Style Invitational Week 1151: Take aim at [a glassbowl] with a snarky note
Plus winning neologisms ‘discovered’ in the Week 1147 word-search grid
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers November 25
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with a snarky note'>
New contest for Week 1151:
To [a glass], snarkly
/“Dear [Glassbowl] Foodie: Shut up and eat your dinner. You’re not Julia
Child, and no one is interested in enduring a detailed analysis about
what hints of exotic spice your delicate palate was able to detect in
the chutney mayo. The only thing you are an aficionado of is how to be
annoying.” — From / “Dear [A-------]: 101 Tear-Out Letters to the Morons
Who Muck Up Your Life,”
by Jillian and Michelle Madison
*This week’s contest *comes to us via Loser Dave Prevar, who gave the
Empress the book quoted above as a potential second prize. The E nixed
the prize idea because of the unprintable title of the 2011 book, but
she did think the Loser Community could snark up the joint with much
more flair. We’ll use the handy rhyme “glassbowl,” a la the flairful
online chats with The Post’sCarolyn Hax
and
Gene Weingarten
,
*This week: Write a short, snarky (but witty) note to one of the
glassbowls below,* all from the 101 types listed in the book. Obviously,
we’re looking for well-crafted funny writing here, not a couple of
misspelled sentence fragments sent in with the disclaimer “sent from my
phone, excuse typos.”** **
*
Dear Glassbowl * *Who Parked Like a Moron *
*. . . Who Had This Library Book Before Me
* *. . . Trying to Fix Me Up
* *. . . Houseguest Who Overstayed Your Welcome
* *. . . Joined-at-the-Hip Couple
* *. . . Goody-Two-Shoes* *
. . . Clipping Your Nails at Work*
*. . . At the Concert
* *. . . Restaurant Server*
*. . . Clean Freak*
*. . . Who Didn’t Clean Up After the Dog
* *. . . Constantly Cheery Glassbowl* *
. . . Contagious Glassbowl*
The grid we created by feeding it 18 words from a random generator. The
highlighted “whirk” and “borment” were examples for Week 1147. (GRID
CONSTRUCTED WITH THE INSTANT ONLINE WORD SEARCH MAKER AT PUZZLE-MAKER.COM)
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place gets — oh, okay, the book, /plus/ “1001 Horrible
Facts: A Yuckopedia of Gross Truths About Everything
”
( (“Sun-dried maggots have been eaten from China to North America”; “In
Ghana, half of the locally produced meat comes from rats”). Donated by
Nan Reiner.
*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug,
the older-model
“This Is Your Brain on Mugs” mug
or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get one of our brand-new Loser magnets, “Magnet Dum Laude”
or “Jest Falling Short.”
First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 7; results published
Dec. 27 (online Dec. 24). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest.
Include “Week 1151” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. “Lexiconcealment” in today’s headline is by
Kevin Dopart; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Danielle Nowlin. Join
the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
REORT FROM WEEK 1147: *In Week 1147,* we posted the word-search grid pictured above and asked
you to “discover” new words by snaking a path through the grid. (The
squiggles on the grid show that week’s examples, “whirk” and
“borments.”)
We swear we didn’t know that “Trump,” “Jeb” and “Snyder”
were in there, but most everyone found them. The coordinates below refer
to the position of the first letter.
4th place:
*L-3: BEQUAT:* In Alabama, a demand for silence (Nancy Della Rovere,
Silver Spring, Md.)
3rd place:
*D-5: BTFXPBLKJQ: * Joe Btfsplk’s
family name before his
grandfather got lucky at Ellis Island. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
2nd place and the set of “Household Engineering” booklets from 1915:
*H-13: POREBOOK: *A spinoff social network that examines its members
/way/ too closely. (Ann Martin, Falls Church, Va.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*A-4: BARBIEST KEN:* Mattel’s new transgender doll. (Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)
B-10 out:
honorable mentions
*A-1: VEXMOJI:* The one that looks like ò_ó. (George-Ann Rosenberg,
Washington)
*A-13: TRUMPASO: *Future name for the closed city across from Juarez.
