Style Invitational Week 1145: It’s a DICEy situation — Tour de Fours XII
Our annual neologism contest, plus the winning reinterpreted headlines
Bob Staake came up with “paracomedic”: Can you make up a term that
includes the E-D-I-C block, in any order? (Bob Staake for The Washington
Post)
By Pat Myers October 15
feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1145: It’s a DICEy situation —
Tour de Fours XII'>
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our Mess With Our
Heads bank headline contest. )
Paracom*edic*: an EMT who performs stand-up while you lie down in the
ambulance.
*Ice-d*amsel: The person in distress if you try to “rescue” this
princess is you.
This week’s second prize, the Mr. Tea Infuser, so appropriately goes to
Rob Wolf’s Bush-watering joke. (VAT19.COM)
Pasturep*edic*: A mattress that brings the freshness of the outdoors
into your bedroom (antihistamine available separately).
Pund*ecid*ed: Should we go with ‘Surfin’ DOA’ or ‘No Vibrations’ for the
obituary headline?
This year’s Tour de Fours neologism contest uses two letters never used
in the preceding 11 Tours: C and D. But the game’s the same: *Coin a
word or multi-word term that contains the letter block D-I-C-E,* and
describe it, as in the examples above; the letters may be in any order,
but there may be no other letters between them. Feel free to use it in a
funny sentence.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives “The Art of the Bonsai Potato,”
consisting of a little plastic stand on which you place a real potato,
whose sprouts you trim with serene concentration as if they’re
hundred-year old pine twigs. “Zen — without the wait,” it cheerfully
promises. Mini-tools and “hilarious 32-page book” included. Donated by
longtime Loser Christina Courtney.
*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
“The Wit Hit the Fan”
or
“Hardly Har-Har.”
First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 26; results
published Nov. 15 (online Nov. 12). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. Include “Week 1145” in your e-mail subject line or it might be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
/on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /
*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And from the Style Invitational contest announced four weeks ago . . .
*QUIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES:**REPORT FROM WEEK 1141*
Week 1141 was our perennial Mess With Our Heads contest, in which you
chose a real headline from that week’s Post and wrote a bank head, or
subtitle, that either misinterprets the original head or comments wryly
on it. Great results, as always.
4th place:
*How first lady can avoid a dress flap *
Aides suggest she drop designer Dr. Denton
(Pie
Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
3rd place:
*A no-brainer on Syria*
Palin weighs in on Mideast conflict (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
2nd place and the Mr. Tea Infuser:
*Bush’s unfamiliar position: underdog*
Transplanted azalea withers from warm, yellow watering (Rob Wolf,
Gaithersburg, Md.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*Amid pomp and circumstance, a shepherd tends his flock*
‘Quit playing FarmVille on your phone — they’re about to call you up for
your diploma!’ friend mutters to classmate (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax
Station, Va.)
Bank reserves: honorable mentions
*Ben Carson says a Muslim shouldn’t be president *
And Muslims say Ben Carson shouldn’t be president
(Neal Starkman, Seattle; Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)
*Stocks close down on growth concerns*
Colonial Williamsburg removes replicas because ‘fat tourists keep
getting their arms caught’ (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
*Tortorella to coach U.S. squad in Cup*
Embarrassed players wish he would put more clothes on (Brendan Beary,
Great Mills, Md.)
*The beginning of Trump’s end?*
That would be right on top of his neck (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
*Israeli supermodel wanted a no-fly zone for her wedding*
All male guests had to wear yoga pants, kilts (Sylvia Betts, Vancouver,
B.C.)
*Carly Fiorina subdued in victory lap after debate*
Police allege “she looked black” (Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)
*‘I’ve tried three wheels before, but not two. I’m a little nervous.’
