Mother goosers: The Style Invitational (someone’s) Mama jokes from
Week 1110


And the new contest for Week 1114: What’s the good news?



Good news, if you’re a good-news person: Your Mama’s fat cells may
provide unlimited clean energy. See Week 1114 below this week’s results.
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers March 5 feedback for 'Mother goosers: The Style Invitational (someone’s) Mama
jokes from Week 1110'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to this week’s new contest: headlines
for The Optimist)

In Week 1110, we asked for “Your Mama” jokes about some particular
mother (though they’re really about the mother’s child).

We hereby apologize to any of these people’s actual mothers. If they were smart
enough to read a newspaper.

4th place

*Dan Snyder’s Mama* is so nice, he only sued her twice. (Ben Aronin,
Washington)


Magically delicious: This week’s second prize is Lucky O'Pooper, a
candy-pooping leprechaun, seen here from the most discreet angle. (Pat
Myers/The Washington Post)
3rd place

*Ernest Hemingway’s Mama* was big. As big as a woman who gave birth to a
man. An honest man and strong, who did not mind that a big woman was his
mama. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

2nd place and the figurine of a man straddling a cactus:

*Brian Williams’s Mama *is so stupid, she can’t remember giving birth to
him aboard Apollo 11. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

*Yo-Yo Ma’s Mama* is so dumb she named her son after her favorite
stringed instrument. (Dave Silberstein, College Park, Md.)

Ma-dissed proposals: honorable mentions

*E.T.’s Mama* was so mean, she disguised her voice and told him he had
the wrong number. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*Harry Houdini’s Mama* was so tricky, it took him nine months to get out
of her. (Mark Raffman)

*M.C. Escher’s Mama* was so twisted, she gave birth to herself. (Dion E.
Black, Washington)

*Pope’s Mama’s* so fat that when she walks into a room she causes a
schism. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Harry Truman’s Mama *was so dumb she couldn’t think of a name that
begins with S.
(Bird Waring,
Larchmont, N.Y.)

*René Descartes’ Mama* so dumb she wasn’t. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Hermann Rorschach’s Mama* was so obsessed with reputation, she told her
son to stop showing people all those dirty pictures. (Roy Ashley,
Washington)

*Felix Unger’s Mama *is so anal-retentive, doctors need a jaws-of-life
to give her a colonoscopy. (Ted Weitzman, Olney, Md.)

*Calvin Coolidge’s Mama* was so taciturn. (Jeff Shirley)

*Kim Jong Un’s Mama* is so fat and ugly that [(w%#f3- _*( ^4$8
0-lsljforejfuksu -%=o#<@ ^$?” *+%zX &:/]* . . . error . . . error . . .
error . . . (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

*Gandhi’s Mama* was so mean, she fed him naan violently. (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)

*Pope’s Mama’s* so dumb, she thought infallibility meant he couldn’t
lose his balance. (Steve Honley, Washington)

*Martin Luther’s Mama* was so indulgent, she was nailed 95 times behind
the church door. (Kevin Dopart)

*Dana Carvey’s Mama* is so dumb, she wrote George H.W. Bush asking him
to stop making fun of her son. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)

*Captain Kirk’s Mama* is so loose, you boldly go where everyone’s been
before. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

*William F. Buckley’s Mama* was so pedantic she could make exhilarative
disquisition both soporific and periphrastic. (George-Ann Rosenberg,
Washington)

*Stevie Winwood’s Mama* was so mean she made him play in traffic. (Chris
Doyle)

*Pablo Picasso’s Mama* was so ugly he had to invent cubism to paint her
portrait. (George-Ann Rosenberg)

*Wile E. Coyote’s Mama *was so mean, she bought stock in Acme Corp.
(Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.; Edward Gordon, Austin, Tex.)

*E.L. James’s Mama* is so dumb, she thinks her daughter wrote a book on
interior design. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

*E.L. James’s Mama * is so dumb that she went to the fruit juice aisle
looking for Mommy Pom. (Sylvia Betts, Vancouver, B.C.)

