Style Invitational Week 1152: Oops? You do it again — enter a previous
contest


Plus the winning TankaWanka 5-line poems on the news


You don’t need a time machine, just a handy index we provide for the
past year’s contests you can reenter for Week 1152. (Bob Staake for The
Washington Post)
By Pat Myers December 3



(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning TankaWanka five-line
poems about the news)

Didn’t get your paper on July 23? Did you miss the deadline for Week
1105? Did the Empress rob you /again/ for Weeks 1120, 1121 /and/ 1122?
Stop complaining already — here’s your chance to do something about it:
our annual retrospective contest. *This week: Enter any Style
Invitational contest from Week 1098 through Week 1148, except for Week
1101, last year’s do-over. *Use as few or many contests as you like, up
to 25 entries total. You may refer to events that have occurred since
the contest was published (exception: the Week 1105 obit poems should
still be about people who died in 2014); for contests that ask you to
use that week’s paper, use Dec. 3-14 of this year. You may submit an
entry you've already sent, but remember that it’s the same old lady
judging them. Where to find all these previous contests? There’s a link
to each one at *washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational *
(click on “More News” at
the bottom of the page to see the oldest few). You can also see all the
contests on Loser Elden Carnahan’s Master Contest List at *nrars.org.

* After you read the instructions of a contest you want to enter, don’t
forget to check the results as well (usually four weeks later) to be
sure you’re not repeating an inking entry.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place, just in time to be several weeks late for
Hanukkah, a giant inflatable dreidel, donated by Loser Diane Wah. It’s
actually sort of round, so if it lands on the wrong side, you can
discreetly nudge it to a better letter.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug

or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get one of our brand-new Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”

or “Falling Jest Short.”

First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). Email entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 14; results
published Jan. 3 (online Dec. 31 or maybe 30). You may submit up to 25
entries per contest. Include “Week 1152” in your email subject line or
it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and
phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s
results is by Danielle Nowlin; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff
Shirley. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook
at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

Be gelty, gelty, gelty with a beach ball-like inflatable dreidel, this
week’s second prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )

And the results of the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks
ago . . .

It’s a tanka gas: The top TankaWanka news poems:
*In Week 1148 *we presented our second annual contest for TankaWanka
poems on the news. The TankaWanka — a form the Empress named so nobody
could accuse us of doing it wrong — is a variation on tanka, a classic
Japanese poetry form. Like tanka, the TW has five lines of 5-7-5-7-7
syllables (like a haiku that forgot to stop), but it also contains at
least one rhyme.

4th place:

*Ben Carson believes Egyptian pyramids were used by biblical Joseph
*Carson: Pyramids
Were for the storage of grain.
Evidence for this:
They’re sealed against the outside.
Much like Dr. Carson’s brain?
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

3rd place:

*Coywolf, coyote-wolf hybrid, sees population boom*
Wolf, in search of mate,
Struck out, then said, “You know what?
Coyotes look great!”
Fairy tale changes wryly
When Riding Hood meets Wile E. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

2nd place and the “Jewjitsu” T-shirt plus Christian-themed jellybeans:

*Nationals lose manager choice over too-low offer*
“Bud Black is our guy!
He can run our pitching staff!”
But they made a gaffe
With their offer so mulish—
Penny-wise and mound-foolish. (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Google self-driving car pulled over for driving too slowly, impeding
traffic*
California fuzz
Stopped a car, and found it was
Driving by itself.
Gave a warning, didn’t cite.
Need I say the car was white?
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

PRO-PAIN TANKA: HONORABLE MENTIONS

*Christian groups protest lack of Christmas symbols on Starbucks cups
*Time to get riled up!
Hang a plain red Starbucks cup
On the highest bough,
And have yourself a merry
Little War on Christmas now.
(Nan Reiner)

*San Diego SeaWorld ends killer-whale shows but keeps whales*
Folks cry: “Free Shamu!”
SeaWorld has a different view.
Stubborn, they say no:
“How could we, in good conscience,
Let eleven killers go?”
(Beverley Sharp)

*Trump calls Mexican immigrants “rapists”*
“Sending their rapists”
Makes it clear, for goodness’ sake,
That Donald Trump’s yen
Is to be the prez who’ll make
America hate again.
(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

*Carson’s home features a large double portrait*
We thought the Donald
Possessed the biggest ego
Of them all, but then
This painting came to seize us:
It pictures Ben with Jesus.
(Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

*Inclusion in GOP debates depends on latest poll*
Poll ranking dictates
Which of umpteen candidates
Make the next debates,
Based on this week’s ups and downs.
Open car; reshuffle clowns.
(Nan Reiner)

*“Star Wars: Episode VII”*
*I.* “The Force Awakens”!
All of geekdom rejoices.
As we revisit
A galaxy that’s far far,
Let us hope there’s no Jar Jar.
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*II.* “The Force Awakens”:
A movie for which we’ll queue.
For Disney, huge sums.
And in handy Yoda comes
When verse rhyming try we do. (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)

*Former Russian official found dead in Dupont Circle hotel*
Could be verry bad
If you get on outs with Vlad.
You haf “heart attack.”
This case, upon scrutiny,
Looking very Putiny. (Nan Reiner)

*Asian leaders meet*
China’s Xi Jinping
And Taiwan’s Ma Ying-Jeou met;
There should be an ad:
“Spacious meeting room to let —
The historic Ma-Xi pad.”
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

*Pitcher insists on finishing World Series game, loses it *
Matt Harvey, Mets ace,
Demands, “I’ll pitch the ninth frame
For a complete game!”
Soon the game, Mets fans could see,
Was complete, over, /finis. /
(Brendan Beary)

*Politicians exploit Paris attacks *
Carnage in Paris
Leaves us sad and dejected
Except for a few
Asking the age-old question:
Can this get me elected?
(Frank Mann, Washington)

*Water discovered on Mars*
Evidence showing
There’s liquid water flowing
On the planet Mars
Has made scientists zealous —
And Californians jealous.
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

*“Gum Wall” gets a cleaning *
Have you heard the news?
Seattle has a problem:
A sticky issue —
On a wall, not a tissue.
More gum control laws needed! (Andrea Dewhurst, Lynn, Mass., a First
Offender)

*George H.W. Bush criticizes Cheney, Rumsfeld in biography*

George Bush the first, you
Paterfamiliously,
And biliously,
Trashed two top aides to Dubya —
Only now do they trubya?
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*New baby panda *
The National Zoo
Pulled the new panda handler
Aside to warn her
That nobody — NOBODY! —
Puts Bei Bei in the corner.
(Chris Doyle)

*Feminist Germaine Greer rants that sex change surgery doesn’t make a
man a woman* *
So says Germaine Greer:
“You can lop off your penis,
And good luck, my dear,
But, no matter your keenness,
You’re not a woman, I fear.”
(Michael Rolfe, Cape Town, South Africa, a First Offender) /[*Greer
actually usedmuch cruder language
in
her rant]/

*D.C. rated the “snobbiest city on the East Coast” *
Look

– some new website
Gave D.C. a top-10-ranked
Snooty ratio!
San Francisco ranks first, though . . .
(Left-Coasters. What do THEY know?) (Nan Reiner)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 7: our contest to rant at a
rhymes-with-“glassbowl.” See bit.ly/invite1151
. *