Style Invitational Week 1093: You’re only as rich as you fee—send us
bad business ideas

Plus the neologisms the Losers discovered in a word-search grid

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers October 9 feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1093: You’re only as rich as you
fee—send us bad business ideas'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1089, our
word-search neologism contest)

*$1 “deplaning fee,” payable just after landing, to defray the cost of
bringing the jetway to the airplane and opening the door.*

*Anti-spam software that sends you a text to let you know each time it
blocks an unwanted e-mail, so you’ll appreciate how effective it is.*

And that’s why “the cat’s pajamas” means a really good thing: Crocheted
Un-pajama-clad cat-butt coasters, this week’s second prize. (Pat Myers)

Did you see that Marriott was fined $600,000 last week by the FCC for
jamming guests’ personal WiFi hotspots so they’d have to pay its hotels’
exorbitant connection fees: $15 a day per device and sometimes as much
as $1,000? Mark Raffman did, and being a Style Invitational Loser (not
to mention a lawyer), he immediately thought: *What are some more really
bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks?* As in Mark’s
examples above. Outrageous real-world examples are also welcome; just
make that clear.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a delightful set of four crocheted
coasters in the shape of a cat’s behind
each complete with a little curved tail and a little star-shaped pink
dot in the center. Created by Shanna Compton of the Etsy shop Hooks and
Balls, and donated to the Invite by Diane Wah.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either the Po’ Wit Laureate

or Puns of Steel.
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 20; results published Nov.
9 (online Nov. 6). No more than 25 entries per entrant per contest.
Include “Week 1093” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead was
submitted by both Beverley Sharp and Tom Witte. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
,/ and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of
the Day at / /

*The Style Conversational * The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at


In Week 1089, the Empress posted the word-search grid pictured below (or
and asked you to “discover” new words by snaking a path through the
grid. (The squiggles pictured showed that week’s examples, “crudelet”
and “chatox”.)

Not surprisingly, you found plenty of neologisms — there
were well over 1,000 entries — especially the ones that included the
letter series S-E-X. The coordinates below refer to the position of the
first letter.

(Grid constructed with the instant online word search maker at
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

*F-12: CRIMEA VISIT: *Term for guests who overstay their welcome, and
then announce they own your house. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va,)

2nd place and the book ‘The World’s Worst Jokes’

*D-11: NOTIGAN: *The sweater your aunt knits for you, every birthday,
every year. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

3rd place

*F-12: CLINTONHOLE:* A term conservatives use in front of their children
while talking about someone they don’t like. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

4th place

*J-8: DANGRY: *Only mad enough to use pseudo-curse-words. (Pam Sweeney,
Burlington, Mass.)


*A-6: BUNSEC:* The maximum time a guy can ogle before getting caught.
(Keith Waites, Frederick, Md.)

*A-11: OH-NOTION: *An astonishingly bad idea. “Abercrombie’s kiddie
thong [a real thing!] was an obvious oh-notion to everyone but the
marketing team.” (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

*B-6: SUNNY SAM: *A cheerful serial killer. (Dawn Kral, La Plata, Md.)

*B-8: EYEJACK: *To steal a glimpse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*B-9: DINGHO:* Australian term for an ugly hooker. (Jon Gearhart, Des

*C-4: I AM BUNGHOLE: *Amazingly honest working title of Donald Trump’s
autobiography. (William C. Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

*C-4: iSECRETS: *Internet secrets; i.e., not secrets. (Frank Osen)

*C-6: SECULAY: *The opposite of ChristianMingle. (Matt Monitto, Bristol,

*C-11: SNIRI: *Smartphone assistant who replies in a mocking tone. “You
/don’t /know the capital of Australia!?” (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)

** *D-8: JESTATE: *To have a pun in the oven. (Jeff Contompasis)

*E-6: DUMACIN: *Pending FDA approval, the first drug to treat chronic
stupidity. (Frank Mann, Washington)

*E-10: BANKULA: *A financial institution whose existence depends upon
its ability to suck your blood, er, money. (Kim Adam, Glen Allen, Va., a
First Offender)

*F2: RUDE-CAFE: *Where Gordon Ramsay got his start. (Pie Snelson, Silver
Spring, Md.)

*F-10: FINNY: *Ichthysterical. “Dory was so finny that the other fish
almost dried themselves laughing.” (Kevin Dopart)

*F11: RIMUET:* The little dance a basketball does around the hoop before
it goes in . . . or not. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*F-14: MAXIWAD:* The half-pound of emergency toilet paper every teenage
girl has at one time used to make it through the school day. (Danielle
Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

*G-10: TRUEL:* Way more honest than you need to be. (Lawrence McGuire,
Waldorf, Md.)

*I-10: SEXTS ED:* One class where teaching the abstinence-only method
actually makes sense. (Danielle Nowlin)

*I-12: FUTIME:* The last day at that job you hate. (John Folse, Bryans
Road, Md.)

*J-3: CULTURD:* An overbearing, snotty critic. (Jeff Loren, Manassas, Va.)

*K-12: DEDATED:* Broke up with. (Jeff Loren)

*M-12: BAD SPORT:* The kind I &*%$ lose at. (Danielle Nowlin)

*N-3: LORDE CULT:* Fanatical anti-royalists. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

*N-13: EUROPIUM:* An element that seems stable when bonded with
bureaucratium, but eventually comes unglued. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)

*O-3: FLEECOLI:* Intestinal bug that causes one to make a quick exit.
(Pam Sweeney)

*O-13: REBAY: *Getting rid of junk you bought online. “I can’t believe
Mom didn’t like this taxidermy squirrel. I guess I’ll have to rebay it.”
(Jacob Aldridge, Brisbane, Australia)

*P-4: COEN RINSE:* A splatter of blood from, say, a wood chipper. (Ward
Kay, Vienna, Va.)

*P-5: BLEEPLY:* How every character talks in “The Wolf of Wall Street.”
(Jeff Loren)

*P-13: PRE-BEST:* New, encouraging report card category, to replace
“needs improvement” or, heaven forbid, “failing.” (Sally Stokes, Silver
Spring, Md.)

*Q-3: SELF-BORE:* What you wish boring people would do. (William Kennard)

*Q-3: SLUBBY THE HUN:* Attila’s useless brother. (Ward Kay)

*R-7: PUNX:* Tricks someone into planning for six more weeks of winter.
(Matt Monitto)

/And Last:/ *C-10: TOILIT:* Bathroom reading. “I always leave the week’s
Invitational in the bathroom as toilit for our guests.” (Curtis
Morrison, Chesapeake, Va., a First Offender)

/And Even Laster:/ *R-7: PUNTUB:* The Empress’s rejection vat. (Jeff Loren)

*Still running — deadline Monday night: Our contest for comical
fundraising challenges a la the Ice Bucket.

*Next week’s results: * *Talk Undirty to Us, *or *Fauxcabulary,* our
contest to write a poem using one of the rude-sounding but actually
wholesome words we supplied. See
(Alternative title by Beverley Sharp)