Style Invitational Week 1116: Punning in Place—make a geographic neologism
And the winning and Losing ‘SHARP’ words from Week 1112
Nessee. a Clinch River denizen. In Week 1116, make a new word or name
from the letters in a place name. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers March 19
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(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “SHARP” neologisms of
Week 1112)
*/From “Tennessee”:/ Nessee: Mythical creature reported to live in the
Clinch River. *
/** *From “Fairbanks”:* / *SkarfBin: The most popular apparel department
at an Alaska Wal-Mart. *
Much to his chagrin, Buddy realized he was way overdressed for his
interview at Acme Glue. The springy dashboard-topper that’s this week’s
second prize. (WORLDWONDERS.NET )
*/From “California”:/ ForniCal: State agency responsible for setting up
dates for married politicians.*
This week’s contest was suggested by one of the more widely traveled
members of the Loser Community: 227-time Loser Christopher Lamora
currently heads the U.S. passport office in Los Angeles, but he used to
follow the Style Invitational from State Department posts in Guatemala
and Cameroon, among other places outside the usual Invite delivery area.
*This week: Create a new term using only the letters in a place name,*
as in Christopher’s examples above. *You don’t have to use all the
letters, but you can’t use a letter more often than it appears in the
word;* for instance, if you’re using “California,” your word may have as
many as two A’s. Entries are more likely to get ink if the definitions
relate in some way to the place name.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives Creepy Horse Man
,
a spring-necked bobblehead “dashboard wiggler” of a man in a business
suit and carrying an attache case . . . well, if he has a horse’s head
for a head, is he a man? Whatever. He has a certain dignity. Donated by
Diane Wah.
*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
“The Wit Hit the Fan”
or
“Hardly Har-Har.”
First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, March 30; results
published April 19 (online April 16). You may submit up to 25 entries
per contest. Include “Week 1116” in your e-mail subject line or it might
be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s
results is by Jeff Shirley; the honorable-mentions subhead is by
Beverley Sharp Herself. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like”
the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /
*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column
(published late Thursday) discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And the results of the Style Invitational contest from four weeks ago . . .
SHARP-infested worders: The neologisms of Week 1112:
Week 1112 commemorated Beverley Sharp’s induction to the Style
Invitational Hall of Fame (admission: 500 blots of ink) with a contest
for neologisms that include the letters S, H, A, R and P.
A great term but offered by too many contestants: *Harspray,* as when
you coffee-spit all over the Invite results. Not living up to Beverley’s
name were perhaps dozens of entries that substituted “sh” for the “s” in
a word, then defined it as something alcohol-related: e.g., *“Repasht:
*Dinner with a drunk.” Sheez.
Yes, we let Beverley enter this contest. Did she get ink?
4th place:
*ShAARPie:* What’s used to cross out any legislative language to cut
retirement benefits. (Andrew Elby, Arlington, Va.)
3rd place:
*Sapphron:* Newly popular color for wedding dresses in 37 states, by
last count. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
2nd place and the book “Knit Your Own Kama Sutra”:
*Mensamorphs:* Big-headed types who aren’t smart enough not to remind
everyone how smart they are. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
*Apostrophy:* The “Grammar Nerd” award some adults think they deserve
for knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re.” (Danielle
Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
SHARP decline: Honorable mentions
*Retrophrase:* To translate current jargon for the less current. “That’s
a nice thank-you letter to Grandma, dear, but you need to retrophrase
‘kthanxsbye.’ ” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
*Mrsshapen:* Matronly. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
*Shrapnil:* The “enemy fire” that Brian Williams’s convoy came under.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.; Mae Scanlan, Washington)
*Hos of Representatives:* Political consultants. (Kevin Dopart)
*Rashputin:* Russian for “foreign policy.” (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)
*Shrink-rapping: *Hip-hop psychotherapy. “Your mama so incredible/You
must be feelin’ Oedipal.” (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
*WETAmorphosis: *Developing an instant British accent from watching
“Downton Abbey.” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
*Psychiatryst: *Taking the “doctor/patient relationship” to a whole new
level. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
*Biasphere:* The political echo chamber. “The senators’ letter to Iran
made perfect sense in the Fox News biasphere.” (Chris Doyle)
*Shillanthropist: *Someone who spends more on advertising his company’s
charitable contributions than on the contributions themselves. (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
*Pharrellish: *Happy. (Barry Sackin, Murrieta, Calif.)
*pHarsi:* Language of a country whose leaders have acid tongues and base
intent. (Mark Raffman)
*Parishimonious:* Putting a dollar in the church collection plate and
then taking out change. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington, Va.)
*Sarcophagush:* To deliver an over-the-top eulogy for a crummy person.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
*Bris-hap:* A case of moylpractice. (Brendan Beary)
*Pharmesan:* Cheese made from hormone-fed cows. (Mark Raffman)
*Terpsachore:* Greek goddess of dancing in the middle of Route 1
while
lighting mattresses on fire. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
*Sharpnel:* Collateral damage that results when the Reverend Al joins a
cause. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
*Apartish:* Going through a trial separation. (Christopher Lamora, Los
Angeles)
*Par mitzvahs:* Coming-of-age ceremonies at the country club.
(Christopher Lamora)
*Sharecrapping:* A living arrangement in which the dog owner supplies
food and shelter while the dog supplies the poop. (Jeff Shirley,
Richmond, Va.)
*Eh-sharp:* The high note in “O Canada.” (Ben Aronin, Washington)
*Splarsh:* The sound of a pirate walking the plank. (John Glenn, Tyler,
Tex.)
*Shtuperman:* He comes to save the day, but unfortunately he’s faster
than a speeding bullet. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)
*Harpieces:* Ridiculous toupees. (Frank Osen)
*Proaches:* What a well-mannered person does before reproaching someone.
(Frank Osen)
*Spanker of the House:* Secret aide to the majority whip. (Chris Doyle)
*Shakespeer:* A guy who soliloquizes at a urinal. (Edmund Conti,
Raleigh, N.C.)
*Cashpar:* The Fourth Wise Man, who brought money since he could never
do gift wrap. (Edmund Conti)
*Scatastrophe:* An overflowing toilet. (Beverley Sharp)
*Dress-harper:* The Facebook friend who is /still/ insisting to everyone
that it’s white and gold. (Danielle Nowlin)
*Shaperone:* Your Weight Watchers buddy who says, “Are you sure you want
to order that tiramisu?” (Kevin Dopart)
*Hormel sapiens:* Soylent Spam. (Chris Doyle)
*hAARPies:* Elderly women who mooch off people’s plates. “I turned away
for a second, and one of the hAARPies stole my Jell-O.” (Neal Starkman,
Seattle)
*Poshtrami:* Lunch meat at Whole Foods. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
*Whisperado:* That creepy guy who thinks he’s “connecting” with women by
getting within four inches to talk to them. (Jeff Hazle)
*Bachspring:* A bed with a built-in alarm clock that plays “Wachet Auf.”
(Brendan Beary)
*Harsplitting:* The absurd actions of a stickler that prevents a
brilliantly funny limerick from winning the Invitational’s haiku contest
(Ellen Raphaeli)
/And last:/ *A Phrase:* Well, you asked for a phrase that included the
letters S-H-A-R-P, didn’t ya? (Frank Mann, Washington)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, March 23: Our contest to add a
“typo” to a Washington Post headline and then write a “bank head.” See
bit.ly/invite1115. *