Style Invitational Week 1147: It’s E-Z find-a-word — your own

Our 2nd annual word-grid neologism contest; plus the Ask Backwards

The word grid for Week 1147. Not that it matters, but you can see the 18
randomly generated words used to form the grid in The Style
By Pat Myers October 29 at 11:35 AM
Invitational Week 1147: It’s E-Z find-a-word — your own'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the “Ask Backwards” results of
Week 1143)

*J-12: BORMENTS: The trials of “listening” patiently to a jabbering
acquaintance. “. . . Well, she’s not actually my real aunt, but I call
her Aunt Marge anyway. And anyway . . .” *

*N-4: WHIRK: The ceaseless job of helicopter parents.*


We’re back with a contest we debuted last year, one that attracted lots
of entries — most of them by people who seemed to understand what we
were asking for. No, no, it’s not a word-find puzzle. Well, it is, I
guess, in that you get to find your own new words. And there are a
zillion of them waiting to be found, given our super-easy rules. *This
week: Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters
— in any direction or several directions — in the grid above, and
provide a humorous definition,* as in the examples above. You may also
give an especially clever definition for an existing term you find. And
you may use the word in a sentence, if that makes your entry funnier.
(If you’re having trouble printing out the grid above, print it from

*IMPORTANT:* Because the Empress is already bonkers enough without
having to search for your precious word through a 361-letter grid,*you
must state the coordinates of the first letter of your term (e.g.,
C-12);* the E can trace it from there. Note that *you may snake your
word around the grid; * just don’t skip letters or use the same spot on
the grid twice. But if you don’t give me those coordinates, I’m going to
skip your word.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a genuine antique, and a really cool one:
Dated 1915, and clearly original, it’s a 12-volume set of booklets
comprising“Household Engineering,”
correspondence course from the American School of Home Economics, and
aiming to bring those modern ideas of workplace efficiency to the home.
Part I is about kitchen design; it does mention the “refrigerator,” but
that was simply an insulated chest with an ice compartment.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
the last of our current models, “The Wit Hit the Fan”

and “Hardly Har-Har,”

or one of the winners of Week 1146 . First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 9; results published
Nov. 29 (online Nov. 25). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest.
Include “Week 1147” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Brendan Beary.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/ ;/ “like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /; / and
follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And the results of the Style Invitational contest from four weeks ago . . .

In Week 1143, our perennial Ask Backwards
contest, the Empress listed 15 odd phrases and asked you to write
questions that those phrases could answer.

This week’s best entries came
from 11 of those categories. For “L’Oreal and Hardy,” too many people
asked who had created a line of long-lasting slapstick (or slipstick).

4th place:

*A. Bei Bei’s
Q. What is “Eat. Sleep. Act cute. Gather information for Chinese
masters”? (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

3rd place:

*A. Somewhere over the rainbow.*
Q. Where does Kim Davis think Hell is located? (Bird Waring, Larchmont,
N.Y.; Sam Aaron, Atlanta)

2nd place and the Nationals’ Calvin Coolidge bobblehead:

*A. Shaquille O’Rabinowitz. *
Q. What Israelite routinely passed clean over Jordan? (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*A. A platypus, a sourpuss, and pus.*
Q. What are three things you don’t want to run into Down Under? (Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Half-asked efforts: honorable mentions

* What’s an anagram of “awful if it’s from arse”? (Jesse Frankovich,
Lansing, Mich.)

What lets you know that rather than being happy to see you, someone has
a banana in his pocket? (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

What movie cliche
happens in nearly
every car chase on city streets? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

What happens when Dan Snyder steps out in front of D.C. football fans?
(Greg Pearson, Arlington, Va.)

What event was canceled when all the participants collapsed under the
weight of their number bibs? (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington)

What is the final event of the Mr. Punyverse competition? (Jeff

What consists of the 3-meter wade, the 10-foot stroll and the 2-minute
kickstand lift? (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

What is “The Top 2 Reasons You Shouldn’t Clean Gutters in the Winter”?
(Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

What do you get when you Google “10 things you find in back of a sled
dog”? (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

What are suggested by “1 below,” “two below” and “10 . . . below”? (Rob
Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

Who was the first player inducted into the NBA Challah Fame? (Chris Doyle)

Who said, “Free throws, I can’t do — but I can get them for you
wholesale”? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Who is a member of the NBA, the IRA and the ABA? (Tom Witte)

If Russia’s leader leader bathed in brown gravy, rolled in a tub of
cheese curds, and sat on a cracker, what would some people mistakenly
call the combination? (Mark Raffman)

What dish from Quebec is locally known as /Crappe sur la craquer?/
(Barry Koch)

*Where did Dorothy and Glinda get married? (Evelyn Voorhees,
Worthington, Mass., a First Offender)

Where doesRoy G. Biv live?
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney; Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.)

Since immigrants are bad, where did The Donald’s string of foreign
supermodel wives and mistresses come from? (Kevin Dopart)

In Australia, what are three things that taste better than Vegemite?
(Mark Raffman)

Who’s right ahead of Rand Paul in the polls? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

*2028 C.E.*
What is currently displayed on the “next train” sign above the platform
at Metro’s Dulles Airport Station? (Jeff Contompasis, still waiting in
nearby Ashburn, Va.)

When will Chelsea Clinton and Jenna Bush square off in a presidential
election whose central issue will be “getting the truth about Benghazi”?
(Mark Raffman)

What is the year we still don’t land an astronaut on Mars? (Lawrence
McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

According to President Obama’s orders to the Secret Service, when will
Malia and Sasha be allowed to go on unsupervised dates? (Kevin Dopart)

*What is another name for a lie detector? (Steve Honley, Washington)

What is the second-fastest way to drive VW into a brick wall? (Dudley

What part of a Beetle sticks when you squash it with your shoe?
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

What’s sure to become known as part of a “de-feet device”? (Roger
Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.; Ben Aronin, Washington)

What is connected to a Rabbit, a Bug and a Crematorium? (Stephen Dudzik)

*15 GB
*How much space in the Empress’s e-mail box is taken up with unprintable
Holocaust jokes for “A VW gas pedal”? (Greg Pearson)

How much space is left on a 15.0000001 GB drive when you load in all of
the GOP candidates’ policy ideas? (Duncan Stevens)

From 0 to 20, where does Donald Trump’s Mexico wall proposal rate on the
Glenn Beck scale? (Bird Waring)

How long did it take Mr. Giga to eat his steak? (Sam Gwynn, Beaumont, Tex.)

Can you tell Mr. Shaw here how many times you’ve read “Pygmalion”? (Jack
McBroom, Fort Valley, Va.)

What lists more accomplishments than the Congressional Record? (Todd
DeLap, Fairfax)

What, if interrupted by gunfire, might prompt a serious debate about gun
control in this country? (Mark Raffman)

/** / *//Still running — deadline Monday night: our contest for ideas
for two new Loser magnets for honorable mentions. See