(Mike Creveling, La Plata, Md.)
*A-13: TRUMP RIVER: *The future name of the Rio Grande, in honor of the
president who successfully executed the *MEXPURGE* (E-16). (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
*A-13: TRUMPATRIBE:* An angry rant about what a huge loser you are.
(Jesse Frankovich)
*A-13: TRUMPT:* Screwed. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
*A-18: BRRM: *Where you fill the hot chocolate to. (Danielle Nowlin,
Fairfax Station, Va.)
*C-1: LABBONG: *an instrument used in, um, research on the effects of
cannabis. (John Shea, Philadelphia)
*C-14: STAND PRIX: *The most boring race on the Formula 1 circuit.
(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
*D-13: PLUMPATIVE:* “She’s not fat, she’s . . .” (Ray Gallucci,
Frederick, Md.)
*D-17: MIDASS:* A 24-karat-gold buffoon. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
*E-2: BROPART: *In an ‘80s action flick, it’s the white hero’s best (and
only) black friend. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
*E-10: SOYLOX: *The quickest way to ruin a bagel. (Robert Schechter, Dix
Hills, N.Y.)
*F-6: ALLONS-YO: *“Let’s go, dawg!” (Larry Gray)
*G-2: GOP AND JEB: *Third time wasn’t the charm. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
*G-7: LOVITIF: *A request made without directly asking anyone. “I would
lovitif someone could get me some coffee.” (David Smith, Alexandria, Va.)
*G-12: STINKBOWL: *Where the Terps have clinched a spot this season.
(Ray Gallucci)
*G-14: ZIP-STING: *Malady that spurred the comeback of button-fly jeans.
(Dion Black, Washington)
*H-13: PURGELL: *really strong hand sanitizer. (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)
*H-17: HOLYYES:* The antonym of “hellno.” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
*I-9: SNYDERGUISH:* The misery felt by Washington football fans since
1999. (Jesse Frankovich)
*I-15: BEEREE:* My favorite breakfast smoothie. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
*I-9: SNYDER IN LOVE W/RG:* That explains it. (Mike Creveling)
*I-9: SINLOG:* Sure, maybe /you/ call it a “browser history.” (Dion Black)
*I-12: GROUP LIP:* A variation on the group hug -- but much more ewwww.
(Frank Mann, Washington)
*J-12 BOOGERGOURMET: *A picky eater. (Kevin Dopart)
*J-13 RE-RE-MEET: *Get introduced to your friend’s friend again after
you really ought to know her name by now. [COLLEEN!!! OF COURSE!!!!
ColleenColleenColleenColleenColleen...] (Danielle Nowlin)
*K-2: QUADAB:* A couple of muscles short of a six-pack. (Robert Schechter)
*K-6: NURDLE: *A small gathering of geeks. “A nurdle of mathletes
clustered around the whiteboard.” (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
*K-10: LOOK INN: *A motel for voyeurs. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
*K-13: ERRIGATE:* To water the side of the barroom toilet. (Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
*K-16 SEMENSA: *A society whose members must be both smart and spunky.
(Kevin Dopart)
*L-7: UNWOW:* Deliver a Jeb-like debate performance. (Mark Raffman,
Reston, Va.)
*12-L: CELLO GREEN:* Composer of the string quartet arrangement of
“(Forget) You.” (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
*M-13: SCOLDILOCKS: *The pickiest reviewer on Yelp. “Neither the food
nor the accommodations ever approached the level of ‘just right’; in
fact, the entire experience was unbearable.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
*N-6: WOEL: *Season’s grievings. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
*N-10: SEXLEC:* Military jargon for “the talk” given to recruits at boot
camp. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
*Q-3: RISKBIB:* A white shirt. (Danielle Nowlin)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 30: Our contest to change
someone’s name by one letter. See bit.ly/invite1150. *