → “Our Ego Ruined ’Em”:* A doc about Roger Smith and his
city — and Michael Moore and his films. (Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

*“Scorpion” → “Is Crap, No?”:* French hosts review all things American.
(William Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)

*“Smokey and the Bandit” → “Smokey and the Bond-It”:* A heap o’ hoot’n
trouble rollicks through the county when someone glues the sheriff’s
wheels to the pavement. (Barbara Turner)

*“Stand by Me” → “Satan Aide Obama”: *Rush Limbaugh’s book on how the
president does the Devil’s bidding. (Jesse Frankovich)

*“Star Trek” → “Astro Trike”:* No one wants to be the test pilot for the
Enterprise’s new “right-sized” shuttle craft. (Bill Lieberman, Ellicott
City, Md.)

*“The King and I”→ “The Kong and I”:* In this legal drama, the Supreme
Court upholds marriage between primates. (Howard Walderman)

*“Toy Story” → “Toaster”: *In this heartwarming tale of a bagel’s risky
adventures with an English muffin, Pixar finds yet another way to make a
lot of bread. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

*“The Exorcist”→ “The Exercist”: *“Okay, give me 10 more head spins . .
.” (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

** *“Concussion” → “Concession”:* The sequel the NFL will never make.
(William Verkuilen)

*“The Apartment” → “The Part Monty”:* A rom-com dodges an X-rating.
(Chris Doyle)

*Still running — deadline Monday, Jan. 25: our contest to say what
various common objects “really” are. See