Style Invitational Week 1145: It’s a DICEy situation — Tour de Fours XII

Our annual neologism contest, plus the winning reinterpreted headlines

Bob Staake came up with “paracomedic”: Can you make up a term that
includes the E-D-I-C block, in any order? (Bob Staake for The Washington
By Pat Myers October 15 feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1145: It’s a DICEy situation —
Tour de Fours XII'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our Mess With Our
Heads bank headline contest. )

Paracom*edic*: an EMT who performs stand-up while you lie down in the

*Ice-d*amsel: The person in distress if you try to “rescue” this
princess is you.

This week’s second prize, the Mr. Tea Infuser, so appropriately goes to
Rob Wolf’s Bush-watering joke. (VAT19.COM)

Pasturep*edic*: A mattress that brings the freshness of the outdoors
into your bedroom (antihistamine available separately).

Pund*ecid*ed: Should we go with ‘Surfin’ DOA’ or ‘No Vibrations’ for the
obituary headline?

This year’s Tour de Fours neologism contest uses two letters never used
in the preceding 11 Tours: C and D. But the game’s the same: *Coin a
word or multi-word term that contains the letter block D-I-C-E,* and
describe it, as in the examples above; the letters may be in any order,
but there may be no other letters between them. Feel free to use it in a
funny sentence.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives “The Art of the Bonsai Potato,”

consisting of a little plastic stand on which you place a real potato,
whose sprouts you trim with serene concentration as if they’re
hundred-year old pine twigs. “Zen — without the wait,” it cheerfully
promises. Mini-tools and “hilarious 32-page book” included. Donated by
longtime Loser Christina Courtney.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
“The Wit Hit the Fan”
“Hardly Har-Har.”
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 26; results
published Nov. 15 (online Nov. 12). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. Include “Week 1145” in your e-mail subject line or it might be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/ ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at / /

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And from the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks ago . . .

Week 1141 was our perennial Mess With Our Heads contest, in which you
chose a real headline from that week’s Post and wrote a bank head, or
subtitle, that either misinterprets the original head or comments wryly
on it. Great results, as always.

4th place:

*How first lady can avoid a dress flap *
Aides suggest she drop designer Dr. Denton
Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)

3rd place:

*A no-brainer on Syria*
Palin weighs in on Mideast conflict (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

2nd place and the Mr. Tea Infuser:

*Bush’s unfamiliar position: underdog*
Transplanted azalea withers from warm, yellow watering (Rob Wolf,
Gaithersburg, Md.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Amid pomp and circumstance, a shepherd tends his flock*
‘Quit playing FarmVille on your phone — they’re about to call you up for
your diploma!’ friend mutters to classmate (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax
Station, Va.)

Bank reserves: honorable mentions

*Ben Carson says a Muslim shouldn’t be president *
And Muslims say Ben Carson shouldn’t be president
(Neal Starkman, Seattle; Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

*Stocks close down on growth concerns*
Colonial Williamsburg removes replicas because ‘fat tourists keep
getting their arms caught’ (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*Tortorella to coach U.S. squad in Cup*
Embarrassed players wish he would put more clothes on (Brendan Beary,
Great Mills, Md.)

*The beginning of Trump’s end?*
That would be right on top of his neck (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Israeli supermodel wanted a no-fly zone for her wedding*
All male guests had to wear yoga pants, kilts (Sylvia Betts, Vancouver,

*Carly Fiorina subdued in victory lap after debate*
Police allege “she looked black” (Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)

*‘I’ve tried three wheels before, but not two. I’m a little nervous.’
*Brie addict struggles to reduce daily cheese consumption (Roy Ashley,

*Candidates on both sides bashing China*
Senate Dining Room spat between Sanders, Cruz turns into plate-throwing
brawl (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

*When dating in your 40s, is it better to be divorced or never married? *
Experts agree that, yes, married people shouldn’t be dating (Christopher
Thorpe, San Francisco)

*Culture of reprisals against whistleblowers*
Disgruntled fans routinely toss stuff at refs (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)

*At debate, many candidates spell out their strategy on Iran*
‘B-O-M-B’ (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Washington Post honored at food journalist conference*
Paper edges Times of London in coveted Fish & Chip Wrapping category
(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

*Md. man ‘touched everyone’s hearts’ *
Out-of-control surgeon performed unwanted, invasive procedures (Rebekah
Bundang, Vienna, Va., a First Offender)

*Groupon to shed 1,100 jobs*
Company-wide e-mail titled ‘10% off!’ wasn’t best way to break the news,
execs say (Brendan Beary)

*White House picks florist *

‘Ha, now you know how we feel,’ say Rose Garden inhabitants (Danielle

*Doesn’t get any easier for Virginia*
Tyke to be told there is no Easter Bunny (Mark Raffman)

*Metro nears new deal to keep cellphone users connected *
Riders will be able to call the office to say they’re stuck on the Red
Line again (Brendan Beary)

*GOP hopefuls spell dread for federal employees*
Only 3 forgot to include the silent A (Neal Starkman)

*How to make 2016 the year of the tomato*
Trump urges GOP to recruit women candidates with ‘huge personas’ (Frank
Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Copper returns as an agent in the battle against resilient bacteria*
Officer McGruff says: ‘Take a bite out of grime’ (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)

*A look ahead at Wednesday’s Mass*
After Tuesday’s banquet, Christie predicts 5-lb. gain (Rick Haynes,
Ocean City, Md.)

*Amazon announces new $50 tablet*
‘Amateurs,’ scoffs pill-gouger Martin Shkreli (Brendan Beary)

*Another disappointing transportation meeting *
Metro seatmate turns out not to be soul mate for 7,653rd consecutive
morning (Danielle Nowlin)

** *Name the panda Elvis*
CIA reveals Bin Laden’s cryptic last words (Frank Osen)

*Number of uninsured fell steeply last year*
Owner of free Novocain clinic lost control on double-diamond ski slope
(Gary Crockett)

O*bama is now letting U.S. telecom carriers go to Cuba *
Country told to expect installer between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. next Tuesday
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

*On Lesbos, endless waves of boats and fears of a more treacherous voyage*
U.S. government slow to aid because senators cannot say ‘Lesbos’ without
giggling (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

*Overdue praise for the line*
Classic ‘Would you like to come up and see my etchings?’ gets new life
in tat age (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

*Papal visit to Washington will start in summer, end in fall *
Psychics agree that pontiff’s first Segway outing won’t fare well (David
Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

*Pope meets with Fidel Castro, urges Cubans to ‘serve people,’ not ideas*
‘Soylent Verde’ policy unveiled (Bird Waring)

*To minimize lumber damage, quickly get rid of water*
Infections from chronically full bladders can spread to nearby parts
(Jeff Contompasis)

*Too much time behind bars*
Ted Danson regrets early TV career (Mark Raffman)

*Waiting hours and hours for a joyous few seconds*
‘Dinner and a movie’ retains its romantic utility (Elden Carnahan,
Laurel, Md.)

*With today’s offenses, reaching triple digits doesn’t look quite as
Irritated Beltway drivers growing extra middle fingers to adapt
(Danielle Nowlin)

*First commute goes well at Silver Spring Transit Center*
‘Tomorrow we’ll try a second passenger,’ officials vow (Duncan Stevens)

*Get ready for three-on-three*
‘Man-man-woman marrying man-man-dog is next,’ Santorum warns (Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

*U.S. sees opportunity for military gains against ISIS in Syria*
Wishes everyone luck with that, changes channel (Mike Connaghan,
Alexandria, Va.)

*Still running: Deadline Monday night, Oct. 19: Our contest to give a
brand name a better use. See
. *