*Whistler’s Mama *was so ugly, her son would only show half of her face.
(Jeff Shirley)

*Harry Truman’s Mama’s* bedroom was so welcoming, all the young bucks
stopped there. (Kevin Dopart)

*Vin Diesel’s Mama’s* so dumb, she got his first name off her truck
registration certificate. (Michael Greene, Richmond, Va.)

*Minnesota Fats’s Mama* is so fat, her favorite game is Ate Ball. (Rob
Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*Frank Lloyd Wright’s Mama* was so dumb, she thought Fallingwater was a
men’s room her son designed. (Rob Huffman)

*Optimus Prime’s Mama,* Amazon Prime, offers free two-day schtupping.
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*Chuck Norris’s Mama *is so tough, when he was in the womb, she’d pay a
black belt to kick him back. (G. Smith, Alexandria, Va.)

*Superman’s Mama* is so dumb she can’t recognize him with glasses on.
(Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

*Clark Kent’s Mama’s* so fat, even with X-ray vision he can’t see
through her. (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

*Sigmund Freud’s Mama* was so dumb, he had an Oedipus Simple. (Art
Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

*Charles Darwin’s Mama* was so hairy, evolution just seemed obvious to
him. (George-Ann Rosenberg)

*Dr. Mengele’s Mama *was so evil, at birthday parties she jury-rigged
Operation to give out 10,000 volts if you touched the sides. (Mike Gips,
Bethesda, Md.)

*Galileo’s Mama* was so fat that before she walked past it, it was known
as just “The Tower of Pisa.” (Keith Waites, Frederick, Md.)

*Chris Christie’s Mama* is so fat you can see her behind Chris Christie.
(Gary Crockett)

*Colonel Sanders’s Mama* is so lazy, when she goes to KFC she orders a
side of couch potatoes. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Bob Staake’s Mama* is so misshapen, his cartoons of her look like a
normal person. (Josh Feldblyum, Louisville)

*The prophet Muhammad’s Mama* was so virtuous and loving that we honor
her memory a thousandfold. (Jeff Shirley)

And this week . . .

NEW CONTEST FOR WEEK 1114:AWWW TOGETHER NOW: GIVE US SOME NEWS FOR THE
OPTIMIST

*Your Mama’s Fat Cells May Provide Unlimited Clean Energy*

*Visiting Martians Say They’re Not Conquerors, Just Want ‘to Serve Man,’
Plan Elections Soon *

*Israelis, Palestinians Find Common Ground: Both Pass on Pork Belly Fad *

You know how hard it is to bring yourself to even look at the slew of
dispiriting headlines these days, let alone the depressing articles that
follow them; sometimes it’s as if comic-book villains have come to our
real world, with no caped superheroes to bail us out.

The Washington Post has come to our rescue: Every week it sends
subscribers an e-mail newsletter called The Optimist, with links to
good-news and feel-good articles — “stories that inspire.” (To sign up,
go to your account at bit.ly/twp-newsletters
.) Recent headlines included “Couple
married 67 years holds hands in final hours together; “Cat cheats death,
claws way out of grave days after his burial”; and “The Hubble spotted
this smiley face in space.”

But if we’re really optimists, why limit the news to good news? If we
want to live up to the name, we should see the bright side in bad news
as well.** *This week: Write us a humorous headline — from the present,
past or future — that puts an optimistic perspective on some otherwise
not-so-promising news,* as in the examples above by 225-time Loser Gary
Crockett, who suggested this contest. (Do you think another recent
Invite contest was on his mind?)

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives Lucky O’Pooper, a cheap-looking plastic
wind-up leprechaun that poops candy. (Packaging: “I Poop Candy!”)
Donated by 119-time Loser Barbara Turner.

*Other runners-up* win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
“The Wit Hit the Fan”
or
“Hardly Har-Har.”
First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday night, March 16; results
published April 5 (online April 2). You may submit up to 25 entries per
contest. Include “Week 1114” in your e-mail subject line or it might be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. Today’s headline is by Chris Doyle; the
honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Shirley. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. /

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column
(published late Thursdays) discusses each new contest and set of
results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at
wapo.st/styleconv
.

*Still running — deadline Monday night: our song parody contest for
“Happy Birthday” alternatives and other occasions. See
bit.ly/invite-1113 . *