Style Invitational Week 1101: The year in redo — enter one of the past
year’s contests

Plus the winning horoscope ‘clarifications’

Support Our Congress Challenge: Each legislator asks constituents to
dump a bucket of money over his head. The winner of Week 1092, just one
of dozens of contests you can try this week. (Illustration by Bob Staake
for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers December 4 at 11:58 AM
Invitational Week 1101: The year in redo — enter one of the past year’s

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of our contest to
“clarify” a horoscope from The Post.)

*Fundraising challenge for the Support Our Congress Trust: Each
legislator asks constituents to dump a bucket of money over his head. *

/(Frank Osen, winner of Week 1092)/

If at first you can’t even succeed in losing . . .

Whether you didn’t get around to entering a favorite Style Invitational
contest from the past year, or you’re new to the Invite, or you have a
better idea for a contest you did enter, or you think the Empress
flat-out robbed you and you think she’ll think the same entry is funnier
this time — well, carpe this diem. *This week: Enter any Style
Invitational contest from Week 1047 through Week 1097, *except for Week
1050, last year’s do-over week. Use as few or many contests as you like,
up to 25 entries total. You may refer to events that have occurred since
the contest was published (except for the Week 1054 obit poems, which
should still be about people who died in 2013); for contests that ask
you to use that week’s paper, use this week’s. Where to find all these
previous contests? There’s a link to each one at
* (click on “More News” at
the bottom of the page to see the oldest few). If you’re not an online
subscriber and will “hit the paywall” if you look at more than 20 Post
articles in the month, don’t give up: You can also see all the contests
on Loser Elden Carnahan’s Master Contest List

at, where he also keeps the unbelievably comprehensive Loser
Stats . After you read the
instructions of a contest you want to enter, be sure to check the
results as well (four weeks later), to make sure your idea didn’t
already get ink.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives, appropriately, a do-over prize: a
fabulous little set of ceramic salt-and-pepper shakers
a Martha Stewart-looking woman (or little girl) and a little spotted
dog; and there are tiny magnets on (a) the dog’s nose and (b) the back
of Martha’s skirt. This prize was declined by the second-place finisher
of Week 1079, the renowned Mae Scanlan, perhaps because she’s also won
22 other first-place and runner-up prizes, not to mention more than 100
magnets and bumper stickers. (Surely it couldn’t be because she wouldn’t
want it on her Thanksgiving table . . .)

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either
“The Wit Hit the Fan”
“Hardly Har-Har.”
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 15; results published Jan.
4 (online Dec. 31). Include “Week 1101” in your e-mail subject line or
it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and
phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at . The headline for this week’s
results was submitted by both Beverley Sharp and Tom Witte, the
honorable-mentions subhead by Mae Scanlan. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
,/ and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of
the Day at / /

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

WIT’S YOUR SIGN: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1097: In Week 1097 we invited you to “clarify” a horoscope from that week’s
print Post or the more expansive ones on

The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

*Cancer:* “Sprint as quickly as you can across the Field of Ambition,
and then rest a while under the Tree of Contentment.”
But avoid the Port-a-Potty of Bad Metaphor. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

2nd place and the euro-motif erasers and the $100-bill tissues:

*Virgo: *“It’s a good time to push for romance, too, if you feel the urge.”
No, not you, Mr. Cosby. Hey, are you even a Virgo? (Danielle Nowlin,
Fairfax Station, Va.)

3rd place:

*Aquarius: *“You are sure to score some points for pulling off this
Your scab is destined for the Guinness Book of Records. (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)

4th place:

*Capricorn:* “You might seem strange to some people.”
The rest aren’t very perceptive. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Duncing with the stars: honorable mentions

*Pisces: *“Everyone around you is in an absolutely foul mood.”
Shouldn’t that tell you something, you jerk? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Cancer:* “It’s the small stuff that counts the most today, so do your
best to keep you eyes squinted and focused.”
I know that’s a lot harder for you these days, Ms. Zellweger. (Danielle

