Style Invitational Week 1149: Gestures of depreciation for Love Your
Lawyer Day
Plus ‘decibelch’ and other winning neologisms from our DICE
neologism contest
(Bob Staake/for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers November 12
feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1149: Gestures of depreciation for
Love Your Lawyer Day'>
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1145, our
annual Tour de Fours neologism contest)
*/Ways to observe National Love Your Lawyer Day:/ *
*Buy a cup of very hot coffee and spill it on yourself.*
Be doubly potent (or doubly sick) if you drink this elixir containing a
snake with a scorpion in its mouth, this week’s second prize. (Pat
Myers/The Washington Post)
*Buy him a copy of the book “Legal Ethics [Are] for Dummies”*
*/How to celebrate National Love Your HMO Administrator Day: /Bake her a
cake, then cut off 40 percent as a deductible, another 25 percent as a
copay . . . *
*This week’s contest* comes courtesy of Mark Raffman, who’s written
numerous lawyer jokes in past Invitational contests (e.g., Week 989,
combine two professions: “A lawyer/prostitute: Get people off for money.
Repeat.”). Which I’m sure tickles Mark’s colleagues at his corporate law
firm no end. Mark alerted the Empress to a real thing called National
Love Your Lawyer Day, this past Nov. 6. sponsored by the American
Lawyers Public Image Association: “We’re hoping this day will spark
public interest in commending lawyers rather than condemning them,” the
press release says. Fortunately, that’s several days in the past, so we
can now proceed with *This Week’s Contest: Suggest ways to celebrate
National Love Your Lawyer Day — or a made-up “holiday” celebrating some
other profession, *as in Mark’s own examples above. For suggesting the
contest complete with great examples (and for being local), Mark gets a
date with the Empress to get ice cream. If you meet the same
requirements in a future week, you can get ice-creamed, too.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place wins an incredible bottle of something we do not
recommend that you drink: It’s aclear wine containing a coiled real
snake
—
and hanging from its mouth is a real scorpion, almost as big as the
snake itself. Brought back from Vietnam by Hall of Fame Loser Stephen
Dudzik.
*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug (either
the takeoff on the LOVE symbol
or “This Is
Your Brain on Mugs”
)
or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake,
probably one of the new models to be announced next week.
First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (Firstink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 23; results
published Dec. 13 (online Dec. 10). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. Include “Week 1149” in your e-mail subject line or it might be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Danielle Nowlin; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Beverley Sharp.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday;
/follow@StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And from the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks ago . . .
*Roles of DICE: Neologisms From Week 1145:
Week 1145 was one of our annual Tour de Fours neologism contests, in
which we supplied a block of letters — this time D-I-C-E — and asked
readers to coin a word or multi-word term containing that block, in any
order but with no letters between them (we did allow a space or hyphen).
Too many people to credit suggested *Peedicament: *being stuck in
gridlock and you really have to go.
4th place:
*Ride and prejudice:* It is a truth universally acknowledged that a
cabbie in need of a fare still won’t pick up a black man after dark.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
3rd place:
*Patton medicine:* A bracing slap in the face. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
2nd place and the “Art of the Bonsai Potato” gardening kit:
*Decirculation: *The one number that’s way up in the newspaper industry.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*Tea iced:* What Rep. Kevin McCarthy was last month. (Todd DeLap,
Fairfax, Va.)
CIDE dishes: honorable mentions
*Bedcide manner:* What Dr. Kevorkian was renowned for. (Brendan Beary,
Great Mills, Md.)
*Siouxicide:* Insisting on keeping a derogatory name for your football
team. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
*Fraticide: *“On Visiting Day, the Nu Nu house committed fraticide with
a sign offering ‘free jello shots to hot high school girls and their
moms.’ ” (Frank Osen)
*Fartricide:* When it’s literally silent but deadly. (Jeff Hazle,
Woodbridge, Va.; Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
*Mooicide:* What judgmental vegans call meat-eating. “I can’t believe
OKCupid matched me up with this guy — ugh, he’s mooicidal!” (Duncan
Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
*Flied chicken:* The day-old special at Earl’s Shack o’ Wings. (Larry
Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
*McDeity:* A lesser god. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
*Faccident:* When a candidate slips and says something true. (Rick
Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
*Towerdice: *Fear of heights. (Tom Witte)
*Antidecorate:* What toddlers do to a room. (Jennifer Dickey, Silver
Spring)
*M&Medicating:* Using chocolate as your drug of choice. (Jeff Shirley)
*Maledictation:* Having your secretary write up your layoff letter to
her. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
*Redicament:* The same old mess. (Nancy Della Rovere, Silver Spring, Md.)
*Decimull:* Try to figure out your kid’s Common Core math homework.
(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
*Recidiviewer: *Someone who binge-watches the full “Star Wars” series
six times straight. (Pat Tompkins, San Mateo, Calif.)
*Deciderer*: What W called his Magic 8 Ball. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
*Johndice:* Unfortunate condition causing orange-tinted skin and
overactive tear ducts. (Danielle Nowlin)
*Humorrhoidectomy:* Removal of the funny bone. Prognosis is grim.
(George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)
*Incider trading: *Bad behavior at Apple headquarters. (Ann Martin,
Falls Church, Va.)
*Benedictator:* A leader who cares about you and knows what is best for
you and forces you to buy health insurance. (Amy Harris,
Charlottesville, Va.)
*Decibelch:* Unit of measure for burping contests. (Chris Doyle)
*Icedope:* “This snowball clearly disproves global warming!” (Ann Martin)
*Decimater: *The mother of all guilt, able to defeat all offspring with
a single frown! (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
*Die-curious:* So reckless that they say you have a death wish. “Driving
with your knees? When did you become die-curious?” (Duncan Stevens)
*Epic death: *The only thing standing between most idiots and a Darwin
Award. (Jon Gearhart)
*Prude and Prejudice:* The Bob Jones University student handbook. (Jon
Gearhart)
*Lice dancing:* Shake, shake, shake, shake your cootie . . . (Chris Doyle)
*Decibull: *The standard unit of political spin and distortion,
expressed as falsehoods per minute. “Fiorina’s debate performance was
clocked at a record 83.4 decibulls.” (Duncan Stevens)
*Accidentistry:* A still-thriving profession in the NHL. “Ovie shunned
the accidentistry, preferring to flash a jack-o’-lantern smile.” (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)
*Medicaterer:* A pharm-to-table supplier for the well-stocked rave.
(Kevin Dopart)
*Squidecstasy:* That feeling, sexy and divine/ When 20 tentacles
entwine. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
*Far Side Chats:* Oddly, FDR’s early radio addresses did little to
reas-sure a worried nation. (Chris Doyle)
*Bodice chipper:* The hot “romance/gore” genre, like “Untamed Desire in
Fargo.” (Amy Harris)
*Bodice dripper: * A lactating mother. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
*Coincidents:* Dinks on the bumper that just happened to occur when you
were driving your parents’ car. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
*Agincident:* Your umpteeth ticket from the same speeding camera.
(Barbara Turner)
*Cod’iece:* A medieval garment that covered the crotch but still allowed
one to take a P. (Brendan Beary)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 16: our contest for
5-7-5-7-7 TankaWanka poems. See bit.ly/invite1148
. *