Style Invitational Week 1142: KimKierkegaardashian and other two-faced
tweets


And speaking of Twitter-worthy: The winning zingy insults about
famous people


Let KimKierkegaardashian be your inspiration for this week’s portmanteau
tweet contest. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers September 24 at 12:24 PM
Invitational Week 1142: KimKierkegaardashian and other two-faced tweets'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning zingy insults from
Week 1138.)

*I. Love this black cami dress. It says: I wander the world without joy,
without hope, without pain; I am but the remains of despair.*

*II. The self-assured believer is a greater sinner in the eyes of God
than the troubled disbeliever. Haha but I still love Ryan Seacrest. *

*III. Each individual fights for himself, with himself, within himself,
in order to free himself before God. I’m gonna be sooo sore tomorrow! —
KimKierkegaardashian *

Lifelong Maryland resident Valerie Holt does her best to impersonate “an
california gril.” The T-shirt is yours if your portmanteau tweet in Week
1142 finishes in exactly second place. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)

The profundities above are among the more than 500 tweets from the
account of “KimKierkegaardashian” (@KimKierkegaard
), which since 2012 has offered “the
philosophy of Søren Kierkegaard mashed with the tweets and observations
of Kim Kardashian,” to the delight — or, who knows, enlightenment — of
188,000 followers. Loser Christopher Larsen shared some of the tweets on
the Style Invitational Devotees page on
Facebook, prompting Devotee Alex Blackwood to suggest this week’s
contest: *Combine two well-known names into a Twitter handle, and write
a tweet (no more than 140 characters and spaces) that that portmanteau
person might write. *You might also include the person’s Twitter “bio”
of no more than 160 characters, were you to think of something clever
and/or funny.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a prize that the Empress discovered this
month in a discount store in Anzio, Italy: a screaming-pink T-shirt with
the message “i’m an california gril.”

The five-euro price tag conveys.

Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
“The Wit Hit the Fan”
or
“Hardly Har-Har.”
First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, Oct. 5; results published
Oct. 25 (online Oct. 22). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest.
Include “Week 1142” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. The headline for this week’s results is by
Kevin Dopart; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Dave Prevar. Join the
lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /

*The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*AFFRONT LINES: THE WINNING INSULTS FROM WEEK 1138*:
*In Week 1138* we asked for zingy insults about well-known people —
modern versions of Dorothy Parker barbs. Dorothy didn’t have Twitter to
compete with, and if you’ve heard some of these before, just relax and
go out and get some sun under which there’s nothing new.

4th place

*On John Boehner:* Orange lives matter! (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

3rd place

*On RGIII:* What a lucky dude — he gets paid millions just to sit around
and watch football every Sunday. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

2nd place

/and the bikinied-torso salt-and-pepper shakers:

/
*On Donald Trump:* Little does he know; how popular he is. (David
Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

In a nutshell . . . well, that’s *Donald Trump. *(Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Cutlets: honorable mentions

*POLITICAL FIGURES*

*On Hillary Clinton:* She’s a woman of no-win portents. (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)

*On Bobby Jindal:* The Gulf of Mexico just called and told him it’s
running out of sharks to jump. (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

When *Ted Cruz *gets an idea, everyone in government stops working to
hear it. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

*On Obama: *The most enthusiastic greeting he’s gotten lately was from a
salmon .
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

On Republican Party head *Reince Priebus:* He lives by the motto “When
the world hands you lemmings, lead.” (Phil Frankenfeld)

I’ll say this about *Chris Christie:* He can fill an arena. (Warren
Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

*On Donald Trump:* His favorite part of the Bible must be Chapter 11.
(Kevin Dopart)

*Trump* is so generous, he’d give you the shirt right off your own back.
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

No one knows the workings of the brain like Dr. *Ben Carson.* Which is
why I have every confidence he’ll figure out a way to restore his
sanity. (Frank Mann, Washington)

All the *Republican candidates: *They’ve stuck so well to their amazing
Fact-Free Diet. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)

*Donald Trump* makes fiery speeches, lashes out at his enemies and
blames immigrants for all the country’s problems. I would also add that
he has bad hair, but people would accuse me of comparing him to Hitler.
(Frank Mann)

*On Donald Trump:* He reminds me more and more of Mussolini with hair —
Il Ducebag. (Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)

*On Jeb Bush:* He’s trying to shed the stigma of his name — he’s
changing it to Nixon. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

*On Sarah Palin:* All she knows is what she didn’t read in the
newspaper. (Robert Schechter)

*Arnold Schwarzenegger *always kept on top of things — especially the
household help. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

*Pat Robertson *says God is punishing America. Pat, if God really wanted
to punish America, you’d be president. (Frank Mann)

** *AND THE REST*

** *On Bill Cosby:* You gotta love him. (Richard Lempert, Arlington, Va.)

*On Keith Richards:* His groupies are always texting him pictures — of
their grandchildren. (James Foley, Riverdale, Md., a First Offender)

*On Henry Kissinger:* He went after everything full bore (which of
course was natural for him). (Mae Scanlan)

*On Dan Snyder:* The only thing that gets less protection than his
trademarks is his quarterback. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

*On Chuck Todd* of “Meet the Press”: When Todd talks, people listen. To
George Stephanopoulos. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

*On Kanye West:* He’s like Donald Trump, only without the filter. (Frank
Osen)

*On Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar:* For them, it’s all about good
breeding. If by “good,” you mean “a lot of.” (Nan Reiner)

*On Bryce Harper:* The T-shirt cannon doesn’t always reach his upper
deck. (Kevin Dopart)

*On Tom Brady:* You have to say he’s great at managing pressure. (Kevin
Dopart)

*Tom Brady:* Give the guy a break — every man suffers from shrinkage
once in a while. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*On Beverly Hills residents:* Kudos to them for planning for the drought
— silicone body parts need much less water than the regular kind. (Ivars
Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)

*Joan Rivers’s* tongue was so sharp, her boyfriend thought she was a
mohel. (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.)

There might be no stupid questions, but *Barbara Walters *sure pushed
the envelope. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

*Kim Davis* thinks of herself as Joan of Arc, but she’s actually George
Wallace. Only not as cute. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Fifty years later, *Bob Dylan* still personifies a generation:
DEgeneration. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

*Colonel Sanders *changed the face of America — to fat and jowly.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*On Dorothy Parker:* You could certainly say her comments were pithy —
if you had a lisp. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*On the Empress:* She’s so generous, sometimes she even gives ink to
someone who deserves it. (Tom Witte)

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Sept. 28: Our “Mess With Our
Heads” bank headline contest. See bit.ly/invite1141
. *