*Taurus:* “Being as clever as you are, you’ll probably manage to do both
at the same time!”
So put on those shoes, pop that gum into your mouth, and give it a go!
(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)

*Pisces:* “Think of this as a game of chess.”
No matter whether you’re a king, queen or pawn — you still end up in a
box when it’s all over. (Frank Osen)

*Scorpio:* “After such a long, potent period of productivity, right now
you would be wise to slow things down.”
Really, don’t you think 19 kids are enough, Mrs. Duggar? (Larry Neal,
McLean, Va.; Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Aries:* “So when and if something that’s not quite fit for the public
emerges, there’s no reason for you to feel accountable.”
When you gotta go, you gotta go. (Chris Doyle)

*Sagittarius:* “Others will seek you out, perhaps to encourage you to
change or adjust your plans.”
Ignore the ones who are shouting, “Jump! Jump!” (Gary Crockett, Chevy
Chase, Md.)

*Cancer: *“For the next few days — and maybe quite a while thereafter —
you’ve got quite an intense social schedule.”
Apparently, writing your name and number on the restroom wall still
works. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

*Leo:* “There’s nothing wrong with being indecisive.”
Yes, there is. No, there’s not. Yes, there is . . . . (Nan Reiner,
Alexandria, Va.)

*Cancer:* “A controlling loved one may be coaxed into releasing the
reins for a brief time.”
But only if you remember the safe word. (Curtis Morrison, Chesapeake, Va.)

*Aquarius:* “A family member or loved one might wish that you would be a
little more relaxed than you seem to be.”
Tell this person to **** ***. (Ed Flynn, Alexandria, Va., a First
Offender; Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

*Taurus:* “You’re not sure what’s up, but it doesn’t feel like a good
As always, honesty is the best policy — tell the ER exactly how it got
there. (Kevin Dopart)

*Leo:* “Take a hard look at your budget, as there is a possibility of an
It does seem a little farfetched to plan on winning the Powerball
jackpot twice in one year. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)

*Leo:* “Investigate some investment options you were considering.”
There are 11 brand-new senators for sale! (Nan Reiner)

*Gemini:* “Throughout your life, your heart and mind take turns at the
While your libido and your ego fight over the gas pedal. (Frank Osen)

** *Gemini:* “Your charm attracts many people.”
So be prepared to explain why you wear a dead sparrow hanging from a
chain around your neck. (Ken Schwartz, Burke, Va.)

*Capricorn:* “The good news is that your new grumpiness is not long term.”
The bad news is that you have two months to live. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

*Taurus: * “It’s time to stretch your expectations of yourself.”
You CAN get out of bed! You CAN write that novel! You CAN jump out that
window and fly! (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

** *Libra:* “It’s also a great time to head outdoors with your friends,
if that can be managed.”
The prison break is a go. (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

*Leo:* “Investigate some investment options you were considering in the
back of your mind.”
Let’s face it, who else is going to invest in the back of your mind?
(Andy Bassett, New Plymouth, New Zealand)

*Aquarius:* “You will feel the pressure of the full moon.”
You will sit next to an extremely hefty person on an airplane. (William
Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

*Leo:* “You may be slow to get going, but once you do, you’ll be
So it’s best to stay home during colonoscopy prep day. (Curtis Morrison)

*Aries:* “The trick will be to avoid a power play.”
If you happen to play for the Capitals, you’ve mastered this already.
(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

*Sagittarius:* “Details are everything today — make sure that you’ve got
them totally covered!”
But it’s better if you don’t keep checking your fly throughout the
interview. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

*Taurus:* “You might experience a need to make your home more “yours.”
Check with your cellmate, however, before hanging that Justin Bieber
poster. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*Leo: *“Your humor helps others relax.”
You can tell by their snoring. (Gary Crockett)

*Capricorn:* “Perhaps the reason has to do with them witnessing your
Not everyone can grow gills on demand. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

/And Last:/ *Gemini:* “You may want to express yourself, but be careful
— you don’t want to offend anyone.” Unless, of course, you might get a
refrigerator magnet out of it. (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

** *Still running — deadline Monday night: Our contest for mini-stories
that end in puns. See . *