Style Invitational Week 1096: Colorful captions for black-and-white

Plus buckets of fundraising-challenge ideas from Week 1092

In the Invitational’s eternal quest for meaning, we present our latest
caption contest. Links to individual cartoons are below. (Cartoons by
Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers October 30 feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1096: Colorful captions for
black-and-white cartoons'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1092, our
contest for fundraising ideas à la the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.)

Now that The Style Invitational’s newsprint version appears once again
each week in black-and-white — as it did in its early days, when the
pages were etched by scribes into stone tablets — we return to our
pre-2004-look cartoon caption contest. See, we’re just like The New
Yorker, except with buxom stick figures and fart jokes.

*This week: Write a humorous caption for any of the Bob Staake cartoons
on this page. * (To see the cartoons individually and enlarged, click on
these links: Cartoon A
Cartoon B
Cartoon C
Cartoon D
Cartoon E

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a small eggnog glass in the shape of a
moose head, complete with an impressive set of glass moose antlers; it’s
called the “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Clark Griswold Moose

and was donated ages ago by Loser Bruce Alter, who’s a fan of moose.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet in one of our two new Bob
Staake designs: either “The Wit Hit the Fan”
“Hardly Har-Har.”
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 10; results published Nov.
30 (online Nov. 27). No more than 25 entries per entrant per contest.
Include “Week 1096” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by
Stephen Dudzik. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ,/ and click “like”
on Style Invitational Ink of the Day at /

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column, posted
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

A CHALLENGE INDEED: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1092: Week 1092 was headlined
“Are We Having Funds Yet?” “Not much,” groused
one Loser atop her entry. Indeed, this contest for fundraising ideas
proved harder than we’d expected. Perhaps it was because its
inspiration, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge — either donate to the cause
or pour a bucket of freezing water over your head — was so odd itself.

The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

For the Support Our Congress Trust: Each legislator asks constituents to
dump a bucket of money over his head. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

2nd place

/and the Thomas Kinkade/Disney jigsaw puzzle of Cinderella:

Google Foundation: For a generous donation, it won’t share your Gmail
clip of you air-drumming Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid.” (Lawrence McGuire,
Waldorf, Md.)

3rd place:

DNC/RNC Bipartisan Partisan Challenge: Get your friends to sit through
15 minutes of television programming in October without fast-forwarding
or muting the political ads; otherwise they have to give their donation
to the other party. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

4th place:

The YMCA-athon: Wave your arms frantically to spell out ALL the words to
the song. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)**

Lemon pledges: honorable mentions

The Red Cross Challenge: Send money or pour a bucket of blood on your
head. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

The Zen Institute: Dump an empty bucket over your head. (Frank Osen)

The Ayn Rand Center: Dump a bucket of ice over someone else’s head.
(Frank Osen)

Cosa Nostra Retirement Fund: The Tread Water With Your Feet in a Bucket
of Cement Challenge. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

NRA Challenge: Shoot someone you don’t much like, responsibly. (Edward
Gordon, Austin)

Fraternal Order of Police: Handcuffs Across America. Stay connected!
(Beverley Sharp)

Prostate Cancer Awareness Fund: See a male over age 45? Give him the
finger to remind him to /get /the finger — and get checked for prostate
cancer. For every finger you give, donate to the fund and know you’re
doing double duty! (Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax, Va.)

The Michael Phelps Foundation Challenge: How fast can you swim after 10
beers? Make a video and show your friends! (Margaret Welsh, Oakton, Va.)

The Sex Addicts Anonymous Phone-athon: Operators are standing by to tell
you what they are wearing right now. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

The Metropolitan Opera’s Cabernet Challenge: Donate $1,000 or drink
Wal-Mart’s Oak Leaf red from the box. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.; John
Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

Public Radio Pledge Rush: Faithful listeners don headphones and hear
excerpts of “The Rush Limbaugh Show.” The faster the person tears off
the phones, the more he pays up to his NPR station. (John Glenn)

The Urology Foundation’s Three-Legged Race for Erectile Dysfunction.
(Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)

Help the NFL stamp out domestic violence: Make out with Roger Goodell’s
wife in an elevator. (Don’t worry, he’ll never watch the video!) (Frank
Mann, Washington)

Audubon Society Challenge: Shell and eat 10 black oil sunflower seeds in
a minute the way the birds do, with just your mouth. (Dave Prevar,
Annapolis, Md.)

The Children’s Hospital Challenge: How many beans can you stick up your
nose? (Margaret Welsh)

Goodwill: Either change your profile picture to a picture of the inside
of your closet for a week or donate enough of the contents that you’re
not horrified by the very idea. (Danielle Nowlin)

The Nose Hair Tug-of-War for Alopecia Awareness. (Chris Doyle, Ponder,

Apple’s charitable foundation: Those who don’t donate will have U2’s
entire repertoire downloaded to their iPhones. (Frank Osen)

National First Ladies’ Library Benefit Challenge: Order embroidered
Presidential Pillows from the library shop and Instagram yourself
sleeping with a president. Do all 43 (Grover twice) and win a
commemorative cigar box! (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*Still running — deadline Monday night: Our TankaWanka contest for
five-line poems. See *

Next week’s results: *You’re Only as Rich as You Fee,* or *The Bilk of
Human Kindess,* our contest to think up (or cite from reality)
outrageous things businesses do to squeeze a few more bucks out of
customers. /(Alternative headline by Mae Scanlan)/