Style Invitational Week 1093: You’re only as rich as you fee—send us
bad business ideas
Plus the neologisms the Losers discovered in a word-search grid
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers October 9
feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1093: You’re only as rich as you
fee—send us bad business ideas'>
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the results of Week 1089, our
word-search neologism contest)
*$1 “deplaning fee,” payable just after landing, to defray the cost of
bringing the jetway to the airplane and opening the door.*
*Anti-spam software that sends you a text to let you know each time it
blocks an unwanted e-mail, so you’ll appreciate how effective it is.*
And that’s why “the cat’s pajamas” means a really good thing: Crocheted
Un-pajama-clad cat-butt coasters, this week’s second prize. (Pat Myers)
Did you see that Marriott was fined $600,000 last week by the FCC for
jamming guests’ personal WiFi hotspots so they’d have to pay its hotels’
exorbitant connection fees: $15 a day per device and sometimes as much
as $1,000? Mark Raffman did, and being a Style Invitational Loser (not
to mention a lawyer), he immediately thought: *What are some more really
bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks?* As in Mark’s
examples above. Outrageous real-world examples are also welcome; just
make that clear.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
,
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a delightful set of four crocheted
coasters in the shape of a cat’s behind
,
each complete with a little curved tail and a little star-shaped pink
dot in the center. Created by Shanna Compton of the Etsy shop Hooks and
Balls, and donated to the Invite by Diane Wah.
*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either the Po’ Wit Laureate
or Puns of Steel.
First
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 20; results published Nov.
9 (online Nov. 6). No more than 25 entries per entrant per contest.
Include “Week 1093” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules
. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead was
submitted by both Beverley Sharp and Tom Witte. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
,/ and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of
the Day at /bit.ly/inkofday. /
*The Style Conversational * The Empress’s weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter,
check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
THE WORDS THEY ‘FOUND’NEOLOGISMS FROM THE WEEK 1089 WORD-SEARCH GRID
In Week 1089, the Empress posted the word-search grid pictured below (or
here
)
and asked you to “discover” new words by snaking a path through the
grid. (The squiggles pictured showed that week’s examples, “crudelet”
and “chatox”.)
Not surprisingly, you found plenty of neologisms — there
were well over 1,000 entries — especially the ones that included the
letter series S-E-X. The coordinates below refer to the position of the
first letter.
(Grid constructed with the instant online word search maker at
puzzle-maker.com)
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
*F-12: CRIMEA VISIT: *Term for guests who overstay their welcome, and
then announce they own your house. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va,)
2nd place and the book ‘The World’s Worst Jokes’
*D-11: NOTIGAN: *The sweater your aunt knits for you, every birthday,
every year. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
3rd place
*F-12: CLINTONHOLE:* A term conservatives use in front of their children
while talking about someone they don’t like. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
4th place
*J-8: DANGRY: *Only mad enough to use pseudo-curse-words. (Pam Sweeney,
Burlington, Mass.)
GRIDLACKS: HONORABLE MENTIONS
*A-6: BUNSEC:* The maximum time a guy can ogle before getting caught.
(Keith Waites, Frederick, Md.)
*A-11: OH-NOTION: *An astonishingly bad idea. “Abercrombie’s kiddie
thong [a real thing!] was an obvious oh-notion to everyone but the
marketing team.” (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
*B-6: SUNNY SAM: *A cheerful serial killer. (Dawn Kral, La Plata, Md.)
*B-8: EYEJACK: *To steal a glimpse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
*B-9: DINGHO:* Australian term for an ugly hooker. (Jon Gearhart, Des
Moines)
*C-4: I AM BUNGHOLE: *Amazingly honest working title of Donald Trump’s
autobiography. (William C. Kennard, Arlington, Va.)
*C-4: iSECRETS: *Internet secrets; i.e., not secrets. (Frank Osen)
*C-6: SECULAY: *The opposite of ChristianMingle. (Matt Monitto, Bristol,
Conn.)
*C-11: SNIRI: *Smartphone assistant who replies in a mocking tone. “You
/don’t /know the capital of Australia!?” (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
** *D-8: JESTATE: *To have a pun in the oven. (Jeff Contompasis)
*E-6: DUMACIN: *Pending FDA approval, the first drug to treat chronic
stupidity. (Frank Mann, Washington)
*E-10: BANKULA: *A financial institution whose existence depends upon
its ability to suck your blood, er, money. (Kim Adam, Glen Allen, Va., a
First Offender)
*F2: RUDE-CAFE: *Where Gordon Ramsay got his start. (Pie Snelson, Silver
Spring, Md.)
*F-10: FINNY: *Ichthysterical. “Dory was so finny that the other fish
almost dried themselves laughing.” (Kevin Dopart)
*F11: RIMUET:* The little dance a basketball does around the hoop before
it goes in . . . or not. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
*F-14: MAXIWAD:* The half-pound of emergency toilet paper every teenage
girl has at one time used to make it through the school day. (Danielle
Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)
*G-10: TRUEL:* Way more honest than you need to be. (Lawrence McGuire,
Waldorf, Md.)
*I-10: SEXTS ED:* One class where teaching the abstinence-only method
actually makes sense. (Danielle Nowlin)
*I-12: FUTIME:* The last day at that job you hate. (John Folse, Bryans
Road, Md.)
*J-3: CULTURD:* An overbearing, snotty critic. (Jeff Loren, Manassas, Va.)
*K-12: DEDATED:* Broke up with. (Jeff Loren)
*M-12: BAD SPORT:* The kind I &*%$ lose at. (Danielle Nowlin)
*N-3: LORDE CULT:* Fanatical anti-royalists. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
*N-13: EUROPIUM:* An element that seems stable when bonded with
bureaucratium, but eventually comes unglued. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
*O-3: FLEECOLI:* Intestinal bug that causes one to make a quick exit.
(Pam Sweeney)
*O-13: REBAY: *Getting rid of junk you bought online. “I can’t believe
Mom didn’t like this taxidermy squirrel. I guess I’ll have to rebay it.”
(Jacob Aldridge, Brisbane, Australia)
*P-4: COEN RINSE:* A splatter of blood from, say, a wood chipper. (Ward
Kay, Vienna, Va.)
*P-5: BLEEPLY:* How every character talks in “The Wolf of Wall Street.”
(Jeff Loren)
*P-13: PRE-BEST:* New, encouraging report card category, to replace
“needs improvement” or, heaven forbid, “failing.” (Sally Stokes, Silver
Spring, Md.)
*Q-3: SELF-BORE:* What you wish boring people would do. (William Kennard)
*Q-3: SLUBBY THE HUN:* Attila’s useless brother. (Ward Kay)
*R-7: PUNX:* Tricks someone into planning for six more weeks of winter.
(Matt Monitto)
/And Last:/ *C-10: TOILIT:* Bathroom reading. “I always leave the week’s
Invitational in the bathroom as toilit for our guests.” (Curtis
Morrison, Chesapeake, Va., a First Offender)
/And Even Laster:/ *R-7: PUNTUB:* The Empress’s rejection vat. (Jeff Loren)
*Still running — deadline Monday night: Our contest for comical
fundraising challenges a la the Ice Bucket. Seebit.ly/invite1092.
*
*Next week’s results: * *Talk Undirty to Us, *or *Fauxcabulary,* our
contest to write a poem using one of the rude-sounding but actually
wholesome words we supplied. See bit.ly/invite1090.
(Alternative title by Beverley Sharp)