Style Invitational Week 1092: Are we having funds yet? Make up another

Plus our answers prove questionable: the results of our Ask
Backwards contest

Can you be inadequate enough to win one of these? Above and below, the
latest Style Invitational honorable-mention magnets by Bob Staake. The
slogan above was submitted by both Bird Waring and Jon Hamblin for a
2012 magnet slogan contest. (Magnet designs by Bob Staake for The
Washington Post )
By Pat Myers October 2 feedback for 'Style Invitational Week 1092: Are we having funds yet?
Make up another ‘challenge.’'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the Ask Backwards results of Week

*Apple’s charitable foundation: Make a video of someone pouring water on
his head without having to recharge your iPhone. *

*The Sierra Club: It had to change its campaign to the Lukewarm Bucket
Challenge — all the ice melted. *

*D.C.’s Metro system: Run all the way up the Dupont Circle station
escalator before it breaks down. *

The other honorable-mention prize for 2014-15; slogan by Barbara Turner
from Week 995. We order 500 of each magnet, and the supply usually lasts
about a year. So collect them both! (Design by Bob Staake for The
Washington Post)

The good news is that the ALS Association has raised more than $100
million in this past summer’s Ice Bucket Challenge, in which people were
asked either to contribute or to pour a bucket of freezing water over
their heads. (Its revenue the previous year, before the Miracle on Ice
Water, was $2.8 million.) The bad news — oh, let’s not be so negative
all the time; let’s call it “the other good news” — is that lots of
other worthy organizations surely will be inspired to come up with
challenges of their own. Loser and recidivist contest-suggester Mike
Gips suggest we help out: *This week: Suggest a humorous fundraising
“challenge” for any organization,* as in Mike’s examples above.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a fabulous brand-new jigsaw puzzle
donated by Loser Christopher
Larsen. Part of the “Disney Dreams Collection,” it’s a lush landscape
labeled as “original art by Thomas Kinkade.” In the background is
Cinderella’s Castle; in the foreground, Ms. Ella and Prince Charming on
a footbridge, suffused with the garish colors and unnatural glow that
typify the “Painter of Light.” Finally we can appreciate Kinkade’s work
in a fitting context: as the background for cartoon characters. Just
think how fulfilling it will be to study 1/300th of the masterpiece at a

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet — one of the ones announced
today, unless we still have some of either the Po’ Wit Laureate

or Puns of Steel.
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 13; results published Nov.
2 (online Oct. 30). No more than 25 entries per entrant per contest.
Include “Week 1092” in your e-mail subject line, or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by
Danielle Nowlin. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ,/ and click “like”
on Style Invitational Ink of the Day at /

*The Style Conversational: * The Empress’s weekly online column
discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to
enter, check it out at /

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

**Week 1088 was the umpteenth installment, give or take an ump, of the
contest in which the Invite supplies a list of “answers” in the form of
short phrases, and you come up with questions they could answer.

One answer was read variously as “14, 102 and 39,000” (i.e., three items)
and “14,102 and 39,000” (two items). The Empress accepted either
because, like Your Mama, she is just too easy.

Painter of Lite: This week’s second prize, a jigsaw puzzle featuring the
“original art” of Thomas Kinkade, and cartoon figures (right).
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:

A. Rick Perry’s glasses.
Q. Name something that you can see right through besides Rick Perry.
(Danny Gallagher, Frisco, Tex.)

2nd place and Pest World, the house of critter-motif nesting dolls:

A. A Your Mama joke about a bicycle.
Q. What is “I hear New York City has a program where folks can use Your
Mama for up to half an hour with no charge”? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

3rd place

A. Romeo and Joliet.
Q. Who were stir-crossed lovers? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.; Lawrence
McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

4th place

A. A cross-country trip in a Miata.
Q. What was the plea deal that Bob McDonnell rejected? (Dave Prevar,
Annapolis, Md.)


What was the only book written by Roald Dull? (Danny Gallagher)

Whose marriage will they want to legalize next if you just let those
vegan-marriage-equality agitators get their way, huh? (Paul Kocak,
Syracuse, N.Y.)

What are the two best reasons to relocate to Cleveland? (Larry Carnahan,
Arlington, Va.)

*14, 102 AND 39,000: *
What were the Redskins’ Week 1 stats for first downs, yards and excuses?
(Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

What numbers will be called at the MVA immediately before yours? (Pam
Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

*14,102 AND 39,000:*
In the Defense Department contract, how many “person-hours” were
specified for screwing in a light bulb, and how many did it actually
take? (Peter Siegwald, Lauzerte, France)

*What is “She’s so fat her Schwinn is an 18-wheeler”? (Gary Crockett,
Chevy Chase, Md.)

What is “Your Mama’s so dumb, she thinks a bicycle helmet goes on the
bicycle”? (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

What is “Your Mama’s so fat, they pay her to ride on the shoulder to
make those grooves in the pavement”? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

What ends with “She can usually be rented near train stations and
parks”? (Frank Osen)

What nursery rhyme ends in a cliffhanger? (Harold Mantle, Lafayette,
Calif.; Lawrence McGuire)

Did anybody try anything exotic at the Roadkill Cafe? (Pam Sweeney)

What happened six months after Mary hurriedly married Lou Lemming?
(Frank Osen)

Why is there a rodent smoking a cigarette in the bedroom? (Warren
Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

Ironically, what is one of the few things you can’t buy on
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.; Olney; David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

What do you have to get rid of before you can use your dog-do bag?
(Joseph Mat Schech, Colesville, Md.)

What is a lot easier to read than the cursive version of The Washington
Post? (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

What local icon was the surprise winner on ABC’s “Extreme Weight Loss”?
(Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

What do 10 out of 10 fishmongers prefer over the online version of The
Washington Post? (Ken Schwartz, Burke, Va.)

Where is the word “beaver” automatically replaced with the word
“lemming”? (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

The what? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

What is more transparent than pig lipstick? (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

What hides the secret identity of Xenophobia Man? (Jim Stiles,
Rockville, Md.)

What will an occupant of the Oval Office never accidentally sit on? (Rob
Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

/(which was actually taken, both ways, by 14-time Loser J.J. Gertler to
a Miata owners convention in California last month. He survived.)/

What should be the punishment for using a Knee Defender? (Deb Stewart)

What’s more uncomfortable than sharing an elevator with Ray Rice? (Mike
Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

What event does the Grand Masochistic Order of Hemorrhoid Sufferers
sponsor each year? (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

After flying coach from D.C. to L.A., how did the six of you get more
leg room for the return? (Gary Crockett)

What is the new sister city of Quincy, M.E.? (Stephen Dudzik)

Who determined why the chicken died crossing the road? (Jim Stiles; Gary

On the Silver Line, what station precedes Reston Piece? (Jonathan
Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Which mall has Crate & Burial, Pottery Urn and Six Below? (Rob Huffman)

What is subtitled “The Silvio Berlusconi Guide to Picking Up Women”?
(Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)

*Whose name comes up first when you do a Google search for “biggest butt
in Hollywood”? (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

*Still running — deadline Monday night: Our good-idea/bad-idea contest.
See . *

Next week’s results: *It’s E-Z Find-a-Word, * or *Serpentineologisms, *
our contest in which we posted a word-search grid and invited you to
“discover” your own new words by tracing a series of letters in any and
all directions. See .
(Alternative title by Tom Witte)