*Brie addict struggles to reduce daily cheese consumption (Roy Ashley,
Washington)
*Candidates on both sides bashing China*
Senate Dining Room spat between Sanders, Cruz turns into plate-throwing
brawl (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
*When dating in your 40s, is it better to be divorced or never married? *
Experts agree that, yes, married people shouldn’t be dating (Christopher
Thorpe, San Francisco)
*Culture of reprisals against whistleblowers*
Disgruntled fans routinely toss stuff at refs (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)
*At debate, many candidates spell out their strategy on Iran*
‘B-O-M-B’ (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
*Washington Post honored at food journalist conference*
Paper edges Times of London in coveted Fish & Chip Wrapping category
(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
*Md. man ‘touched everyone’s hearts’ *
Out-of-control surgeon performed unwanted, invasive procedures (Rebekah
Bundang, Vienna, Va., a First Offender)
*Groupon to shed 1,100 jobs*
Company-wide e-mail titled ‘10% off!’ wasn’t best way to break the news,
execs say (Brendan Beary)
*White House picks florist *
‘Ha, now you know how we feel,’ say Rose Garden inhabitants (Danielle
Nowlin)
*Doesn’t get any easier for Virginia*
Tyke to be told there is no Easter Bunny (Mark Raffman)
*Metro nears new deal to keep cellphone users connected *
Riders will be able to call the office to say they’re stuck on the Red
Line again (Brendan Beary)
*GOP hopefuls spell dread for federal employees*
Only 3 forgot to include the silent A (Neal Starkman)
*How to make 2016 the year of the tomato*
Trump urges GOP to recruit women candidates with ‘huge personas’ (Frank
Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
*Copper returns as an agent in the battle against resilient bacteria*
Officer McGruff says: ‘Take a bite out of grime’ (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)
*A look ahead at Wednesday’s Mass*
After Tuesday’s banquet, Christie predicts 5-lb. gain (Rick Haynes,
Ocean City, Md.)
*Amazon announces new $50 tablet*
‘Amateurs,’ scoffs pill-gouger Martin Shkreli (Brendan Beary)
*Another disappointing transportation meeting *
Metro seatmate turns out not to be soul mate for 7,653rd consecutive
morning (Danielle Nowlin)
** *Name the panda Elvis*
CIA reveals Bin Laden’s cryptic last words (Frank Osen)
*Number of uninsured fell steeply last year*
Owner of free Novocain clinic lost control on double-diamond ski slope
(Gary Crockett)
O*bama is now letting U.S. telecom carriers go to Cuba *
Country told to expect installer between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. next Tuesday
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
*On Lesbos, endless waves of boats and fears of a more treacherous voyage*
U.S. government slow to aid because senators cannot say ‘Lesbos’ without
giggling (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
*Overdue praise for the line*
Classic ‘Would you like to come up and see my etchings?’ gets new life
in tat age (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
*Papal visit to Washington will start in summer, end in fall *
Psychics agree that pontiff’s first Segway outing won’t fare well (David
Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)
*Pope meets with Fidel Castro, urges Cubans to ‘serve people,’ not ideas*
‘Soylent Verde’ policy unveiled (Bird Waring)
*To minimize lumber damage, quickly get rid of water*
Infections from chronically full bladders can spread to nearby parts
(Jeff Contompasis)
*Too much time behind bars*
Ted Danson regrets early TV career (Mark Raffman)
*Waiting hours and hours for a joyous few seconds*
‘Dinner and a movie’ retains its romantic utility (Elden Carnahan,
Laurel, Md.)
*With today’s offenses, reaching triple digits doesn’t look quite as
impossible*
Irritated Beltway drivers growing extra middle fingers to adapt
(Danielle Nowlin)
*First commute goes well at Silver Spring Transit Center*
‘Tomorrow we’ll try a second passenger,’ officials vow (Duncan Stevens)
*Get ready for three-on-three*
‘Man-man-woman marrying man-man-dog is next,’ Santorum warns (Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
*U.S. sees opportunity for military gains against ISIS in Syria*
Wishes everyone luck with that, changes channel (Mike Connaghan,
Alexandria, Va.)
*Still running: Deadline Monday night, Oct. 19: Our contest to give a
brand name a better use. See bit.ly/invite1144
. *