Style Invitational Week 1148: 5 lines, 31 syllables and a rhyme: It’s
TankaWanka II
Plus Def Jam earwax remover and other repurposed brand names from
Week 1144
If nothing else, Donald Trump has served well as a poetic muse for The
Style Invitational. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers November 5
feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1148: 5 lines, 31 syllables and a
rhyme: It’s TankaWanka II'>
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of the contest for
repurposed brand names.)
*The Donald should have * *
A far more fitting nickname.* *.
Like J. Lo’s slick name, * *
It should right out at you jump! * *
Hey, then: How about T. Rump? *
Last fall we introduced a brand-new form of poetry — or at least we
declared it so in Week 1095,
since that was easier than getting complaints that we didn’t do the old
form correctly. Whatever, it’s a variation on the ancient Japanese
poetry called tanka, which are, roughly, 31-syllable poems in five
lines; they begin with 5-7-5, as haiku do, then have two more lines of
seven syllables each. However, notes Wikipedia, “traditionally tanka had
no concept of rhyme.” And traditionally The Style Invitational has a big
fat concept of rhyme. We like it. Hence the TankaWanka. This week:*Write
a TankaWanka about something that’s been in the news lately. The poem
must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order.
And it must include at least one rhyme,* as in the example above by
Willy Wanka, a.k.a. Gene Weingarten, who threw in a second rhyme at no
extra charge. You may add a title, perhaps quoting a headline of a news
item, if it helps the reader what you’re talking about.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place gets an Ecumenically Insulting Two-Pack: First,
just in time for Hanukkah, a T-shirt depicting a man in Hasidic garb
striking a martial-arts pose: It’s labeled “Jewjitsu.” Brought back from
/Israel/ by Loser Mike Gips, who decided not to wear it to High Holy
Days services. And also, just in time for Advent, a bag of Scripture
Candy, jellybeans that on the package are labeled “sin” (the black
ones), “Jesus’ blood” (red), “clean” (white) and more. Plus “The Jelly
Bean Prayer.” We like it because it rhymes. Donated by Style
Invitational Devotee Daphne Steinberg.
*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake,
probably one of the new pair that will be announced with the results of
Week 1146. First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 16; results
published Dec. 6 (online Dec. 3). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. Include “Week 1148” in your e-mail subject line or it might be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Jon Gearhart; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jesse Frankovich.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday,/ and follow
the Empress on Twitter at @StyleInvite .
*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And the results of the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks
ago . . .
*VENDOR BENDERS: THE REPURPOSED BRAND NAMES OF WEEK 1144*
In Week 1140, we asked which brand names
would be bad choices for another product.
The winners
included One-a-Day toilet paper, a Dum Dum
Pops sperm bank, the Bumble Bee presidential debates, and Facebook as a
title for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Then in Week 1144, we
spun it around and asked which names would be /better /for something else.
4th place:
*Duncan Hines *is an okay name for a cake mix, but it would make a great
name for baby bubble bath. (Laurie Morrison, Rockville, Md.; Larry Gray,
Union Bridge, Md.)
3rd place:
*Fanta* is a good name for a soft drink but a better name for a sea
island. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
2nd place and the squeezable “egg-laying” rubber chicken:
*Pop Rocks *is a fine name for a candy but is fantastic for Bernie’s new
campaign slogan. (Janice Haas, Bethesda, Md.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*VCU* is a good name for a university but a better name for a Russian
surveillance agency. (Frank Mann, Washington)
I can’t believe it’s not better: honorable mentions
*Fox News* is fine for a TV network but a better name for the Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
*Hanover* is a good name for an insurance company and a better name for
a collection agency. (Frank Mann)
*The Who *was a great name for a rock band but an even better name for
the GOP “undercard” debates. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)
*Cialis* is a good name for an ED remedy but an even better name for a
looking-glass manufacturer. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
*Brach’s* is a good name for a candymaker but a better name for bird
food: “Parrots ask for it by name.” (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)
*20th Century Fox* is a good name for a movie studio but a better name
for a seniors’ escort service. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
*AMF *is a good name for a bowling company, and it perfectly describes
your ex. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
*Ball Park* is a good name for a hot dog, but it’s a better name for an
athletic supporter. (Jeff Covel, Arlington, Va.)
*Bed, Bath and Beyond* is an okay name for a home goods store but would
be a better name for an upscale brothel. (Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.)
*Blue Moon* is a good name for a beer but an even better name for a car
seat with built-in AC. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
** *Browning Arms* is a good name for a gun manufacturer but a better
one for a group proctology practice. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
*Cargill* is fine for an agricultural company, better for an amphibious
vehicle. (Margaret Welsh, Oakton, Va.; David Friedman, Arlington, Va.)
*Chap Stick *is a good name for lip balm, a better name for a British
walking cane. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
*Citgo* is a good name for an oil company but an even better name for a
dog trainer. (David Komornik, Danville, Va.)
*Continental* is a good name for an airline but a better name for an
adult diaper. (Larry Gray)
*Cover Girl *is a good name for cosmetics, a better name for the new
Playboy. (Kristen Rahman, Silver Spring, Md.)
*DeBeers* is a good name for a diamond company but a better one for a
Chicago sports bar. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
*Def Jam* is a good name for a record label but a better name for an
earwax remover. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
*Domino’s* is a fine name for pizza but would be a great name for a
demolition company. (David Friedman)
*E-ZPass* is a good name for an electronic toll collection system but a
better name for a constipation remedy. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
*FedEx* is a fine name for a delivery company but a better name for Ben
Bernanke’s memoir. (Jaclyn Yamada, New York)
*Five Below* is a good name for a discount retail store but a better
name for a discount burial service. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
*Fritos* is a good name for a chip but a better name for a sandal. (Ami
Greenberg, Washington)
*Groupon *is a good name for a discount site and a better name for a bus
tour company. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
*Hasbro* is a good name for a toy company but a better name for a DNA
testing service. (Chris Doyle; John O’Byrne, Dublin)
*Instagram* is a nice name for a fun phone app but better for a Denver
drug delivery service. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
*Kaiser Permanente* is an okay name for a health-care network but better
for Angela Merkel. — The Greek Government (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
** *Bibigo *is a good name for Korean dumplings, but it would be a
better name for Israel’s Labor Party. (Jerry Pohl, Rockville, Md.,a
First Offender) oops! Jerry actually had four blots of ink back in
1994-95 — including a win and a runner-up)
*Oral-B* is a good name for a toothbrush but a better name for a porno
film rating. (Chris Doyle)
*Parcheesi* is a good name for a game but a better name for a the pizza
joint at the 19th hole. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
*Polo* is a fine name for preppy clothing but would be great for a
missing-person locator service. (David Friedman)
*Southern Comfort* is a suitable name for a whiskey and even a better
one for hemorrhoid cream. (John O’Byrne)
*Stuckey’s* is a good name for a restaurant but a better name for a
laptop cleaner. (Ami Greenberg)
*Time Warner* is a good name for a media company but a better name for
an alarm clock. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
*Union Market *is a good name for an upscale food emporium, but an even
better name for Logan Circle late at night. (Mark Raffman)
*Stay Puft *is a good name for marshmallows, and *“The Force Awakens”* a
good title for a “Star Wars” movie, but they both would be even better
names for ED medications. (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.; Bill
Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)
*Vijay Singh *is a good name for a professional golfer but an even
better name for Eve Ensler’s “Monologues:
The Musical.” (Ned
Andrews, Franklin, Va.)
*Wavy Lay’s *is a good name for a potato chip but a better name for a
waterbed. (Larry McClemons)
** /And Last:/ *Lowenbrau* is a nice name for beer, but a great name for
The Style Invitational. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 9: our “word search”
neologism contest. See bit.ly/invite1147. *